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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting for breakfast - Which of us is being unreasonable.

989 replies

Dandy008 · 02/09/2021 13:17

Im meeting a friend in a few weeks time who lives in a different part of the country to me.

We’ve arranged to have a day out.
It will be her and her husband, myself, my husband and our 18month old son.

As they live some distance, we have decided to book a hotel and stay over night.

My friend has asked me to book a hotel right by her house so that it’s less distance for her to travel to meet us the next day for breakfast.

I’ve agreed to this, even though we could get a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

We were chatting and she said she would come and meet us for breakfast at 10.30am

I explained that DS wakes around 6.30 and is ready for his breakfast at 7am.
I could probably distract him and at a big push take him down for breakfast at 8am

I also explained that it’s a 2 hour drive back home so Ideally we wanted to head home after an early breakfast.
There’s not much for DS to do in the hotel so once we’ve eaten it makes sense to leave.

She told me that 8am is too early for her and her husband (they don’t have kids) and that the best she can do is 10am.

I’ve suggested then that we skip breakfast and I will book a cheaper hotel a bit further away.

She’s since sent me a text telling me I’m being difficult and that my DS will be fine waiting for his breakfast until 10.30am for just one day.

I’m tempted to message back and say her and her husband will be fine having breakfast at 8am for just one day… 🙄

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 04/09/2021 23:47

[quote LimeRedBanana]@Rozziie - maybe you can explain where you see the friend doing some of the accommodating / compromising in this meet up.

It might help us to get where you’re coming from.[/quote]
Rozzie, I really can't be arsed to battle past your deliberate miscomprehension any further, so pls see above & don't bother namechecking me again huh?

PS - cheers Lime, & 9000 other PP :)

Teawaster · 04/09/2021 23:55

This thread is hilarious. So many people over invested .

HyggeTygge · 05/09/2021 00:05

OP: We've decided to go on a day out, meet a friend there, then book a hotel to stay the night as we'd prefer to drive back the next day in time to do things at home.

Everyone: have you considered not doing any of those things? Why don't you not do those things and do what I'd chose to do instead? It's very rude to do those things and not the things I'd choose. You sound like hard work.

midsomermurderess · 05/09/2021 00:14

Holy sweet moly, on it grinds.

Twillow · 05/09/2021 00:28

THIRTY FIVE pages on this non-issue Confused

Just go home after the sodding safari park.

JustLyra · 05/09/2021 00:33

The friend is happy to go along to the safari park with the kid and have dinner at OP's chosen (inconvenient) time.

That’s generally what happens when someone mentions a day out they’ve planned and you decide to join them…

Only someone with absolutely zero manners would do otherwise.

midsomermurderess · 05/09/2021 00:40

Twillo pages and pages and pages ago the op gave her resolution to this. Pages and pages and pages later, on and on, people come back with what they think she should do. This is Mumsnet at its worst. No meaningful engagement with the poster, just people bumping their gums, into the void. It is utterly wearisomely pointless.

Twillow · 05/09/2021 00:55

@midsomermurderess

Twillo pages and pages and pages ago the op gave her resolution to this. Pages and pages and pages later, on and on, people come back with what they think she should do. This is Mumsnet at its worst. No meaningful engagement with the poster, just people bumping their gums, into the void. It is utterly wearisomely pointless.
Yes indeed, a mumsnet gem!

OP: AIBU?
EVERYONE: Pretty much
OP: I don't see it.

season2 · 05/09/2021 01:32

@Rozziie the OP always intended on staying at preferred hotel and spun this to elicit sympathy from mumsnet and have an opportunity to have a whinge about her friend. Why did she even bother asking for opinions in the first place as she's only interested in those who indulge in her sad story of this dreadful friend who dared to suggest she join their family day to spend time with them.

LimeRedBanana · 05/09/2021 01:35

OP: AIBU?
EVERYONE: Pretty much
OP: I don't see it.

What are you on about?

Most people don’t think the OP is being unreasonable - that’s why the thread is going on and on, well past the OP having made her decision and moving on! Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/09/2021 02:44

Agreed - the swing is definitely more in the OP's favour than not, there are just a few very vocal and repetitive types in the "friend's" camp, and numerous newbies who haven't read the thread offering the same tired old option that doesn't work.

Anyway, there are only 138 messages left so hopefully the thread will close out soon!

Dangermouse5 · 05/09/2021 03:00

[quote season2]@Dangermouse5 perhaps you should learn to use the filter better as nowhere did the OP say there was a 12:30 deadline to pick up the cat. You're making things up.[/quote]
Whaaaat?? Learn to read

Yes she did right back in the first 100 posts

Seriously you are illiterate

Dangermouse5 · 05/09/2021 03:01

[quote season2]@Dangermouse5 what deadline? Op has said she needs to pick the cat up but has never specified a time. She's also said she doesn't like leaving the cat for too long as the cats become accustomed to her DH working from home. Doesn't sound like a deadline to me, she'd just prefer to be home earlier rather than meet her friend for a nice breakfast. [/quote]
She did
Learn to RTFT

It's embarrassing now for you

Tiana4 · 05/09/2021 03:18

Back at 13.22 on FRIDAY this was all resolved and was all answered way before then

Yes there was a deadline for cattery in Sunday at 12.30
No OP couldn't stay longer on Sunday and she said so in the original post!!! And she also said no to a late breakfast

Ridiculous illiterate PPs since that have wasted over 250+ posts since...
Because they can't be bothered to read!!! Even OPs original post nor that it was resolved 37 hours and multiple posts ago!!!!!! And that point was repeated multiple times!!!

Utter stupidity in action

I am the one poster that people have quoted multiple times when OP updated to reply to me back at 13.22 on FRIGGING FRIDAY!!! that she was staying at the hotel with pool and no Sunday meet ups, just the Saturday, That post has been repeated at least 7 times. Learn to read before you post new posters...
Any Posters showing their ignorance please realise that that earlier posters are playing MN bingo about you!!! HmmGrinSmile

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/09/2021 05:22

Much though I agree with the rest of these last 3 posts, the OP herself has never actually stated a 12:30 deadline for collecting the cat. It can be inferred from her posts, but she's never said it.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 05/09/2021 06:43

I’d sack her off and certainly wouldn’t give her the whole weekend. Meet half way on Saturday.

over2021 · 05/09/2021 06:48

Missing the point because I can't understand why you'd go up all this effort to not do a two hour drive home. I do well over half that to work and back five days a week!

LesleyA · 05/09/2021 07:05

I seriously don’t understand why the meeting up has been agreed to with you putting all the effort in the drive, the cost in the hotel and she can’t get out of bed. I’m sorry that’s a joke. You are going to do much effort the very least she can do is wake up earlier...or meet half way or come to your side and pay for a hotel. Are you usually the one who compromises and is the people pleaser in the friendship. Also if a 2 hour drive requires you to book a hotel make it a one hour drive and meet there. Do the Marie Kondo thing about cleaning and chuck it out if it doesn’t bring you joy making room for another friend.

It’s not really even about the breakfast it’s why the heck u making the effort when she can’t be flexible. In saying that give your child a roll and then eat a bit later. That is early for a weekend day.

supersop60 · 05/09/2021 08:08

@LesleyA

I seriously don’t understand why the meeting up has been agreed to with you putting all the effort in the drive, the cost in the hotel and she can’t get out of bed. I’m sorry that’s a joke. You are going to do much effort the very least she can do is wake up earlier...or meet half way or come to your side and pay for a hotel. Are you usually the one who compromises and is the people pleaser in the friendship. Also if a 2 hour drive requires you to book a hotel make it a one hour drive and meet there. Do the Marie Kondo thing about cleaning and chuck it out if it doesn’t bring you joy making room for another friend.

It’s not really even about the breakfast it’s why the heck u making the effort when she can’t be flexible. In saying that give your child a roll and then eat a bit later. That is early for a weekend day.

RTFT, or at least, the OP's posts. It's resolved.
ChargingBuck · 05/09/2021 10:19

@over2021

Missing the point because I can't understand why you'd go up all this effort to not do a two hour drive home. I do well over half that to work and back five days a week!
Because it's not a commute - it's a holiday. What part of that concept are you struggling with? Do you need further assistance?
Rozziie · 05/09/2021 10:24

@LesleyA

I seriously don’t understand why the meeting up has been agreed to with you putting all the effort in the drive, the cost in the hotel and she can’t get out of bed. I’m sorry that’s a joke. You are going to do much effort the very least she can do is wake up earlier...or meet half way or come to your side and pay for a hotel. Are you usually the one who compromises and is the people pleaser in the friendship. Also if a 2 hour drive requires you to book a hotel make it a one hour drive and meet there. Do the Marie Kondo thing about cleaning and chuck it out if it doesn’t bring you joy making room for another friend.

It’s not really even about the breakfast it’s why the heck u making the effort when she can’t be flexible. In saying that give your child a roll and then eat a bit later. That is early for a weekend day.

Oh but according to all the other posters, she's not driving to see the friend, she's driving to the safari park anyway. From the friend's perspective, she's fitting in with all OP's plans on day one, and the one single thing she wanted to do (breakfast), OP is being awkward about having to rush home along with a dollop of condescension and judgement about how lazy the friend and her husband are not to want to get up at the crack of dawn on a Sunday.

I love that OP has yet to explain why she even bothered mentioning to the friend that they were in the area if she feels like the friend has 'invited herself' to all the things she's planned as if she's some burden. OP clearly doesn't like the woman and doesn't particularly want to see her and is doing some inexplicable martyr act over a late breakfast idea. Hopefully she's seen this thread and will see what OP actually thinks of her.

Rozziie · 05/09/2021 10:30

[quote season2]@Rozziie the OP always intended on staying at preferred hotel and spun this to elicit sympathy from mumsnet and have an opportunity to have a whinge about her friend. Why did she even bother asking for opinions in the first place as she's only interested in those who indulge in her sad story of this dreadful friend who dared to suggest she join their family day to spend time with them.[/quote]
100%. I genuinely hope the friend sees this thread. OP's attitude is awful. Absolutely zero interest in trying to understand where the 'friend' is coming from and to communicate properly with her, just wants everyone to agree with her as if that's the important factor. Then will wonder in a few years why she's got no friends. Look at the reply she was considering sending to the friend - who the hell thinks like that about a friend?

Imagine purposely contacting a friend to tell them you're driving to their area and then being put out when they 'invite themselves' to the plans you mentioned. Confused

BlackShadowCat · 05/09/2021 10:40

This is bonkers!

As far as I can tell, the OP is happy spending the day with her friend and her husband. The OP just wants to head off home the next day and not meet for a late breakfast. That's perfectly valid. The OP also wants to stay at a cheaper hotel with more facilities. That's also perfectly valid. This should be a total no-brainer.

YukoandHiro · 05/09/2021 10:42

She's insane and selfish and has no interest in your family life. Cancel the trip and drop her

VillanellesOrangeCoat · 05/09/2021 10:47

HOUSE! Grin