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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband had son's head shaved

166 replies

SooooooAnnoyed · 01/09/2021 14:16

We agreed he needed a haircut before school starts and he has had nice short cuts in the past which is what I expected but, to my horror, he brought him home from the barber with a practically shaved head. He is only 4 and I would only shave his head if he had lice or ringworms or some other disease of the scalp. It's also getting colder so I wonder why he thought this was a good idea. AIBU to be really annoyed by this?

OP posts:
RacistAngst · 01/09/2021 18:59

I do hope that the school won’t go further than ‘dont do it again’ talk. to the parent (hopefully to the father rather than the OP)

Original poster
SooooooAnnoyed · 01/09/2021 19:05

Your questions and comments have made me think some more and I realise what might have happened. I suspect DH didn't want to admit it because I was so upset but I'll get the truth out of him yet! (Not revisiting this today though because I have talked to him enough about hair).

DH is balding and cuts his hair very short which suits him quite well. DS is going through a phase where he wants to be just like his father - he wants to dress like him and everything. They went to get their hair cut together without me. We usually all go and, to our regular barber, we have described what we wanted and shown photos. I don't think DH is as clueless as to ask for a number 1 by mistake and an experienced barber would have definitely questioned it as one poster has mentioned. I believe DH decided to give them the same cut (DS may very well have asked for it). I think it's cute that they want to be the same but DH now understands this shouldn't happen again.

I've really enjoyed reading your responses!

OP posts:
KittenKong · 01/09/2021 19:06

RacistAngst Yea I was querying the poster saying that the school would punish, not the parent. You’d have to be an odd parent to punish a child for the fathers choice of cut.

MadgeMak · 02/09/2021 18:02

@MyDcAreMarvel

Wow , any kind of buzz cut looks awful on primary age children.
Don't be ridiculous.
Mollymoostoo · 02/09/2021 18:04

@SusieBob

It's done now and it's just hair, it'll grow back.
I agree, you can't stick it back on. Take him yourself next time. He is only 4 so the school won't object. If he was 14 and had tram lines they might.
FreddieMercurysCat · 02/09/2021 18:07

YABU

Dnaltocs · 02/09/2021 18:08

Think if Mum explained to school they’d forgive.
My true irritation is parents being annoyed when schools stick to the rules. We send our loving children to school, know boundaries and be decent members of society. Then some parents become irritated when school step in to punish children for rule breaking the set rules.

Comments from parents who are cross with the school, are doing their loving children no favours. If you don’t like the rules find another school for darling child.

SallyWD · 02/09/2021 18:15

I cut my sons hair with clippers during lockdown. I had no idea what I was doing and shaved a stripe on the back of his head. There was no hair there at all. He was completely bald where the stripe was. I was terribly upset and felt like I'd have to keep him inside for weeks but in less than week it had grown back and blended in with the rest of his hair. I couldn't believe how quickly it grew! In a couple of weeks your son will look much better.

SweetPetrichor · 02/09/2021 18:20

It’s only hair, it’ll grow back. Not worth giving any thought.
And before anyone gets grumpy, yes, I would have the exact same answer if it was a girl…my own head is shaved to a zero. I promise hair isn’t essential.

Lndnmummy · 02/09/2021 18:20

@Londonlivingg

For the comments suggesting that short haircuts look ridiculous on young children, it might be worth remembering that black people exist. The young children in my family very often had extremely short hair as that was the norm. It's very obvious that some of the people expounding supposed universal truths are only thinking of people exactly like them.

Re op, your kid got a haircut you don't like, that doesn't bother him. Not sure it's worth arguing with your DP over.

Absolutely this! And schools having very rigid hair policies are discriminatory towards black children.
Lndnmummy · 02/09/2021 18:21

And to the poster referring to children with shaved hair as thugs shame on you. With that attitude my children and their black friends would be considered thugs by you and people like you. Shame on you

Lndnmummy · 02/09/2021 18:22

@Dnaltocs

Think if Mum explained to school they’d forgive. My true irritation is parents being annoyed when schools stick to the rules. We send our loving children to school, know boundaries and be decent members of society. Then some parents become irritated when school step in to punish children for rule breaking the set rules. Comments from parents who are cross with the school, are doing their loving children no favours. If you don’t like the rules find another school for darling child.
But those rules are disadvantaging to children of colour.
Carpedimum · 02/09/2021 18:23

I’d be LIVID. There’s some really negative connotations with shaven heads, even on a 4 yr old. On the bright side, it will grow quickly!

Dancingonmoonlight · 02/09/2021 18:23

The young children in my family very often had extremely short hair as that was the norm

I genuinely don’t know the answer to this but why is it the norm? My DC’s (black) classmates didn’t have extremely short hair when they started school age 4/5?

LST · 02/09/2021 18:25

@ofwarren

Is he in reception? The headmaster at my sons school would send him home with a shaved head.
I'm calling bullshit on that. At a primary school? Name and shame if so.
Bertiebiscuit · 02/09/2021 18:27

YABU - IT WILL GROW

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 02/09/2021 18:33

I'd be pissed off too but it will grow quickly. My younger 2s school wouldn't have a problem with it, they don't have an extreme hair cut rule it's when they move up to secondary the ridiculous rules start

sweetgingercat · 02/09/2021 18:35

My son shaved a great lane through his hair on the first day after lockdown. He was about 10. I had to take him to get a practical skin head hair cut otherwise it would have been uneven. The school were really nice about it. I think 'extreme' haircuts are more a thing for secondary schools. Your DH is unreasonable though and should have checked.

LST · 02/09/2021 18:35

Typical judgement MN responses. Vile, thug, rough. You're talking about a fucking child with short hair. You really all need to get a grip

edwinbear · 02/09/2021 18:53

I accidentally did this when DS was about 2. DH usually takes him to the barber but I had on this occasion. Having no idea about barbers or what ‘number’ to ask for, (and forgetting to ask DH what he usually had), I asked for a 2 or 3 all over. It was ridiculously short, and I have a great photo of him eating fish and chips out of a bag on the beach, in his buggy, with virtually no hair. It was a genuine mistake and he looked a bit odd for a couple of weeks, but it grew back in a couple of weeks and I didn’t make the same mistake again.

DC’s primary school have a strict uniform code, but an e mail to his teacher explaining what had happened would have been fine. They would have completely understood and probably had a chuckle about it.

Morgysmum · 02/09/2021 19:02

So sorry, that must be horrible for you.
I had an ex, who let his brother give him a skin head shave, then said do you like it, I instantly replied no, you look awful.
I am sorry to say, that I don't like the skin head shave, it looks horrible and shouldn't be done on a child, it makes them look like, the thugs on telly who get locked up on drug and drink charges. I now that sounds stero typical, but that's how I see it.
A mum at school did her 2 boys hair like it, they had lovely hair, it was summer so maybe done for the coolness, but it was l think number 1, so you could see the skull she could have done a 2, so gone short but not that short.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 02/09/2021 19:10

Ltb

0palescent · 02/09/2021 19:31

I'd be really annoyed, a #1 is very short. DS used lockdown as his opportunity to have a #2 all over, and I found that really short compared to his usual #2 back and sides, longer on top cut.

Thankfully, as has already been said, it will grow quickly. I'm surprised at the replies here about primary schools being so strict with haircuts, I always presumed that was just high schools. I'm in Scotland, I don't think I've seen the same importance given to haircuts here.

Frazzled2207 · 02/09/2021 19:35

I’m in England and fairly sure our primary school would not bat an eyelid. Nor would most parents as a lot of boys have very short hair.

Whatthecluckinghell · 02/09/2021 20:42

Never understood why people say they would only shave all the hair off if their kid caught headlice.... that won't solve the problem but it will make them 100 x more noticeable. Sorry but shaving hair off due to headlice is ridiculous in my opinion. Both my boys have long hair, eldest has had nits twice and youngest has never had them.

However if my sons (either of them) were brought home with a shaved head I would go absolutely ballistic! I hate short hair on my boys, even the longest setting on a shaver is too short for my kids.

You have every right to be upset about it.