Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

[Dandy008]

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

This is still going?! It was all resolved some time ago.

If they won't travel for half an hour, they don't really want to see you so just do what suits you best.

This.

Whilst I wouldn't be wanting to go out to eat breakfast at 8am I wouldn't insist on it only happening at one specific location, which was dearer for my friend.

I'd book the cheaper hotel and have the facilities (check if open to all ages at all times though, early slots are often adult only in hotel pools)
And then arrange to meet somewhere separately for brunch after that.

Could she not offer to host you all for brunch at their place?

@EmbarrassingMama

I can't imagine many hotels will be serving breakfast at 10:30?!

Every single hotel I stayed at over this summer served until 10:30am, most til 11am on a weekend.

This is also a hotel that caters for non resident guests which is far more likely to serve breakfast til much later.
Infact the OP has already said the friend regularly eats there so probably knows breakfast is available at those times.

Well, you have some very weird ideas about what friendship is. Close enough friends to mention details of weekend plans in a catch-up but not close enough to actually bother to meet up?

I’m not the one with funny ideas about friendship @Rozziie

CANCEL THE CHEQUE!!!

@HyggeTygge didn't suggest anything remotely like that. Perhaps you need to learn to read?
Rozz you said the one single thing the friend wanted to do was the breakfast.

Are you now saying the friend wanted to go to the safari park?
It's funny you haven't been able to say yes or no to this.

Rozziie

As I've said a billion times now

How many? Can we have a recount please? Just to make sure that no one's making things up, obviously.

@myrtleWilson

Rozziie Can you really not imagine a regular WhatsApp chat between OP and friend which is updated say once/twice a week that goes something like this

Friend: Hey OP, hope you're having a good week. Am dreading going back to work next week.
OP: Oh god, I feel your pain. All good here, am seeing Mom on Friday and Andy has booked West Midlands Safari park for us in a couple of weeks - you know how much Tommy loves his animals! Hope work isn't too bad...
Friend: Oh, do send your Mom my love. WMSF isn't far from me, let me know when you're going and I'll see if I'm free to join you at the park - we could do a picnic
OP: That would be lovely - its been ages since we've seen each other...

blah blah blah

@myrtleWilson

This strangely pretty much exactly how it went…. 🤣🤣

Does anyone else think @Rozziie is my friend….?!

Dude… if it’s you… reply to my text.

@Dandy008

Does anyone else think *@Rozziie* is my friend….?!

Dude… if it’s you… reply to my text.

I wouldn’t bet against it

She certainly seems VERY determined to only see it from the "friend's" point of view, that's for sure!

Dandy008

Does anyone else think @Rozziie* is my friend….?!
hmm*

No, I doubt that she's got any.

Dude… if it’s you… reply to my text

Have you not heard from your friend since you revised your hotel plans?

@SmokyLittleBeefBath

Yes, she sent me a reply saying “ok”

But I haven’t heard from her since then.

I dropped her a text this morning asking how she is, she hasn’t responded yet.

That’s not unusual for her though.

Well, I hope she's realised that you're not the one who was being difficult and tgat you have a fab day out and enjoy your cheaper, better equipped hotel with your little'un

Bumping their gums....

Love that 😂

I would have breakfast at the hotel and then meet them for a coffee (they can eat if they want) at 10:30 before heading home. TBH I would have sent a laughing emoji response to the request you make your toddler wait until 10:30 for breakfast.

Sorry I'm late to the party!

@Dandy008

Does anyone else think *@Rozziie* is my friend….?!

Dude… if it’s you… reply to my text.

No. I would never be friends with someone as petty and passive aggressive as you.

I assume your friend isn't replying to your text because you've offended her, weirdly enough, but why would you care? You clearly dislike her, as she now knows if she happens to have stumbled upon this thread full of quite identifying details. Perhaps you should have labelled it as a vent rather than framing it as asking for actual opinions and advice because any attempt from me or anyone else to present an alternative view of the situation has been shut down by you and the other Mumsnet bullies. You didn't want advice, you wanted an echo chamber to validate your opinion of this so-called friend.

As I said, best of luck to you, OP. The friendship is most likely over and that's what you wanted, isn't it? You want to be right and for her to be wrong. You've got what you wanted - congrats!

No! you have compromised enough with the travelling, the staying over so that you can spend the day, you have a toddler and have to put him first, sorry I would be holding my ground & saying she's being unreasonable

@Rozziie

The friendship is most likely over and that's what you wanted, isn't it? You want to be right and for her to be wrong. You've got what you wanted - congrats!

Are you actually okay?!….

Do you have something going on in your personal life and you’re projecting it onto my thread?

I’m sorry if you’re having a difficult time, your comments are rather odd so I’m going to assume that you are having a hard time.

Take care

Er.....You're the one with the baby?! You're the one traveling all the way there with a young baby, paying to stay in a more expensive hotel at your 'friends' request because she can't be arsed to put herself out by traveling a few extra miles, despite the mileage you've traveled for her and the untold stress and stops you are probably going to have to make along the way due to traveling with a baby! Traveling 2 hours with a baby is no easy feat!

Your 'friend' is a selfish woman who clearly can't see past her own bubble! If I had a friend come up to visit me, and we didn't have the room to have them stay at ours, I wouldn't dream of being so rude as to tell them where they should stay, and if they've spent all that time and effort on the road with a baby just to visit me, I'd be getting my arse out of bed to meet them, as I know the hassle they've gone through just to visit me! Your friend has basically demanded you spend the money and put in all the effort into this meeting. I certainly wouldn't pay extra for a hotel to not 'inconvenience' her after paying for petrol and the stress in traveling all the way there, and I certainly wouldn't pay extra for a breakfast that is already included because she doesn't want to make even a fraction of the effort you've put in to visiting her. I'd knock that 'friendship' on the head. She's not a friend she's a selfish cow!

No - you're the one who came here asking about which of you was being unreasonable and then proceeded to drip feed reasons and additional details to support your 'case'. What a very weird thing to do. It's the kind of attitude to have towards a family member you barely tolerate or a work colleague, not someone who is supposed to be a friend! I've already said your friend does sound a bit unreasonable, but so do you, and you don't seem willing to see it. So why ask?

The fact you now seem to be a bit confused as to why your friend sent a terse message and has now not replied to you makes me wonder if you're just on a wind-up, to be honest.

@Rozziie

Have you read my posts up thread, it’s not unusual for my friend and I to not reply the same day.

Don’t worry though, she’s replied to me now.😁

All is okay. Plan still going ahead, you can relax and stop being so angry about this situation.

Oh don't worry @Dandy008, not angry in the slightest. Just more bemused at the passive aggressive, two-faced world of neurotypicals and extremely glad I don't inhabit it. Sorry you probably don't know what true friendship feels like - it's nice to know your friends genuinely love and support you and you can be direct about any issues rather than starting a 38-page thread on Mumsnet to bash you and encourage dozens of strangers to pile on.

If I were you I'd be a bit worried about this friend finding this thread and reading about she imposed herself on your family day out, is selfish, demanding and unreasonable, but hey, maybe you'll have a good old laugh about it together.

She is being unreasonable Just says no thanks