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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
TakeYourFinalPosition · 02/09/2021 13:36

I don’t think 10:30 is an unusual time to meet a friend for breakfast, it’s the standard time my friends meet for breakfast, kids or no kids.

The logical solution is to move to a hotel that suits you, have breakfast with your DS at the normal time, then meet her for brunch at 10:30 somewhere.

But that relies on you wanting to see her for breakfast. If you’d rather just have breakfast early with your DS and go home, cancel the breakfast plans, it doesn’t fit with what you want to do.

Roominmyhouse · 02/09/2021 13:37

I don’t think either are being unreasonable it’s just different lifestyles. I don’t have kids and would not even consider getting up early on a Sunday morning to meet someone at 8am for breakfast. I’d have said 10/10.30 too. But you have a child and are used to early starts so that seems late to you.

I’d either split the difference and meet at 9 or just not bother having breakfast the next day. You’ll have spent the whole day together before so not sure breakfast is really that important?

Legoisaws8om · 02/09/2021 13:40

I think the lack of willing to compromise on her behalf is appalling and actually saying your 18 month toddler can just wait says alot.

I would defo just say look let's just do the safari park on Saturday and we will do our own thing Sunday as will want to hit the road when it suits us to get back.

Zilla1 · 02/09/2021 13:41

YANBU given the combination of her wanting you to book a more expensive hotel nearer to her for her convenience, for refusing to breakfast before 10am and for believing every 18 month old children would be happy to wait an extra couple of hours for breakfast. The gaucheness of messaging you to tell you that you are being difficult would be the cherry on top and I would be tempted to reassess the whole visit given that rudeness.

burnoutbabe · 02/09/2021 13:42

if she has suggested coming to the hotel for breakfast, then yes I'd assume that would be in normal hotel hours for breakfast (8-10 latest).

If it was just we'll meet for breakfast, i'd assume that more meant brunch.

Why not have the included breakfast (would she even be allowed in to have it anyway as a non hotel guest?) then pack up, check out and go to her house for quick coffee and goodbye at 9 before setting off home? much less effort for her!

overnightangel · 02/09/2021 13:42

Have your breakfast as planned then meet her for coffee somewhere at 1030 where she can get something to eat and you can just have a coffee …

Maskedrevenger · 02/09/2021 13:42

I’m confused you are having a day out with them but also leaving after breakfast.
On the off chance you are having the day out the day before then staying over why the rush to get back can’t you as a family have a nice relaxed 2nd day and a leisurely drive back and make the most of the hotel stay. As regards breakfast if your hotel includes breakfast in the room rate, eat breakfast yourselves at anytime you please. I’m guessing that your friend won’t want to eat breakfast in your hotel anyway, pretty sure they have stopped serving by 10.30, as it’s usually stupidly expensive for non residents and so she’ll want to meet up elsewhere at 10.30am? So you’d be giving up your paid for breakfast never mind causing upsetting your 18month old just so she can have a lie in. In the immortal words of the Grange Hill Cast song “ Just say no”

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:42

@TakeYourFinalPosition

I don’t think 10:30 is an unusual time to meet a friend for breakfast, it’s the standard time my friends meet for breakfast, kids or no kids.

I’d probably do the same thing at home.
I could give DS his breakfast then we’d head out and he’d have a snack / toast when we go out.

It’s the issue of us not being at home. If DS has breakfast at his usual time, we’ve then got to take him back up to a hotel room and entertain him for a few hours until our friends come at 10.30.

The hotel shes suggested isn’t close to a park and unless we just go for a walk along the main road (which DS hates being in his pram most of the time) then there’s nothing to do.

Funnily enough, the cheaper hotel actually has a gym with a pool, so if we stayed there we could take DS swimming until our friends arrive.

That hotel is 30 minutes away from them which she’s said is too far for them.

OP posts:
SwedishEdith · 02/09/2021 13:43

If you've already spent a day with them, I'd just skip breakfast/meeting up completely the next day. You might be fed up of each by then anyway.

unfortunateevents · 02/09/2021 13:45

Is it even possible for you to have breakfast at 10.30 a.m. in the hotel? Many stop serving around 10 a.m., by 10.30 you are probably looking at some sorry leftovers!

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:46

@burnoutbabe

would she even be allowed in to have it anyway as a non hotel guest

Yes, this is why she has suggested this particular hotel. She goes regularly for breakfast.

OP posts:
Zilla1 · 02/09/2021 13:46

Have they previously been a relatively precious person who expects their friends and the world to bend to accommodate their wishes, OP?

Sittingonabench · 02/09/2021 13:46

I would call off breakfast plans as your daily routines don’t match. Maybe change from breakfast to a coffee at her place (at 10:30 after your breakfast).
I can see her side though and don’t think she is being unreasonable - I wouldn’t necessarily want to be getting up at 7:30 on a Sunday for breakfast (even on a weekday 10:30 is the earliest I can stomach food), and while I sympathise that you have a toddler (and so your schedule matches theirs) I wouldn’t want my weekend to be dictated by a toddlers schedule. I wouldn’t think you were being unreasonable either though.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/09/2021 13:47

If they won't travel for half an hour, they don't really want to see you so just do what suits you best.

You'd be insane to stay in a more expensive hotel with poorer facilities just to please someone who won't travel for half an hour, when you've travelled for two hours to see them. Being able to go for a swim while you're in the hotel will be another extra that makes the weekend more memorable.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:47

@Zilla1

Have they previously been a relatively precious person who expects their friends and the world to bend to accommodate their wishes, OP?
@Zilla1

I mean I’ve not really noticed it prior to DS, but she does seem to be more difficult now we have our son.

OP posts:
Legoisaws8om · 02/09/2021 13:48

Sorry she is being unreasonable now with no compromise. I'd book into the cheaper hotel 30 mins away and do your own thing. Have breakfast when suits you, go for a nice swim and head home when your ready. X

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 02/09/2021 13:48

I'm really learning to just say no to this kind of thing because I got to a point where I was really putting myself and kids out to meet the demands of family members with no children. In fact I cancelled a whole trip on that basis- yes I was in a bit of a hissy fit but I was sick of just bending over backwards. Say no and do what's best for your toddler.

vivainsomnia · 02/09/2021 13:49

It's odd to meet for breakfast after you spent the whole day together. It's normally more for couple/families to do.

As such, 8am is normally too early especially on a Sunday. As your child is very little, it would make more sense for them to have breakfast so that when you do meet up, you don't have to feed him, just give him some snacks and things to play with.

I would either say 9:30, which is a fair compromise, or agree to forget about breakfast and you stay at the cheaper hotel.

Nc4post99 · 02/09/2021 13:49

[quote Tulips15]Are you on the day out with them saturday?
If so, I would'nt feel the need to meet for breakfast , just a coffee meet up.
I would have my breakfast with my family at 8am in hotel, then just have coffee and cake when your friends have their breakfast at 10.30?[/quote]
That’s what I’d do, have breakfast at your hotel as you’ve paid for it and then have a coffee and cake with your (annoyingly awkward) friend. Your toddler could have a babychino and a bit of cake, my little girl loves coffee mornings/ afternoons xx

QueenBee52 · 02/09/2021 13:49

@GoogleWhacked

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

Yeah, cos toddlers are that reasonable! What an idiot?!!

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day 🙄
Absolutely send this back to her!

This... with bells on 🌸

chesirecat99 · 02/09/2021 13:50

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

Grin Ha! As if...

Just give your DS some cereal or something in your room at 7am and meet your friends for breakfast at 10am, he can snack at 10am or just play in his high chair. Surely meeting them for breakfast is an adult social event, not for your toddler DS? It's not like he is going to be taking advantage of the buffet and will be missing out.

He probably has dinner at 5ish, no? You wouldn't suggest going out to dinner in a restaurant with friends at 5pm, would you? You need to be flexible if you want an adult social life, you can't make everything revolve around your DC.

CannaeRemember · 02/09/2021 13:50

@BarbaraofSeville

If they won't travel for half an hour, they don't really want to see you so just do what suits you best.

You'd be insane to stay in a more expensive hotel with poorer facilities just to please someone who won't travel for half an hour, when you've travelled for two hours to see them. Being able to go for a swim while you're in the hotel will be another extra that makes the weekend more memorable.

Completely agree with this.
knittingaddict · 02/09/2021 13:51

@thistimelastweek

Will the hotel even take orders for breakfast at 10.30?

And they are being unreasonable.

That's just what I was thinking. My experience is that breakfast in hotels stops around then. Can you even come in for breakfast if you aren't staying there? I don't think you can in every hotel.
Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:51

@Nc4post99

Oh ive yet to try him with a babychino, he will love that!! 😁

OP posts:
MerryHellbreakingloose · 02/09/2021 13:51

Book the cheaper hotel with the pool.

Go for breakfast as a family when it suits you/your son.

Offer to meet her and her husband at a coffee shop for brunch/a cake/whatever. Go in the pool until it's meet up time.

If she doesn't like this idea, don't meet her on the Sunday.

She's honestly being ridiculous.