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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband's nighttime wee

336 replies

canichange · 02/09/2021 16:28

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today Sad

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep Confused I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

OP posts:
CovidDoesNotExistDuh · 02/09/2021 18:59

Depends. If he is standing up to wee, door open and the flush is loud YANBU because he can absolutely be less noisy!

Try him using the family bathroom? Sitting down to wee is quieter too, as would closing the door be.

If he is absolutely trying to be as quiet as possible then YABU and need ear plugs or to sleep separately. I say this as an insomniac who is woken up by bloody everything, torturous combination.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 02/09/2021 19:00

YABU

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 19:02

Surely it would be better to try and spread your water intake over the course of the day, instead of glugging more than usual in the evening? I realise it won't necessarily stop the need for a nighttime wee, but surely it's worth changing that bad habit and seeing what happens.

I suspect it won't make much (if any) difference but anything is worth a try - sounds like he's not willing to do anything at all, though!

babouchette · 02/09/2021 19:02

I highly recommend silicon earplugs. They changed my life ... and I'm not exaggerating. Bio Ears are the best ones, you can get them in Boots.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 02/09/2021 19:04

I’m 31 and have needed to wee twice at night since I was 27 or so… it’s a lot more now that I’m pregnant!

How much I drink has little effect, it’s just how my bladder is.

TatianaBis · 02/09/2021 19:11

I pee every night around the same time. No idea why. Not linked to how much I've drunk the night before. DH sleeps like a log so it doesn't wake him. If it did we'd just sleep in separate rooms. It helps that we have a huge bed and I'm nearest the door.

TeenTitan007 · 02/09/2021 19:13

@canichange - we have a similar problem. With peri-menopause I have real trouble going back to sleep if woken up.

We've tried this and it's worked so far. I know most people use the toilet before bed. But after that we all lie in/read/watch Tv etc. I've found that if my DH takes himself for another wee after all this (even if he doesn't feel the urge) then it empties the bladder a bit more and he doesn't then wake up in the middle of the night for this. If he does it's past 5.30-6.00 so very tolerable.
Avoiding/reducing wine has also helped.

It still happens on occasion but that's better than every night.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 02/09/2021 19:13

Yabu. My bladder also wakes me up at same sort of time every night. I can't do anything about it. Not drinking on a night doesn't help and I'm not a child so I'm not doing that. Sometimes I wake my dh but then sometimes he wakes me.

Chumleymouse · 02/09/2021 19:14

I don’t think I’ve ever had to wake up in the middle of the night to wee ?.? I’m the wrong side of 50 now. It must be crap having to get up multiple times a night for a pee.. I do sleep like a log though.

FlumpsAreShit · 02/09/2021 19:21

I think YABU but I am surprised a man in his 30s has to do this. I only wake to wee when pregnant and I can't remember DH ever doing this. He drinks loads of water but he does space it throughout the day.

Lotusmonster · 02/09/2021 19:22

We’ve been through all of this. Things that helped us were

  1. no coffee after 2pm latest
  2. no water after 8.30pm
  3. zip n link mattress = less get up bounce
  4. oil your door hinges
  5. wear ear plugs
Lotusmonster · 02/09/2021 19:23

By the way, magnesium supplements at bed for you and him also help the muscles to relax and promote better sleep.

User2931 · 02/09/2021 19:24

If you think once a night is bad, wait till he's older!

My Dh has an enlarged prostate, as do many men over 50. He gets up at least twice and sometimes 3 times a night .

We have an en suite too but for a few years now we have slept in separate rooms. I don't like it and our sex life has taken a dive too because of it BUT I can't cope with being woken during the night that many times.

Once a night is normal really for men and if he's only 30-something not very likely he has anything wrong with his prostate. He'd be going every 30mins during the day too ( as does my DH a lot.)

godmum56 · 02/09/2021 19:26

@ThatMortgageDilemma

Prostate check, just to err on the side of caution.
just needing to wee at night is vv unlikely to be prostate. symptoms are www.nhs.uk/conditions/prostate-problems/
godmum56 · 02/09/2021 19:27

@FlumpsAreShit

I think YABU but I am surprised a man in his 30s has to do this. I only wake to wee when pregnant and I can't remember DH ever doing this. He drinks loads of water but he does space it throughout the day.
people are not all the same.
Mistymountain · 02/09/2021 19:28

YABU I'm afrai

I'm a woman and get up 2 or 3 times a night to use the loo, DH goes a couple of times as well. We don't have any trouble getting back to sleep though

randomsabreuse · 02/09/2021 19:31

If I wake in the night I need to pre, although if I don't get woken I'm good until morning. Do you have a neighbour who is s shift worker heading off at 3.30am, or some kind of heating kicking in that wakes him up, triggering the awareness of the need to pre, or is the need to pee waking him?

FreshFreesias · 02/09/2021 19:32

Separate bedrooms or a chamber pot next to his side of the bed.

Leibham · 02/09/2021 19:34

YABU but lack of sleep can do that. Lack of sleep is an evil thing!

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 02/09/2021 19:34

@FreshFreesias

Separate bedrooms or a chamber pot next to his side of the bed.
A chamber pot? Is this 1856?
Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 19:36

@randomsabreuse nope, no neighbours here. We live in the middle of the countryside.

He agrees that it's a habit waking and that he isn't being woken by the need to wee. It's more that his body clock wakes him up, then he starts thinking about going for a wee and then he can't get back to sleep until he has a wee.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 02/09/2021 19:38

YABU

He needs to ask his GP for a PSA blood test .
In men, having to get up every night to pee can be an early warning of prostate cancer.

Driftingblue · 02/09/2021 19:39

Oh you are in for a lifetime of torment if this bothers you. It may have hit a bit early for your husband, but this is just what happens as people age.

RandomMess · 02/09/2021 19:46

After your DH updates think I would acquire my own bedroom!

randomsabreuse · 02/09/2021 19:47

@canichange

Or fox/owl noises ...

We lived in a tiny hamlet and got woken every Thursday (market day) by a chicken lorry from the local farm!