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AIBU?

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Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 02/09/2021 14:22

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I take it she’s never met a toddler, they aren’t known for being particularly accommodating.

As PPs have pointed out, there are lots of ways that you could get around it and still meet your friend at 10:30. But given that your friend seems to want everything to be on her terms, in your position I wouldnt be inclined to be particularly flexible and would just do what suits you, which it sounds like is staying in the cheaper hotel, having breakfast early and hitting the road.

TimeForTeaAndG · 02/09/2021 14:22

Whether or not you have a kid is irrelevant. Your friend sounds completely unable to compromise. Won't travel to a further away hotel, won't meet earlier.

Agreeing with PP, if the Safari park is already booked I'd be travelling home the same night and blowing off the hassle of the Sunday morning.

Spanglemum · 02/09/2021 14:22

Does you friend want breakfast at this one particular hotel? To be honest I'd either drop in to hers/her breakfast place for a quick coffee on your way home, having stayed at the other hotel OR go home Sunday morning when it suits you OR go home Saturday.

clary · 02/09/2021 14:22

@MerryHellbreakingloose

Book the cheaper hotel with the pool.

Go for breakfast as a family when it suits you/your son.

Offer to meet her and her husband at a coffee shop for brunch/a cake/whatever. Go in the pool until it's meet up time.

If she doesn't like this idea, don't meet her on the Sunday.

She's honestly being ridiculous.

Yes, this exactly. Those suggesting meeting the friend at 10.30 are ignoring the issue of what to do with the toddler meanwhile.
rookiemere · 02/09/2021 14:22

Skip the breakfast plans - you'll have seen enough of them the day before- and pick the cheaper hotel with the pool that suits you best.

I'd just message her and say that you think it's easier to skip the Sunday meeting until you have a chance to visit her on her own ( if indeed that's something that you'd want to do in the future). Hotel pools and breakfasts are meant to be enjoyed not navigated to suit two diverging timetables.

InaccurateDream · 02/09/2021 14:22

You don't need to be in a hotel close to her if she's not going to get there early. I'd book the cheaper one further away, do what you want, and you can always have 'brunch' somewhere close to her if she really wants.

If you've had a nice day on the sat there's no point in a plan that doesn't work for either of you (paying over the odds to be close by but at the wrong time).

ChargingBuck · 02/09/2021 14:23

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

Let me get this straight.
She expects you to do all the travelling.
She's dictated that you must stay in the more expensive hotel because it's more convenient to her.
She doesn't think enough of you to want to join you at a reasonable time for breakfast, despite you needing to do the return travel afterwards.

And YOU are being the difficult one?
Grin Grin Grin

EL8888 · 02/09/2021 14:24

She just doesn’t want to have breakfast at 8am which on a day l wouldn’t either. How about doing lunch instead?

Goingbackto5oh5 · 02/09/2021 14:24

Ah that's fair @dandy008. It just seems to be a lot more hassle than it's worth - I'd say enjoy the trip and just head home! Days out with kids already require a lot of navigating and compromise without having to add adults not wanting to compromise in the mix.

Bimblybomeyelash · 02/09/2021 14:24

I’d stay at the cheap hotel, have an early
Breakfast then a swim, and then drive to meet her at 10:30 for
Brunch at the hotel
She wants to eat at!

diddl · 02/09/2021 14:26

She's not much of a friend is she?

Cannot see why you would even consider not staying in the hotel of your choice.

Potpourri23 · 02/09/2021 14:27

You might find this problem solves itself.... if she and her husband can't understand why you won't put their needs ahead of a toddler's, I think by the end of a day at a safari park you'll all have had more than enough of each other!

HallieHufflepuff · 02/09/2021 14:27

@Bimblybomeyelash

I’d stay at the cheap hotel, have an early Breakfast then a swim, and then drive to meet her at 10:30 for Brunch at the hotel She wants to eat at!
I would do this too ^
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/09/2021 14:27

She’s so unreasonable I don’t know where to start!

LittleGwyneth · 02/09/2021 14:28

I would expect a weekend breakfast to be about 10am. Can't you feed your son at his usual time and then have a group brunch/breakfast at 10 with some snacks / fruit for your son?

JudgeJ · 02/09/2021 14:28

@JustLyra

I would say that the best you can do is 9am and since you’re both being “difficult” you should just leave breakfast out of the equation.
Stay at the cheaper hotel, have breakfast at a time to suit you, travel on to meet friends who can have breakfast wherever and whenever they want!
CantGetDecentNickname · 02/09/2021 14:29

fuzzymoomin Thu 02-Sep-21 14:01:15
Stay in the cheaper hotel further away, have breakfast by yourselves, meet her mid-morning for brunch/early lunch.

This is the best reply I've seen. Enjoy the pool, have your own quiet breakfast by yourselves and then drive the half hour meet her later on. I know she wanted to meet you at the hotel nearer to her house, but she will just have to find somewhere that will let you have just a coffee or lighter choice while she has her breakfast. After you have driven 2 hours to see her and then another 30 mins over from your hotel as it is too much for her to do, "don't be ridiculous" is the response to any attempt to label you as "being difficult". She is the one "being difficult" by not meeting you half way on anything at all!
That or just see her on the Saturday as planned.

Most people who don't have children or regular contact with other people's, really don't understand the situation. However, most do make an effort to try to do so and at the very least would take your comments into consideration. Your friend seems very self-centred. Please let us know what you decide to do.

aspiecat · 02/09/2021 14:29

YANBU. I'd be tempted to say you'll just pay for the bed at the hotel and then come round to hers for breakfast. Arrive at 7.30-8ish and let her entertain your dc until 10.30 if she thinks that's an ok amount of time for a child to wait.

I used to go on holiday with some friends who always got up really late and kept everyone waiting. They are lovely people, just had a different idea of time to me, so in a way I think you're being reasonable, but when it's a case of adults getting out of bed a bit earlier and a child getting stressed and grumpy because they haven't eaten, then I think the adults should work around the child.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 14:29

@Bimblybomeyelash

I’d stay at the cheap hotel, have an early Breakfast then a swim, and then drive to meet her at 10:30 for Brunch at the hotel She wants to eat at!
@Bimblybomeyelash

If we stay at the cheaper hotel I am definitely not going back to the other hotel to accommodate her, especially when she’s refused to come to the other hotel because it’s too far for her.

I will suggest a meet up inbetween the two hotels.

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 02/09/2021 14:30

Funnily enough, the cheaper hotel actually has a gym with a pool, so if we stayed there we could take DS swimming until our friends arrive.

That hotel is 30 minutes away from them which she’s said is too far for them.

Fucking hell OP your friend is remarkably self-centred.
Bin off the bloody breakfast, she's giving you nothing but arseache.
Just have your day out with them, then stay at the hotel that suits you, & have a lovely time!

aspiecat · 02/09/2021 14:30

I meant to say "in a way you're BOTH being reasonable..."

EishetChayil · 02/09/2021 14:30

Just give DS his breakfast when he usually has it, and give him a snack while you're having breakfast with your friend. Having a toddler doesn't mean you can't be flexible. I've done this sort of thing with DD.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 02/09/2021 14:30

She's certainly calling the shots.
I'd not actually fancy going to meet her at all. She doesn't sound very nice.

WTFisNext · 02/09/2021 14:30

Honestly it sounds like your friend is just digging in her heels for the sake of it. If her lie-in is so precious why on earth plan to meet for breakfast with a toddler in tow family?

This isn't just about eating breakfast for your family. You'll all be up and ready to go by 7.30am from the sounds of it. Instead of wandering down for a companionable breakfast before heading off at a decent hour your friend is expecting you to hang around for a further 3 hours in a hotel that costs you more money than necessary to then have a delayed set-off to return home...which will probably also make lunch for toddler a rush.

Plus a delayed breakfast means checking out of your room before sitting down to eat so if toddler related shenanigans happen you'll have to use the public toilets to sort yourselves out rather than being able to pop back to your room.

From a perfectly selfish and greedy perspective too, hotel breakfasts after 9.30am or so aren't as plentiful or nice in my experience because the kitchen staff are sensibly starting to wind down how much is on offer to prevent food waste.

I'd honestly just respond with a decline and say the Sunday plans just won't work for everyone so you'd just like to stick with making the most of Saturday together...then change your hotel to the cheaper one!

NerrSnerr · 02/09/2021 14:32

This sounds like far too much effort. I'd just go home after the safari park.