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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD refusing to wear sanitary products

199 replies

Cocopogo · 02/09/2021 19:28

DD is 12, she’s on her third period and refuses to wear sanitary pads. She says they are uncomfortable. I help her put one on and ensure she has spares etc but then she goes to the bathroom and removes it. She’s possibly got sensory issues too. She has stained my car seat and the carpet due to this. Anyone else had this problem? How did you overcome it?

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 02/09/2021 21:44

I'd speak to her neurologist or epilepsy nurse.

Dependent on where the seizures originate it may be affecting her behaviour (someone I know had suspected asd with her epilepsy but after surgery to remove the affected person of brain all the symptoms disappeared because it was that causing them).

RVN123 · 02/09/2021 22:05

Tesco have an offer on the Bodyform Period Pants just now, £10 off a pair with code GRYFTR. They're usually £25 a pair so this is good. Called INTIMAWEAR, for first 10'000 customers only.
Was just doing my Tesco shop and it popped up so may help someone.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2021 22:15

Just checked my Tesco account and they’re coming up at £24.99 unfortunately. I note they are day time only wear as they don’t go up the back.

As for modi bodi, I searched for discount / voucher codes and managed to get 20% off. They do deals for first time purchases and bundles. Best to find your size first as you can return them. I also added a donation to help people in period poverty the last time I bought from there.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2021 22:15

Oops scrap that. I didn’t try the code….will try later. Thx

ittakes2 · 02/09/2021 22:28

we use modibody - my 14 year old prefers the teen style over the women's style. if you buy one and she doesn't like it you can get a refund.
you can also get reusable pads which would be more comfortable. i suggest to my daughter she goes to school in modi bodi with a pad and then takes the pad out during the day and just has the modibodi.
www.modibodi.co.uk/

ittakes2 · 02/09/2021 22:30

I know you are not meant to tumble dry modi bodis but I do. I wash them alone on a 15min cycle and then add top normal wash with other clothes.

AlrightThereSkippy · 02/09/2021 22:34

@ittakes2

I know you are not meant to tumble dry modi bodis but I do. I wash them alone on a 15min cycle and then add top normal wash with other clothes.
I also tumble dry mine sometimes. They take too long to dry otherwise.
Idontbelieveit14 · 02/09/2021 22:37

I also hate pads, I wear them at night but absolutely hate them I end up leaking and find them so uncomfortable. Would she be willing to try tampons? My daughter wears period pants that we got from amazon but she wears them with a pad more in case she leaks, the ones she has don’t really have any absorbency they just wouldn’t allow leaking through onto clothes.

Original poster
Cocopogo · 02/09/2021 23:19

Thanks, lots of great ideas. I’ve ordered the Cheeky wipes first period pack that comes with reusable wipes, pants, pad etc. And on Saturday I’ll have a look in primark and M&S.

OP posts:
1WayOrAnother2 · 02/09/2021 23:27

OP the sensory side of things can be tackled with the suggestions above.

The way she is ignoring what her body is doing (at 12) suggests that other things will have to be addressed even after comfort is taken care of. (Have you some good support?)

Original poster
Cocopogo · 02/09/2021 23:40

I’m trying to get support but school are very slow at addressing things. It hasn’t helped with Covid etc. It’s taken a full year to speak to school nurse.

OP posts:
1WayOrAnother2 · 03/09/2021 00:17

Sorry to hear that Cocopogo. I guess that means that she is not much trouble at school but from what you say here, it seems that you need to make many 'adjustments' at home.

You both deserve better than a year's wait to see the nurse.

It would be reasonable to make some trouble and get support/a diagnosis if that is appropriate. (Ignore the traditional 'labels are not helpful' talk- because they really are!)

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 03/09/2021 06:36

@cocopogo have you been to the GP and told them of all of her difficulties and the adjustments that you have to make at home recently? I know it's hard to see a GP at the moment but they may be able to offer help now with these new behaviours that they couldn't before.

It is very, very normal for children to get diagnosed with ASD or Adhd in their teens as they are able to mask at primary school,. As expectations on them increase and school is more difficult both school work and the complexity of the school day such as moving classrooms, different teachers, loud and sometimes smelly science lessons along with the natural changes of puberty they are no longer able to mask.

JuneOsborne · 03/09/2021 06:51

I'm quite upset for the op. She has a daughter who has undiagnosed additional needs, seizures and has started her periods and doesn't want to deal with, resulting in stains on furniture and visible stains on herself while walking around town.

If that was my daughter, I would have made sure she had a pad on too. Not sure why so many posters are aghast at the idea. Mumsnet is supposed to be a place where parents gets support (what's the strap line? Making parents lives easier?) And instead she's got people telling her it's outrageous that she showed her how to put a pad on.

What else could op have done? What would be outrageous is shoving her a pack of sanpro and telling her to get on with it.

I wonder if there's a group somewhere for other mums with daughters going through the same thing? Because she can't go around at school and to people's houses and restaurants bleeding freely, can she?

You've had some great suggestions in amongst the others. Hopefully she will get on with the cheeky wipes stuff and period pants.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 03/09/2021 07:05

@Juneosborne agreed. The pile on of disgusted indignation on a mother supporting her child was/is horrible.I'd imagine many posters only read the opening post and went straight in to viper mode.

It is far worse to have parents who simply won't provide their daughters with San pro, happens all the time, even in this day and age and not even because they can afford it, just because they don't see it as necessary.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 03/09/2021 07:05

*can't afford it.

Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 07:28

@JuneOsborne the Ops initial post didn't make it clear there was additional needs. Posters were right thinking there was something neurological going on, questioning was the lack of privacy. Was that encouraging the DD to rebel or something.
It seemed the Op was babying her DD by physically checking her pad and stuff, which to most of us seems like an invasion of privacy. For many the closest our mums got was an explanation of how to use pads, peal the paper off and stick.

I've got a 10yo possibility ASD son, I've noticed the difference in him wanting more privacy around his body in the last year or so too. I think he'd run a mile if I tried to get near his pants.

ohthatbloodycat · 03/09/2021 07:31

I wear the period pants from Primark and they're great. So comfy. However they do end up reeking a bit, so you'd need to buy adequate pairs.

Phineyj · 03/09/2021 07:44

Hi OP, if you don't have a kindly SENCO/bio teacher at the school, there is a book I got from Amazon for my ASD DD called The Austistic Girl's Guide to Periods and it is so informative and clear -- wish I'd had it at 12!

kungfupannda · 03/09/2021 08:37

Seconding the Modibodi recommendations. They’ve been a complete game changer for me. I got a couple of pairs to wear while running after having DC3 as I had the occasional bladder leak. Then I tried them for a period and never looked back. I have some heavy flow ones, an overnight pair and a light-medium pair. I use the light pair when I think I’m about to start, 2 pairs of heavy cover the first day, then one pair per day after that. Back to light for the last bit. Overnight pair on the heavy first night, then ordinary heavy ones on the other nights. I don’t have quite enough pairs so I do a quick cool wash as soon as I have a couple of pairs - we usually have a lot of sports kit to go in a cool wash so I don’t have to run the machine just for the pants - then dry overnight on a heated drying rack.

I’ve never leaked and usually forget I’m wearing them. I actually still wear them when running, even though the bladder weakness has stopped, as the slight padding makes them more comfortable under sports leggings - they don’t get all tucked up.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 03/09/2021 08:42

I think that you both deserve a lot better than a year's wait to speak to the school nurse as well.

You might get some good advice if you post in the SN section about how to get her assessed for ASD Thanks

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 08:51

@JuneOsborne I asked why she was helping purely to find out if there were any reasons like additional needs and got a right telling off for that!

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 03/09/2021 09:01

Why on earth has it taken a year to speak to the school nurse? Does she not have a telephone? Or do you mean you've spoken to her but not face to face?

Generalpost · 03/09/2021 09:07

@Cocopogo

I’m trying to get support but school are very slow at addressing things. It hasn’t helped with Covid etc. It’s taken a full year to speak to school nurse.
If your not getting anywhere with the school nurse . Have you tried speaking to your gp?
Original poster
Cocopogo · 03/09/2021 13:57

@lockdownmadnessdotcom I’ve only spoken on the phone to her once, a few weeks back, and it wasn’t overly helpful. It took a year because of Covid and because the issues are building slowly, like I said only third period so not like it’s been going on long.
@Generalpost yes spoke to GP, who wasn’t concerned and suggested we look at Kooth website which I didn’t find useful as I struggled to navigate it.

OP posts: