Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband's nighttime wee

336 replies

canichange · 02/09/2021 16:28

Every night between 3 and 4 am, my husband gets up and goes for a wee in our en-suite. It's a fairy big bedroom and a big bathroom, so it's not like he is 'in the room', but he wakes me up and I can't get back to sleep.

He's been doing it forever, but we have a 4 and 2 year old who wake for the day between 5 and 5:30 and it's exhausting. If I'm lucky enough to doze back off to sleep, it's never long before the DCs are up so I'd only ever manage to grab a few minutes max.

He tries to be quiet but we live in an old house which creaks. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd night here and there, but it's basically every night. My day started before 4am today Sad

He seems to think it's just his body clock that wakes him up and he needs to go for a wee to be able to get back to sleep Confused I told him to stop drinking anything after teatime to see if he can break the habit - like when you are trying to get a toddler dry at night!

So:
YABU - let the poor man have his wee and go back to sleep.
YANBU - he needs to train himself to break the habit.

OP posts:
Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 18:39

DH has just come home. I have reported that I will stop drinking caffeine after 12 and perhaps use ear plugs.

He has said that not drinking all day and 'making up for it' in the evenings is how he is, and he probably won't bother trying to space it out throughout the day Hmm apparently he is too busy to drink during the day because he is out and about with work, and it is too inconvenient to take a bottle in the car Hmm

OP posts:
Graphista · 02/09/2021 18:41

YABU to be irritated with him it's not something he can help - not drinking after a certain time has zero effect on when someone needs a wee by the way inc children.

BUT what would concern me is a possible issue with his prostate even though it sounds like he is relatively young and it's a long term issue it could still be worth him talking to gp surgery

Too inconvenient to drink at work? Is he an astronaut or something?! Cos even surgeons manage during surgery!

He is not helping the situation nor his long term health with that attitude.

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/09/2021 18:42

It may be something simple like missing his last cup of tea because tea is something that can make people wee more frequently. This is a simple step that could solve the problem. It's always worth trying things like this.

Springstar · 02/09/2021 18:42

@canichange

DH has just come home. I have reported that I will stop drinking caffeine after 12 and perhaps use ear plugs.

He has said that not drinking all day and 'making up for it' in the evenings is how he is, and he probably won't bother trying to space it out throughout the day Hmm apparently he is too busy to drink during the day because he is out and about with work, and it is too inconvenient to take a bottle in the car Hmm

Your update makes him sound a bit of an arse! Sympathy Flowers
Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 18:42

He does none of the early mornings or night settling if the younger one wakes up. Apparently he needs his sleep because he works full time and I am a SAHM, so I can catch up on sleep during the day even though neither of my children have napped during the day for about 9 months.

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 18:42

apparently he is too busy to drink during the day because he is out and about with work, and it is too inconvenient to take a bottle in the car

Does he have access to a loo while he's out and about all day?

I also work out and about and find myself limiting what I drink as I can't always get to a toilet for a good few hours.

Fizzbangwallop · 02/09/2021 18:43

Separate bedrooms?

Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 18:46

@icedcoffees yes he does. He works in property so is usually visiting somewhere with facilities that he could ask to use. Admittedly he would probably avoid doing so at the moment due to Covid, but there is always the option of supermarket loos etc if needs be. He is part office based, part out of the office on appointments, so it's not like he is away from the office all day every day.

He usually comes home for lunch, where we have three loos! He said that if I make him a drink with his lunch, then he will drink it Hmm

OP posts:
Movinghouseatlast · 02/09/2021 18:47

Earplugs for you? Quies are very comfortable.

MMMarmite · 02/09/2021 18:48

YABU.

Have you tried wearing ear plugs?

HarrisMcCoo · 02/09/2021 18:49

Drink to thirst is best advice.

cultkid · 02/09/2021 18:49

Yes he's being really cruel then
He needs to go settle them back hopefully it only takes a moment and then you can know that you won't have to settle them if he wakes them?

Can you sleep separately I know it's not very romantic

MMMarmite · 02/09/2021 18:50

@canichange

He does none of the early mornings or night settling if the younger one wakes up. Apparently he needs his sleep because he works full time and I am a SAHM, so I can catch up on sleep during the day even though neither of my children have napped during the day for about 9 months.
Well for this part, he is being totally unreasonable. He has every right to wee whenever, but he needs to do his share of the childcare.
Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2021 18:50

I thought that was an old man thing.

Phobiaphobic · 02/09/2021 18:51

I feel your pain, OP, and this sort of stuff is exactly why me and my DH have separate bedrooms. Otherwise neither of us gets any sleep. Frankly I'm amazed at the number of people on here that think you should spend your life sleep deprived rather than your DH finds some kind of solution. You are absolutely not being unreasonable to want a decent quality of life, and you won't get that on insufficient sleep.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 02/09/2021 18:51

Is he actually able to get away though? I'm in zoom meetings all day and sometimes literally cannot get away to pee for 5-6 hours straight. If I'm lucky, the other people start discussing something briefly that I don't necessarily need to chime in on. That's when the laptop comes with me to the bathroom.
But overall, it's pretty bad and I do limit myself during the day when I know I won't have much of a chance to have a break. And no, lunch isn't an option a lot of the time either.

BritWifeInUSA · 02/09/2021 18:52

During pregnancy did you not have to get up in the night several times?

Bodies change over time. This happens to men as they get older. Telling him not to drink after “tea time” (whatever the hell that means) is akin to punishment.

I hope he shows more compassion to you when you start the menopause and all the changes to your body and routine that will bring. What happens to men and their prostates is nothing in comparison.

nahnahnahnahnahyeh · 02/09/2021 18:52

Get some ear plugs!

Chicchicchicchiclana · 02/09/2021 18:55

I need to get up most nights for a wee. It comes to us all.

idril · 02/09/2021 18:55

Going against the grain (unless the tide has turned after the first posts), I don't think you are being unreasonable. Of course, if he really needs to wee, then there isn't much you can do about it, but I agree it would be possible to train himself out of it if he tried. I used to wake up around 5am for a wee and then couldn't get back to sleep so I stopped drinking late at night but also, I held on for a while each time I woke to train my bladder to hold on for longer.

It worked - I rarely wake up to wee now (although I still do wake up sometimes, I don't need to wee so it's easier to get back to sleep).

If I was regularly waking someone up, I'd do my utmost to stop doing that and I know my husband would do the same.

SkinnyMirror · 02/09/2021 18:55

Aaaand this why we don't have an en suite!!

I'm in my 30s and hey up at least twice a night. I try not to disturb my DH as he's a light sleeper but not going to the loo is not an option!

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 18:56

[quote canichange]@icedcoffees yes he does. He works in property so is usually visiting somewhere with facilities that he could ask to use. Admittedly he would probably avoid doing so at the moment due to Covid, but there is always the option of supermarket loos etc if needs be. He is part office based, part out of the office on appointments, so it's not like he is away from the office all day every day.

He usually comes home for lunch, where we have three loos! He said that if I make him a drink with his lunch, then he will drink it Hmm[/quote]
Ah okay, then I change my response.

He's being a dick.

icedcoffees · 02/09/2021 18:57

@Gwenhwyfar

I thought that was an old man thing.
Why do people still think this?

Yes, it becomes more common in men as they age, but many people of all ages need to pee in the night. Everyone's different.

If you don't have to get up to pee at night, be very glad of it! It's a right pain in the arse.

Original poster
canichange · 02/09/2021 18:57

I accept that it isn't healthy to restrict water intake if you are thirsty, so that's fair enough. But surely it's not healthy to go all day with nothing or very little to drink until you come home for your evening meal?

Surely it would be better to try and spread your water intake over the course of the day, instead of glugging more than usual in the evening? I realise it won't necessarily stop the need for a nighttime wee, but surely it's worth changing that bad habit and seeing what happens.

OP posts:
SkinnyMirror · 02/09/2021 18:57

@canichange

He does none of the early mornings or night settling if the younger one wakes up. Apparently he needs his sleep because he works full time and I am a SAHM, so I can catch up on sleep during the day even though neither of my children have napped during the day for about 9 months.
That's a whole other issue and has nothing to do with his toilet habits! How selfish of him.