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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 3 & 4 year old should sit quietly through a wedding?

264 replies

appleturnovers · 01/09/2021 22:08

I went to a wedding last week and I was pretty embarrassed as there were two children, 3 and 4 years old, who were just walking around wherever they wanted and speaking quite loudly, at points drowning out the vicar and even the bride and groom saying their vows. They were wandering around the altar, walking up the aisle, coming and standing next to the bride and groom, one of them even walked up behind the vicar as they were exchanging the rings.

In fairness, both sets of parents were part of the wedding party so were unable to do much, and the grandmother who was supposed to be minding them both was clearly trying but struggling to keep them in check.

I normally love seeing children at weddings as in my view weddings are a family event, and there were almost a dozen babies, toddlers and young children at my own wedding, but I don't remember a single one of them behaving anything like that. Then again, I don't have kids of that age myself so maybe I have unrealistic expectations about what sort of behaviour children that age are capable of...

So, AIBU to think that children aged 3 and 4 are old enough to sit reasonably still and quietly, (and I don't mean in complete silence, but perhaps whispering if they absolutely have to say something, and not wandering up to the bloody altar) during a 45 minute wedding ceremony?

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 02/09/2021 05:56

@user1493494961

Mine would have sat quietly but they were used to going to church.
This^ plus the promise of cake afterward, if they were good.
PurpleOkapi · 02/09/2021 06:37

YABU to think a normal 3- or 4-year-old is going to sit still for an hour, refrain from exploring unfamiliar surroundings, and not approach their parents who are standing on the other side of the room, of their own free will. But Grandma should have taken them outside well before things got to that point. You say she was "clearly trying and struggling," but what exactly was she doing? They're small. Grab one by the hand, pick up the other one, and drag them out.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 02/09/2021 06:40

@mathanxiety

Also, how many children have had the opportunity to practice needing to sit quietly for any length over this last 18 months?

Mealtime at home?

Even watching tv at home?

I know there are parents who let their children run wild at home though, and mealtimes are not as decorous as they could be.

Neither of those are necessarily 45 minutes and they definitely don't have to be quiet. So sitting, yes . Quiet? Not so much.
liveforsummer · 02/09/2021 06:47

Some would be able to perfectly , some might be able to be mostly contained but others not a hope. Huge range of abilities to sit quietly at that age. The latter should perhaps be removed by grandma though.

gingerbiscuits · 02/09/2021 06:52

@MadeOfStarStuff

Perhaps not reasonable to expect the children to sit still and be quiet but they should have been removed and not allowed to disrupt the wedding.
This! ⬆️

I'd have been FUMING if that was my wedding!

Justgettingbye · 02/09/2021 07:05

I would say my 4 year old would if I gave her some colouring or a tablet (then you have to deal with the horror of a screen in church from everyone!) at 3 it would have been trickier. She wouldn't have wandered but just would have talked loudly

Thatsplentyjack · 02/09/2021 07:08

Actually my kids would have sat quietly for that because they were told to. They may not have been happy about it, but they would have done it.
I don't know if I would have taken them to sit through it though. Even I find wedding or any church services boring.

Tossblanket · 02/09/2021 07:11

Yanu if you think a 3-4 year old will sit through a wedding of their own volition.

Weddings are fucking boring at the best of times.

Whoever was supposed to be looking after them is at fault.

PeonyTime · 02/09/2021 07:13

@WhisperedWords

It’s a completely unreasonable expectation that they could sit quietly for 45 minutes but not unreasonable to expect the person in charge of them to keep them quiet/entertained or take them outside.
This nails it exactly.
HelgaDownUnder · 02/09/2021 07:15

Were the B&G bothered? If both sets of parents were in the bridal party and grandma didn't want to leave it sounds like close family.
They may have agreed that anything short of a screaming meltdown and the kids would stay.
Some people are very chilled about that kind of thing. In my family it would be laughed off. I can't think of anyone who'd be offended by children trying to join their parents in a bridal party (which it sounds like they were trying to do).

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 02/09/2021 07:19

When ds was that age I would have managed expectations and declined his invitation!

DeadButDelicious · 02/09/2021 07:22

It's too long to expect them to sit quietly without something to occupy them. Allowing them to wander about wasn't ok though, grandma should of took them outside.

My 4 year old wouldn't manage it, she'd be distracted by the pretty dresses for a bit but not enough to sit quietly for 45 minutes, not without a distraction.

To be honest though the idea of dragging my four year old to a wedding and trying to get them to sit quietly for that length of time sounds awfully stressful and I wouldn't do it to myself.

Jobsharenightmare · 02/09/2021 07:23

I imagine this is why many people have a child free wedding.

^ indeed it was. The reception was enough of a challenge with a couple of threenagers in close family but no way were they ruining the ceremony.

londonrach · 02/09/2021 07:25

I don't know a single 3 or 4 year who sit for 45 mins...maybe if you had a bag of snacks and activities. Yabu. I have a 5 year old and she might just sit for that time. Granny should have taken them out.

User5827372728 · 02/09/2021 07:26

My kids wouldn’t have at that age… so there’s no way I would have taken them!

PluggingAway · 02/09/2021 07:28

I think I would struggle to sit through a 45 minute wedding ceremony! I don't think I've ever been to one where it's dragged on for that long.

I agree that the kids shouldn't have been running riot but it's not their fault. The person minding them should have taken them outside or something.

Comtesse · 02/09/2021 07:31

I think the more pertinent question is: What is the point of judging them after the event? E.g. Why didn’t you help rather that tutting now days afyer the damage is done?

Rosebel · 02/09/2021 07:32

No. I don't know many 3 or 4 year olds who could. Then again my parents used to make us go to church when we were younger than that and I'm pretty sure we just had to sit still.
It wouldn't have bothered me at my wedding (which was only 20 minutes long) but I wouldn't let my children act that way at someone else's.

WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 02/09/2021 07:34

They shouldn't have had children at the ceremony then. 3 & 4 is very young and weddings are boring as fuck so YABU

girlmom21 · 02/09/2021 07:35

I don't think I'd expect them to be sitting still but I'd expect them to be quiet.

Then again, I'd also expect my close friends/family to help a struggling fellow guest at a wedding rather than sit there judging them.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 02/09/2021 07:35

At 3/4 I wouldn’t expect them to be especially quiet (most children I’ve known at that age couldn’t go 45 seconds without talking Grin) but I would expect the older one to be able to stay in their seat to be honest, even if they are bored. Chocolate buttons might have come in handy!

Regardless though, these ones obviously didn’t stay in their seats so their grandmother should have taken them outside if it seemed to be bothering the B&G. Unless it was one of her children getting married in which case it would have been nice for someone else to offer to take them outside for her.

RobinPenguins · 02/09/2021 07:38

My 3 year old would struggle to sit quietly for that long. In fact I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t let her just get up and run around though, she’d have to play at the back of church or something.

45 minutes is a long time. I get restless sitting for that long watching something that doesn’t really interest me and I’m 35.

MerryHellbreakingloose · 02/09/2021 07:38

What on earth were you embarrassed about?

Bizarre.

Lockdownbear · 02/09/2021 07:40

both sets of parents were in the bridal party

I missed both sets of parents were in the bridal party, so we are talking about two little cousins, potentially one being the B&Gs, and one being their Neice / Nephew (MOH & Best Mans kid).

Unrealistic to expect Granny (MoB/MoG) to leave her child's wedding service. Far easier to let them wander than to mess around with ipads or crayons at the front of the church.

Really sounds like the B&G weren't bothered and neither should anyone else be.
People are so judging I really couldn't care less that two of my tiny guests ran down the aisle and stood at the alter. Their mum apologised later but really their was no need to. They were ushered back to the seat by their Dad but no big issue and certainly didn't ruin our ceremony.

dottiedodah · 02/09/2021 07:44

Children find it hard to stay Still however the parents were very remiss to leave them wandering around. Surely dgm could have taken them outside to play