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AIBU?

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Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
StrangeToSee · 02/09/2021 14:05

Why can’t you give your toddler a snack when he wakes, have a coffee yourself, get showered etc and the room packed up and then meet her at 10am?

If she doesn’t have kids I understand why she doesn’t want to get up so early at the weekend and probably has no idea how toddlers are in the mornings.

Maybe she’s got a late night planned or is working late the evening before?

MrsDoctorDear · 02/09/2021 14:05

@SwedishEdith

If you've already spent a day with them, I'd just skip breakfast/meeting up completely the next day. You might be fed up of each by then anyway.
Agree with this. Enjoy the Saturday, say your goodbyes, then do what you want to do at the hotel you choose.

It's not that difficult.

femfemlicious · 02/09/2021 14:06

Fact is that people with no kids just DONT understand. They always think they will do better when they have kids

Meraas · 02/09/2021 14:06

This is madness, you're travelling 2 hours to her, and she can't travel 30 mins to your hotel or have breakfast a little earlier.

I really would cancel the whole trip.

Ionlydomassiveones · 02/09/2021 14:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

phishy · 02/09/2021 14:07

@femfemlicious

Fact is that people with no kids just DONT understand. They always think they will do better when they have kids
This is bullshit, most people without kids understand perfectly well. Please don't be so judgemental.
Notaroadrunner · 02/09/2021 14:08

@fuzzymoomin

Stay in the cheaper hotel further away, have breakfast by yourselves, meet her mid-morning for brunch/early lunch.
I would do this. Why on earth are you pandering to her demands? Book the hotel with the pool that you actually want to stay in and stop considering what suits her. If that means she can't get off her lazy arse to meet for breakfast then forget about meeting for breakfast. Have your family breakfast at a time that suits you, and then head off home.
Goldbar · 02/09/2021 14:08

YAbothBU.

Some lateral thinking can solve this. Give your DC breakfast in the room at his usual time (I used to give mine instant porridge made with hot water and a banana when we were travelling). Then meet around 11.30-12 for brunch, which can double as lunch for your DC. Then head home.

Book the hotel with the pool. Go swimming in the morning. Tell her you'll meet her in the middle for brunch (15 minutes drive for you both). If she can't be arsed to come 15 minutes to meet you when you've travelled up to visit her, then tell her breakfast is off.

Sleepyquest · 02/09/2021 14:08

Scrap the hotel and save the money. Toddler will sleep on the way home. Friend sounds too irritating

NerrSnerr · 02/09/2021 14:09

If you're not going to meet them for breakfast then I don't see the point in staying in the hotel as it's only 2 hours away. If the person is a good enough friend to warrant a hotel stay I'd try to compromise and see them.

waxytimes · 02/09/2021 14:09

Just go home after the Safari park...

Most of these places shut at 5 or so. You'd be home by 7/7.30 and DC could go to bed in their own bed.

If you're not going to meet the next morning (sounds like neither of you want to compromise), then why pay for a hotel?

8dpwoah · 02/09/2021 14:10

Wait, the more suitable hotel for you is only 30 mins away from her and it's 'too far'?

Balls to her. Go and do your Saturday thing with her as planned then enjoy your Sunday with your family without having to bend round two grown adults. I'm afraid I give far less chances to adults being idiots than I used to after the last year or so, I thoroughly recommend it!

Benjispruce5 · 02/09/2021 14:10

Is the day out with them on Saturday? If so, why do you even need to see them for breakfast? If not then why not have your breakfast as normal and meet them later after their late breakfast. So meet for a walk or coffee at 11/12?

ManifestDestinee · 02/09/2021 14:10

@femfemlicious

Fact is that people with no kids just DONT understand. They always think they will do better when they have kids
Rubbish. Most of us with kids don't understand...why you would revolve everyones day around small child for no real need.
KihoBebiluPute · 02/09/2021 14:11

Book the further-away hotel that has a swimming pool, have breakfast at a time that suits you, and meet up with your friend without any expectation of eating a meal with them, at 10ish somewhere close to their home before getting back on the road to get home for lunch. You aren't being unreasonable to expect the plans to work for you but you aren't half making a mountain out of a molehill with your reluctance to just say no to your friend's unrealistic expectations. I suspect you'll all enjoy yourselves more if you don't attempt to meet up on the Sunday at all as your needs aren't really compatible. You'd be better off just starting off your journey home by 10 and being home sooner, but if you want to meet up on Sunday you can be assertive about the parameters within which that can work for you.

diddl · 02/09/2021 14:12

So the main point is meeting at the safari park?

How far is that for you & is it nearer for her?

I'd be tempted to just do that & go home the same day.

If you want to stay over the hotel should be somewhere you as a family want to stay.

You get up & breakfast when you're ready & she pops round to see you before you go or not!

AryaStarkWolf · 02/09/2021 14:12

She isn't unreasonable to not want to meet for breakfast that early, you're not being unreasonable to not want to wait till 10am, she is BU in getting huffy about it though

sashh · 02/09/2021 14:14

Will a hotel still be serving breakfast at 10.30? I know holiday inn only serve until 10 on a weekend and earlier mid week.

Check the hotel time and that solves your problem. Friend can either arrive while breakfast is being served or you will meet for coffee later.

Goingbackto5oh5 · 02/09/2021 14:14

If I were in your friends shoes I would offer to let you crash at mine for the night instead of having to book a hotel near the house and then having to accommodate breakfast to my time. Unless her property is tiny I don't think it's fair for you having to fork out extra to be near her as well as keeping your DS entertained for that long. YANBU.

ButFirstTea · 02/09/2021 14:15

This isn't the point at all but 2 hours seems reasonably close to just drive back on the evening? If it was 4 hours each way I could see the point in staying over but 2 hours doesn't seem worth the expense and hassle of organising the hotel and breakfast to me!

thisplaceisweird · 02/09/2021 14:15

*Some lateral thinking can solve this. Give your DC breakfast in the room at his usual time (I used to give mine instant porridge made with hot water and a banana when we were travelling). Then meet around 11.30-12 for brunch, which can double as lunch for your DC. Then head home.

Book the hotel with the pool. Go swimming in the morning. Tell her you'll meet her in the middle for brunch (15 minutes drive for you both). If she can't be arsed to come 15 minutes to meet you when you've travelled up to visit her, then tell her breakfast is off.*

sensible.

There's a bit of "oh they don't have kids they don't get it" but there's also a lot of preciousness about your child. He doesn't have to have a hotel breakfast at 7am. He can have some fruit and instant porridge or cereal.

However, I would recommend that you just go home on Saturday. It's only 2 hours?? That's nothing.

callmeadoctor · 02/09/2021 14:15

Spend the saturday with them, say you have to head off first thing on Sunday so can't meet up, sorted!

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 14:17

This is bullshit, most people without kids understand perfectly well. Please don't be so judgemental

@phishy

I don’t think this is judgemental, I think there is definitely some truth in this.

Prior to having my own DC, I used to make plans with my friends with kids and wouldn’t really understand why we had to go at certain times to fit around naps / meal times and etc.

I had no idea how much hard work toddlers are until of course I have one myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 14:19

@Goingbackto5oh5

If I were in your friends shoes I would offer to let you crash at mine for the night instead of having to book a hotel near the house and then having to accommodate breakfast to my time. Unless her property is tiny I don't think it's fair for you having to fork out extra to be near her as well as keeping your DS entertained for that long. YANBU.
@Goingbackto5oh5

She said she would offer for us to stay over at hers but doesn’t want to get up early / be disturbed by DS.

He does wake early to be fair.

OP posts:
Legoisaws8om · 02/09/2021 14:20

Its not about pandering to the child's needs but the op has explained the friend wants her to pay more money to stay in a hotel nearer them with less facilities, isn't willing to even meet 30 minutes earlier as a compromise nor drive 30 minutes if they stay in a different hotel which would have entertainment for toddler thus allow meeting at a time to suit friend. There is no willingness to compromise from the friends perspective. That is the bit that is unreasonable. OP has said she would pusb till 09.30 for breakfast but friend is saying no.