Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

[Dandy008]

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

"Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night."

Yeah, all of this really sounds like it was never planned as a trip to see the friends. Sure.

What happened was OP decided to drip feed more and more details to make it sound as if this friend for some reason decided to crash a family day out she was never invited to, to make sure people were in her favour.

Just why?

Rozziie Can you really not imagine a regular WhatsApp chat between OP and friend which is updated say once/twice a week that goes something like this

Friend: Hey OP, hope you're having a good week. Am dreading going back to work next week.
OP: Oh god, I feel your pain. All good here, am seeing Mom on Friday and Andy has booked West Midlands Safari park for us in a couple of weeks - you know how much Tommy loves his animals! Hope work isn't too bad...
Friend: Oh, do send your Mom my love. WMSF isn't far from me, let me know when you're going and I'll see if I'm free to join you at the park - we could do a picnic
OP: That would be lovely - its been ages since we've seen each other...

blah blah blah

It's pretty bloody weird to contact a friend and specifically mention that you're going to be in their area when they're NOT welcome to join in your plans

Eh? Not welcome?
How does that work, when they spent the whole of yesterday in each other's company at the park, then went on to enjoy dinner together?

Are you feeling quite well @Rozziie?
Your posts are getting increasingly irrational & strident about a non-event that's already happened.
Why not go out & enjoy some fresh air, & leave off flogging this long-dead horse? Get some sunshine, & have a lovely rest of today.

“ I didn’t invite them, the Safari park is around 40 minutes from where they live.
When I told her we had booked, she was the one who suggested they come and meet us.

I didn’t invite them as I didn’t think they would enjoy coming. Apparently she loves the safari park, hence why SHE suggested coming with us.”

This is what OP said about them meeting up. Then the friend also barged in on their family evening meal.

OP sounds laid back and seems to have gone along with it, she was even going to go with the more expensive rubbish hotel to accommodate her friend till she realised how late the ‘friend’ expected OP to hang around entertaining a bored fractious toddler.

That conversation wouldn't happen like that myrtle because Rozz knows for a fact that the only single thing the friend wants to do is have breakfast with the OP on the day she's going home.

It's pretty bloody weird to contact a friend and specifically mention that you're going to be in their area when they're NOT welcome to join in your plans. It's actually extremely rude! I've got friends in Bristol and I can't imagine messaging them to say 'oh I'm going to be in Bristol this weekend, can't wait' if I wasn't expecting to meet up! You just don't say anything if you don't want to meet up for whatever reason...it's not that hard!

If you don't get that, it explains a lot about why you don't understand OP's friend's completely normal assumption that she was included.

It’s not remotely weird to mention plans to friends in the midst of a general catch up.

Especially child-led plans that you didn’t think your friends would be into.

It’s weirder to specifically not tell someone you are doing something just because it’s local to them.

I certainly wouldn't class a 2 hr drive a long enough drive to justify a night in a hotel. For my toddler, it would be more of a faff staying over than just getting home a bit late but each to their own I guess and I know this isn't the point but this hotel stay and making breakfast plans seem to be so much more difficult than your whole day out the day before! Also no way I'd stay in a hotel where there's no entertainment for my toddler (even some outdoor area to kick a ball around!). This is being so badly planned and this whole back and forth regarding breakfast would put me off the entire shenanigans!

If I did have to pick, I'd say YNBU as you are already doing the majority of the travelling and staying in a hotel of your friend's choice. I do think 8am is way to early for breakfast but in this scenario, I'd be more accommodating if I was the childfree, local friend.

But as I said in the beginning,

Meet half for lunch ?

A leisurely evening meal would be better. May as well stay over so you can have a drink or two. Then you should def get breakfast together on day 3.

@HyggeTygge

A leisurely evening meal would be better. May as well stay over so you can have a drink or two. Then you should def get breakfast together on day 3.

Only 88 posts to go...

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Only 88 posts to go...

I really should hide this thread as it's doing my blood pressure no good at all. But there's a kind of horrible fascination to see what peaches some posters will come out with

(87 posts to go!)

Wait!! Has anyone suggested giving the toddler breakfast 7am and then having a snack at 10am at the breakfast meeting yet?

@ChargingBuck

It's pretty bloody weird to contact a friend and specifically mention that you're going to be in their area when they're NOT welcome to join in your plans

Eh? Not welcome?
How does that work, when they spent the whole of yesterday in each other's company at the park, then went on to enjoy dinner together?

Are you feeling quite well @Rozziie?
Your posts are getting increasingly irrational & strident about a non-event that's already happened.
Why not go out & enjoy some fresh air, & leave off flogging this long-dead horse? Get some sunshine, & have a lovely rest of today.

Oh for God's sake, do try to keep up. Perhaps if you'd read the thread, you'd see none of it has happened yet.

The comment about not being welcome is clearly referring to OP feeling put out that the friend 'invited herself' on these family plans. The basic fact is, they're not friends, are they? This is the basic misunderstanding between the two of them. The friend thinks there's an actual friendship, that OP mentioning she's in the area means she's keen to meet up and spend time together. OP clearly thinks of the woman as an annoying bother who she doesn't really like, hence the resentment and complaints about her.

I certainly wouldn't want a friend who saw me as a bother and neither would I want to have a friend if I truly believed they were selfish and inconsiderate, so what's the problem here?

Have you not had your breakfast yet @rozzie?
It's not too late to have another one - get your blood sugar levels sorted out.

@JustLyra

It's pretty bloody weird to contact a friend and specifically mention that you're going to be in their area when they're NOT welcome to join in your plans. It's actually extremely rude! I've got friends in Bristol and I can't imagine messaging them to say 'oh I'm going to be in Bristol this weekend, can't wait' if I wasn't expecting to meet up! You just don't say anything if you don't want to meet up for whatever reason...it's not that hard!

If you don't get that, it explains a lot about why you don't understand OP's friend's completely normal assumption that she was included.

It’s not remotely weird to mention plans to friends in the midst of a general catch up.

Especially child-led plans that you didn’t think your friends would be into.

It’s weirder to specifically not tell someone you are doing something just because it’s local to them.

Well, you have some very weird ideas about what friendship is. Close enough friends to mention details of weekend plans in a catch-up but not close enough to actually bother to meet up?

@ChargingBuck

Have you not had your breakfast yet *@rozzie*? It's not too late to have another one - get your blood sugar levels sorted out.

I'm absolutely fine, thanks. Just enjoying how everyone loves the echo chamber.

Sorry to step out of line.

Yes, OP, you're so right, your friend sounds horrible and you definitely shouldn't try to make amends now you've offended and upset her. If she brings up the breakfast plans again, make sure to remind her she wasn't actually invited to any of it and you didn't actually want to see her anyway. If she's not alienated enough by that, don't forget to tell her how ridiculous it is to expect to meet you for a nice social breakfast - doesn't she realise you have a toddler?

Best of luck OP! Hope you manage to cut off this dreadful friend and she won't continue with the delusion that you might actually want to spend time with her next time you're in the area. Some people are just so unreasonable and weird!

Well, you have some very weird ideas about what friendship is. Close enough friends to mention details of weekend plans in a catch-up but not close enough to actually bother to meet up?

Did I miss the post from the OP @Rozziie where she said they were no longer meeting up at the Safari Park and having dinner that evening?

OP If you're still bothering with this thread, please do start a 2nd. Just to give Rozz something to do!

@Feedingthebirds1 - I know what you mean!

(79 now)

@HyggeTygge

So do you concede that the friend wanted to go to the safari park, Rozz?

We need to leave enough space for Rozz to answer this. Currently she seems to be arguing that op is dragging friend along to the safari park against the friend's will, but also not telling the friend about this or meeting up with her. It's an incredibly complicated situation and OP hasn't yet submitted her evidence about what time, specifically, the cat needs collecting from the cattery, so perhaps judgment should be reserved until this has been received and authenticated.

@HyggeTygge didn't suggest anything remotely like that. Perhaps you need to learn to read?

I said if the plan was never to meet up with the friend, then it was very odd for OP to have mentioned the safari park trip at all. If they're close enough friends to be having catch ups and taking about detailed weekend plans, then it would be very strange for OP to drive 2 hours to a safari park where the friend lives and not want to meet the friend. Many posters seem convinced that the friend invited herself along and it was never part of the plan to see her - that's what I'm referring to. As if OP is putting up with this annoying woman crashing her family day out, when OP herself created the entire situation by telling her friend she would be in the area - something any normal person would take as a suggestion to meet up!!

But of course, it doesn't matter, does it? As I've said a billion times now, OP is not interested in trying to understand the friend's perspective. She just wants everyone to agree with her that her friend is selfish, demanding and inconsiderate. Absolutely zero interest in trying to understand where the friend is coming from or why her own behaviour is coming across as fussy and difficult. I will never understand why people maintain friendships with people they clearly dislike but hey, it's OP's life.

Best of luck OP!

If I was meeting friends for breakfast, or even just going out for breakfast with dh, there is no way I'd be expecting to be going for 8am. 10-10:30 for a letter breakfast would definitely be the norm for eating breakfast out in my experience.

On holiday we had breakfast around 10-10:30am, the hotels all served at weekends til 11am And 10:30am week days.

If I wanted to still meet up I'd compromise and go down for early breakfast with the toddler; child can eat and I'd just have something light such as some toast and a tea. I'd then meet later for brunch - and when toddler old have a snack or might be napping in their pushchair.

OP hasn't yet submitted her evidence about what time, specifically, the cat needs collecting from the cattery, so perhaps judgment should be reserved until this has been received and authenticated.

Good point @HyggeTygge - could you chase OP up on the Official Cat Collection Time? - sorry, but will need that to be backed up with full documentation & a fancy wax stamp, as I am filing all progress points with a Notary Public, for the official record.