DD refusing to wear sanitary products

[Cocopogo]

DD is 12, she’s on her third period and refuses to wear sanitary pads. She says they are uncomfortable. I help her put one on and ensure she has spares etc but then she goes to the bathroom and removes it. She’s possibly got sensory issues too. She has stained my car seat and the carpet due to this. Anyone else had this problem? How did you overcome it?

The pad-hating on this thread is a bit ridiculous. Not everyone likes pads, but they're no more "horrendous" than any other product women use for periods. Some women might even find the idea of a tampon or a mooncup more disgusting than that of a pad. (Imagine that!)

Not liking pads is one thing, but preferring to walk around with stains is extreme. Have you tried asking her about it, why she hates the pads so much? That would be my first course of action.

Ok missed the one where you said you still wash her hair. Feels like you need to let her have some boundaries with her body she gets privacy? Sorry but just a bit much for me

I remember being mortified when I leaked through my school trousers, a class-mate pointed it out (the only time she was nice to me, she was a known bully!) and I had to walk home with my coat tied round my waist. I am surprised that the OP's daughter doesn't feel the same.

I really wish we'd had period pants when I was a teenager. But much as I hated pads, I still wore them (horrible Bodyform shaped things) because the idea of not wearing them just didn't go through my head.

I think the suggestion of a range of things to try is a good one.

Have you spoken to her about what she’s going to do about school? Even if she’s not bothered about what people say (though kids that age can be brutal), while no one on the staff is going to say anything about an accident I don’t think they’ll be ok with her free bleeding on the chairs!

Have you given her a range of things to try out before her period started OP? If not, it might be worth getting her a starter kit like this one I bought fir our DD, a book like HelloFlo and like the other 99,999 suggestions on here, a pack of period pants from Primark or Sainsbury’s.

I’d also be tempted to take her to a drive-through and see if she’ll discuss with you why she’s rejecting the towels

...Really what I meant is to ask what specifically about them is uncomfortable, and why is she happier to walk around with stains? Wearing nothing and going around in damp clothes doesn't seem very comfortable, either.

Dd started her periods at 10.5. We celebrated it as a rite of passage. She was well prepared beforehand. We went to Boots and bought various brands to try and a pretty make-up bag to keep them spare pants and wipes in. I also let her have her ears pierced and we had a special tea.

Have you let her feel special op or have you let her feel she's a bit dirty?

I think you just need to love her a little more.

FWIW, and my periods started in the early 70s, I found old fashioned, very soft comparatively, Dr Whites, secured with a belt so much more comfy than modern stick on one's.

I wash her hair every couple of weeks as she doesn’t do it properly. Also she has seizures so she’s used to me hovering upstairs when she’s in the bath.

Is she autistic op ???

Just see the bit where you’ve considered ASD, I’d call her head of year tomorrow or Form teacher if they’re a woman and tell them what’s going on and if they have any concerns about her and ask if she can be assessed. It’s probably worth reading up on how ASD can present in adolescent girls before you talk to them.

Wemoon pads I’ve been using them for years way before reusable san pro became popular. They don’t leak, lots of different sizes available and are really comfortable.

I'm a biology teacher I've been asked several times by the SENCO (at the parents suggestion) to take girls with ASD who struggle with their periods for a 1:1 chat and talk to them about options it is far from abnormal for some girls to really struggle with the changes in her body.

As everybody else has said period pants are a game changer,

• they are fuss free. Girls who struggle with organisation and remembering to sort themselves out at breaktime don't need to worry.
• They are black and alot of girls really, really don't like seeing the blood on white sanitary towels.
• They are comfortable for PE.

-They just feel like pants so no sensory issues, although they do tend to have a seem either side at the back which may be uncomfortable for those who don't like stitching.

I use them at school and use a pad or tampon on days when I'm heavier or no I simply won't get to the loo. DD uses them at school too but she doesn't need anything else. I insist on a fresh pair after shower, after school and before bed, Dd started 6 months ago and doesn't need reminding anymore (started at 11). They don't smell at all. There's only the two of us and we rarely have visitors so I keep a swing bucket in the bathroom with some cold water in so they can soak and then just chuck them in the wash. Don't use any fabric softener as it ruins the water proofing.

I started Dd off with Cheeky wipes starter kit which comes with a couple of pairs of pants, a wet/dry bag, some face clothes and some reusable towels. She only likes the towels at home as they feel bulky like normal towels. When we worked out what she liked I bought her enough period pants to last her a cycle with a couple of washes in between. It's expensive but worth it.

*seam

It’s a tricky one op when she dosent want to wear them. The suggestions have been great for the period pants, they sound like they would work for her! I hope you have luck with them, it’s so shit to think of her leaking in school ect!

Not caring about the stains really does suggest that there might be some special needs at play.

Autism and adhd in girls are often much more difficult to recognise in girls than in boys. And children with SEN often seem emotionally much younger than their chronological age.

Does she have strong sensory preferences otherwise?

Very clearly defined rules about when to wear protection and a reward might help. Try not to shame her, it’s more likely to entrench defiance than anything else.

op people with asd are more likely to also have seizures (told this by consultant (s) that diagnosed dd)
common misdiagnosis re asd - absences ocd add (without hyperactivity ie a dolly day dreamer - girls more likely than boys with this version) hoarding - language disorders - & co-morbid issues mental health dyspraxia etc etc etc
Girls more likely to be diagnosed later (if at all) because they present differently - which makes sense as issues like schizophrenia & bi polar present differently for males & females

• Know

I do know how to spell honest!

I agree with everyone else that getting a selection of items could be a good idea, especially the period pants, I've not tried them but I did use cloth pads for the last few yews and they were fantastic, I didn't rinse or anything, just stuck them in with a load at the end of the day.
I would suggest you contact the school nurse dept (the number for my area school nurse dept is online )as they can definitely assist with sensory needs & period issues .

I have to say I agree I would have been mortified if mum helped me put mine on. Did she ask you to do it for her? Maybe she needs to have more control, perhaps give her a few options so she can try a few different things and see what she prefers?

Period pants may be best if she doesn’t like pads. Reuseable pads are so much more comfortable than disposable IME, Wear ‘Em Out do some fab ones.

I think you need to give your daughter some privacy. Checking to see if she has a pad on. That it does not need adjusting or anything she's 12 that's very close to her private areas. Does she manage the toilet on her own? Maybe she associates pads with you invading her privacy. There is no way I would do that to more daughter. Did you ever talk to her about periods before she started. What she would need to do etc. Even boys theses days know what its all about .

Also if she is really struggling you could ask her Head of year for a toilet pass. Several of our girls with ASD or Adhd have them only when on their period so that they can go to the loo if theyve forgotten at break and lunch as like most schools students aren't allowed to the toilet during lessons without them. A seemingly daft rule I know but unfortunately students use the toilet to truant and self harm and its important to keep them in class.

These absorb a lot more than one use pads and are more comfortable... www.amazon.co.uk/Reusable-Sanitary-Phogary-Antibacterial-Menstrual/dp/B07KZNYFPL/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Modi Bodi do some really absorbent teen period pants, obviously I'm sure no-one actually wears them a full 24 hours but the point is that they would last a school day+
www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/red-maxi-24hrs-absorbency/products/hipster-bikini-black-maxi-24hrs-absorbency
www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/red-maxi-24hrs-absorbency/products/hipster-boyshort-black-maxi-absorbency

My daughter is ASD and flatly refuses pads. We use primark period pants. They are fab

Op, I absolutely hear where you're coming from. I have a 14 Yr old daughter with ASD and she has really not taken ownership of her periods, rages at me as though it's my fault she has them, until recently had pain but refused pain relief, is fairly scruffy in her disposal approach, almost to a dirty protest level. She now has Blinx period pants which state 6-8 hours use and is much happier, though a bit lax about the rinsing at bedtime hence I've done it occasionally to prevent her little brother being traumatised in the morning. She resists all advice. I would never have expected to be this intrusive/involved, but she seems incapable. Very intelligent girl. Will not shower, baths only, which I must set up. If I don't, she will not bathe. ASD is hard work

Sorry to butt in but my daughter is coming up to 12 and I'd like to be prepared. I haven't used period pants but do you have to wear pads with them?