DD refusing to wear sanitary products

[Cocopogo]

DD is 12, she’s on her third period and refuses to wear sanitary pads. She says they are uncomfortable. I help her put one on and ensure she has spares etc but then she goes to the bathroom and removes it. She’s possibly got sensory issues too. She has stained my car seat and the carpet due to this. Anyone else had this problem? How did you overcome it?

@neveradullmoment99

Mine don't. I tend to change when I get in around 4pm

I recently had a horrendously heavy period while on a day out. I had taken a pair of (brand new!) period pants for my daughter just in case (had been away for a weekend) so put them on myself. Omg what a game changer. So comfortable, no smells, even when they'd absorbed a lot I still felt dry. They were the primark ones, £6 a pair

Some girls with sensory issues and/ ASD find periods so traumatic that they have menstruation suppression via the pill. It could be something to discuss with the GP - my DD has gone down this route due to the level of distress caused by periods.

I'd try her with applicator tampons. I hate the non-applicator type.

Really surprising that the staining isn't bothering her. Or up setting her that other people can see.

Is she back at school now? Won’t she have other children commenting if she is marking her clothes.

I checked because she bleed on to my carpet and car seat. She’s not leaving the house to go to school or friends house without having one on and she lies! I doubt she was traumatised, I’d have been mortified to walk round town like that but she wasn’t so I honestly doubt she cares if I put her pad in or she did. I still wash her hair when she’s in the bath etc so she isn’t shy about her body.

It sounds to me as though there is something psychological going on here. Was your daughter properly prepared for this? Did you talk to her about what would happen? Or has it come as a big shock, and she’s having a hard time adjusting what’s happening to her? It’s possible she’s in denial about this evidence of growing up and trying her best to pretend it’s not happening.

I think it’s worth exploring her feelings here to see if you can get to the bottom of it. But without anymore getting to the bottom of her - she needs her bodily autonomy. Just be clear that it’s not acceptable not to manage the flow so you need to find a solution together.

Is your dd neuro typical? I also find it odd to ‘check’ whether she is wearing a pad then put on on her if she is a neuro typical 12 year old. Other than showing her (on a clean pair of pants, not to her) how to apply it, I don’t think she should need any more practical help than that. I would have felt very very uncomfortable at that age having an adult attend to my personal hygiene.

@Wavingnotdrown1ng this is something I considered but assumed it’s a last resort and as she has no formal diagnosis I doubt the gp would.

My dd has the modi bodi teen period pants plus a few seam free ladies. They’re great. She wears them all day. 3 pairs a day with heavy flow. They do take a while to dry, it isn’t recommended to tumble dry. The teen ones for night time and most days are great. They do show lines if wearing sport leggings, hence why I’ve bought modi bodi do seam free.

You rinse out the blood then wash without using softener and line or air dry. This is a big investment. But dd is comfortable and protected.

its a bit odd that shes not bothered that shes leaking and everyone can see

is it a sensory thing or just denial that shes having periods

@worriedandannoyed

I recently had a horrendously heavy period while on a day out. I had taken a pair of (brand new!) period pants for my daughter just in case (had been away for a weekend) so put them on myself. Omg what a game changer. So comfortable, no smells, even when they'd absorbed a lot I still felt dry. They were the primark ones, £6 a pair

Sounds fab! I am by the stage of periods [ Thank god] and had endured the last few years as nightmare flooding. I am so glad that is behind me but think my dd would love them. Sure they are a game changer! @gogohm thank you :)

Modi body get the max ones last 24 hour. U bleed into them. Rinse in Cold water after and then wash on 20 wash no fabric softener

In relation to these period pants, I take it they need to go into a wash cycle by themselves? Also which are the best to buy? I don't need something mega-absorbent, my cycles are quite light.

I started using tampons at 12 as I couldn't stand wearing pads. I had to wear them again after giving birth and, it turns out I still hate them!

I have some sensory issues too.

As previous posters have said period pants sound good too though I had never heard of them before Mumsnet!

Further to my post, my dd took a while to come to terms with having periods. She was lucky as it happened in lockdown and she had a few months to get used to them. She used to have a fair few sensory issues. But these have eased somewhat as she got older. She doesn’t have any kind of diagnosis btw.

12 is very old to still be washing her hair as well. Very much wondering if the refusal to wear pads is a silent rebellion against being treated like a much younger child.

@wizzywig

Her flow must be very light that it doesn't go through her clothes?

Huh? Is this a serious post? Unless you think she’s sitting on the car seat and carpet naked then obviously it’s going through her clothes.

@Gwenhwyfar thank you, that's what I was trying to find out, if there's a particular reason she is needing help

She sounds very like my 12 year old with sen.
She’s using period pants by Tu (brought during 25% off)
She wears them all day in school, comes home rinses them and leaves them in a nappy bag ready to go in the washing machine.
They don’t smell and she says they’re so much better then pads. We still do pads at night, but only because I need to buy some more of the pants.

As an aside I would look into a referral for an ASD assessment.

Just to say, I a,so have to wash my dd hair, she is diagnosed with sen and we suspect asd also

I think if my mum had tried to have helped attached a pad to my pants I'd have run a mile....and never used pads again. Perhaps just back off a bit and let her figure it out? My mum just had tampons/sanitary towels in the bathroom and just let me know they were there.

Maybe cloth pads or menstrual cups? Sone menstrual cups are smaller and designed for girks rather than women (I think there is one called grrl cup or sonething). She might be too young to want to use anything internal though.

I have used reusable sanitary wear for at least 15 years and period pants are amazing. I forget I am wearing them.

For school it would depend what she wears ie trousers, she may have to remove the trousers to change the knickers. Some do come with a side clip to enable you to remove them whilst wearing trousers/tights. It would depend on her flow as to whether she would need to change them.

I use Cheeky Wipes because the absorbent pad in the knicker goes all the way from the front waistband all the way to the back waistband. Most period pants are like a pad size wise. As I have horrific period pain I am lay down for the first 2 days, hence needing the larger area.

I know lots of them say to rinse or soak, I have never done this, I just put them into the washing machine with bath towels so detergent and some dettol laundry. Line dry only. As I said I have used reusable pads for years where you can see the blood and it all comes out.

Although your DD may not care about leaking through her clothes, her friends will and if she stains anybody's else's furniture I am sure they will too if she is refusing to wear protection. Leaking through a pad is one thing, to deliberately not use one is another.