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AIBU?

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Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 02/09/2021 13:29

If you’re having a day out with her on the Saturday then don’t bother meeting for breakfast and just go home on Sunday

mindutopia · 02/09/2021 13:29

I mean, I'm 40, but unless I was having a big night out and planning on a long lie in, 10:30am is quite late for breakfast. Why don't all of you have breakfast as normal and tell her you'll meet her for a coffee later in the morning? She and her husband can order breakfast if they really want to, and you can skip off without staying til the end if your ds is getting fussy sitting for breakfast #2.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:30

@TiredButDancing

I don't really understand - you're travelling that far, paying for a hotel all just for breakfast? Why not meet her for post-breakfast activity - walk/national trust/whatever then all have lunch together and then you and DH and DS head home?
@TiredButDancing

I said in my OP, we’re meeting for a day out.

We have tickets booked for a local safari park.

I’m saying over as they live 2 hours away from us.

Plans are on the Saturday, breakfast is Sunday.

OP posts:
Childrenofthestones · 02/09/2021 13:30

She sounds like a self obsessed arsehole.
I'd be looking for new friends.

Somethingsnappy · 02/09/2021 13:30

@Cheeeesecake

Meet them for brunch. Let your DS have his breakfast at a normal time.
Yes, this. It's easy really.
MrsWhites · 02/09/2021 13:30

So are you meeting up with friend for day out the day before then staying over? If so I would skip breakfast with them since you will have already spent the day together. Why is she so determined to make breakfast a thing?

To be honest with her attitude I would send back what you suggested, she’s being awkward and showing no consideration to you as a friend!

LavenderAskew · 02/09/2021 13:31

Eat breakfast in your hotel, met her for coffee (well not for the toddler) at 10.30.

You could suggest a play zone (though if she was reasonable she would suggest her house).

Though is the day out the day before? Because if it is why bother meeting up the day after if she's going to be awkward.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 02/09/2021 13:31

Here's an option.

Your friend books a place for brunch, at 10:30, or even 11.
You stay at home, get up as normal, feed DS as normal. You and DH eat or not (whatever works for you) then drive to brunch location and eat with your friends.

AntonMeyersNo1Fan · 02/09/2021 13:31

I think I’d just drive home after the day out or stay somewhere convenient for you and knock the breakfast idea.

You’ll have spent the Saturday together so although it would nice to breakfast on the Sunday, it’s not worth the aggro

Inertia · 02/09/2021 13:31

She’s utterly unreasonable to expect a toddler to hang on for breakfast until 10.30- he’ll be starving, and it’d mean you entertaining a grumpy toddler in a hotel room. And you’re paying extra- all just so she can have a lie in and have you dancing to her tune?

Another option is you go for your breakfast as soon as you’re ready, get packed up/ check out, and meet them for a cup of tea in the hotel bar/lobby at 10 am. They can order food if they want to. (Make sure you’ve ordered and settled your bill separately, she sounds like the type to try to saddle you with her bill too!)

HollowTalk · 02/09/2021 13:32

A two hour trip is nothing, though. I'd just go for the day.

AdoptedBumpkin · 02/09/2021 13:32

Overall I would say she is more unreasonable.

NannyR · 02/09/2021 13:32

Can you both compromise at 9/9.30 and take something for the toddler to eat in the hotel room when he wakes up (cereal, brioche, fruit)?

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 02/09/2021 13:32

Sorry, just seen your update. Could you meet on the Saturday?

Brieeeeeeeeeeee · 02/09/2021 13:32

Although I do see you want an early breakfast so you can get an early start back. It’s only 2 hours though, you’ll still get a decent chunk of your Sunday at home if you set off home at noon…

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 02/09/2021 13:33

Id have breakfast at 8.30 then leave. I wouldn't stand for that kind of rudeness.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:33

@LavenderAskew

Eat breakfast in your hotel, met her for coffee (well not for the toddler) at 10.30.

You could suggest a play zone (though if she was reasonable she would suggest her house).

Though is the day out the day before? Because if it is why bother meeting up the day after if she's going to be awkward.

@LavenderAskew

Yes the day out is the day before.

I told her I was thinking of booking a hotel so that we could make the most of our day out and I wasn’t rushing to get home.

That’s what she suggested the hotel by her house so she could meet us for breakfast.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 02/09/2021 13:33

If you want to head home early then just meet your friend for the day out on the Saturday, don’t make arrangements for Sunday and do as you please.

If you want to meet your friend on the Sunday as well, then give the toddler breakfast at the normal time and meet your friend for brunch / second breakfast a bit later. I don’t think I would be up for an 8am get together on a Sunday either and I am not somebody that enjoys a lie in!

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:34

@ICouldHaveCheckedFirst

Sorry, just seen your update. Could you meet on the Saturday?
@ICouldHaveCheckedFirst

We are meeting on the Saturday.

We have a day out planned on the Saturday.

I’m booking a hotel for the Saturday nights, she has suggested breakfast on the Sunday.

OP posts:
alwaysraininghere · 02/09/2021 13:35

This would have already ruined it for me snd I'd be leaving after the safari park if I could even be arsed to go for such a self centred so called friend. I'm afraid it's irrelevant what time you now meet...

WonderingFree · 02/09/2021 13:35

I found that we lost some friends when we started to have children. And I don’t miss them. Life has changed for you, you have changed (and your priorities) now that you have a child. This back and forth is just exampling this. There is no way your child can have a late breakfast and at 18mths you need for your baby to be running around on a beach or a park, as you say a hotel is boring for baby and impossible for parents.

My advice? Cancel the trip, do something for your family and send a text saying sorry it’s not going to work for us to meet.

Original poster
Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:36

@NannyR

Can you both compromise at 9/9.30 and take something for the toddler to eat in the hotel room when he wakes up (cereal, brioche, fruit)?
@NannyR

I did ask her what time would work for her and she said the best she can do is 10am.
I didn’t bother trying to suggest another time as I have a feeling she won’t do any earlier than the time she’s said.

OP posts:
TheTeenageYears · 02/09/2021 13:36

Hotel breakfasts are really not what they were pre covid. Carefully check out exactly what is on offer or you could be both out of pocket and very disappointed. 10.30am isn't really breakfast time - it's brunch and kids don't do brunch. If you really want to meet them take a suitable breakfast for your son to have in the hotel room and then meet at 10.30am and he can eat whatever he feels like or just stay in the cheaper hotel further away. Better still cut out the hotel if you are just planning to go straight home, it's money you don't need to spend.

Tulips15 · 02/09/2021 13:36

Are you on the day out with them saturday?
If so, I would'nt feel the need to meet for breakfast , just a coffee meet up.
I would have my breakfast with my family at 8am in hotel, then just have coffee and cake when your friends have their breakfast at 10.30?

BarbaraofSeville · 02/09/2021 13:36

Sounds like you're doing all the compromising. Spending extra on the hotel closer to them and waiting around until 10.30 for breakfast when you just want to get on the road means that the day will be wasted unless you're planning on doing something on the way home.

I'd stick with plan A of the cheaper hotel and earlier breakfast or you could always forget the staying overnight part and arrange to meet up halfway between your respective houses so you can just go for the day.