To be a bit annoyed DH has decided he’s going back to the office the day I go back to work

[Pinknoises]

Have been pleading with him for weeks to go back, and he announces this tonight.

Sigh.

I’m perfectly calm, thanks.

No one could do enough to help - that would be the 1000,000000 helpful suggestions to work in the bedroom, me saying over and over it wasn’t an option / made no difference, then full blown Angry Mumsnet for Ignoring Helpful Advice.

Since you still seem upset about it several weeks later I would suggest you are the one who needs to calm down!

Just doesn’t read the room very well I would say.

But then you need to say no not an orange I need an apple. If you can’t clearly communicate then that’s the problem.

It is done now so I don’t think there’s much to be gained in saying how I should have done things. It is possibly true I should have been more direct, but I don’t want a horrible atmosphere, he is a decent person, it is what it is.

Problem is Squirrels I say I need apples he says here have an orange.

But I think you think you’re saying ‘I NEED apples’.

‘If you went in the office maybe a day next week that would be GREAT because I could have Rebecca and Davina round? They’ve been wanting to visit.’

But what he’s hearing is ‘Gosh, apples are quite nice, if they’re available.’

And he says ‘Well, can’t give you an apple this week but hey - oranges aren’t so bad. Have an orange.’

‘They could visit, it’s not a problem.’
‘But we’ll be loud and disturb you.’
‘You won’t, it’s not a problem.’

And you need to say ‘Only apples will do. I NEED apples because I’ve grown to really hate oranges lately. It’s been oranges for months and I need apples.’

It’s either a communication issue or a him-being-a-giant-controlling-selfish-arse issue.

He's not going to change. Are you going to do something different to make life better for yourself, or just continue working around him and seething?

This has been going on for months and it's clear from all your previous threads that there are some HUGE communication issues going on here.

I can understand your frustration op, my DH is still working from home with the option to go into the office as and when he wants so we decided that during the summer holiday he would go in 2 days a week so the children could use the full house to play/ game without disturbing him.
If he decided that from next week he was going in full-time which would mean I'm now responsible for all the school pick ups and drop offs as well as trying to get to work on time I would be truly exasperated at him.

How have you got seething from the ‘bit annoyed’ in my thread title?

This is one of the weird things here. All sorts of things cause me minor annoyance or irritation. It doesn’t mean I need to ‘calm down’ or am ‘seething.’

He won’t change, and nor will my life, unless I leave, which I won’t.

Doesn’t mean I can’t find it a bit annoying!

I know @Sh05 it is frustrating. I never expected him to be in the office FT but a couple of days a week would have been good!

Minor annoyances don't start multiple threads on the same fundamental communication issue where your needs haven't been met the length of your maternity leave

They do here!

@Pinknoises

I’m perfectly calm, thanks.

No one could do enough to help - that would be the 1000,000000 helpful suggestions to work in the bedroom, me saying over and over it wasn’t an option / made no difference, then full blown Angry Mumsnet for Ignoring Helpful Advice.

Since you still seem upset about it several weeks later I would suggest you are the one who needs to calm down!

I've been there though. Studio apartment, 3 week old baby, lock down and DH working from home. It sucks. There were some good suggestions on that thread.

It is done now so I don’t think there’s much to be gained in saying how I should have done things. It is possibly true I should have been more direct, but I don’t want a horrible atmosphere, he is a decent person, it is what it is

If he's a decent person, there won't be a horrible atmosphere when you communicate directly.

That does suck. I’m glad you found some of the suggestions helpful.

Callmeastalker

Have these

You too, hoping they are genuine flowers and not the PA ones loved by teachers last year!

Genuine! But just for good measure, have this too

And you

I don’t understand why you didn’t just say to him “okay, it might not be a problem for you but I want the house to myself so my friends can come round and we can have some space, so please go to the office on X day. I want to spend time with them without you here”. Would he still have refused?

YANBU

I had kind of the opposite - DH is a primary teacher & told me he was needed in school all week for key workers, I teach secondary so was doing a full day of online lessons while trying to help DS (DH refused to allow him in school despite him being allowed in). DD was also home 2 days a week. I was incredibly stressed trying to juggle everything & it made me unwell. I then discovered he was only needed until 12. So he was doing what suited HIM best by opting to stay out of the house, rather than helping a little at home by maybe walking the dog or taking DS out for a breath of air at lunch.

In your position I would be really annoyed. Maternity is a special time which you won't get back.

Will you be FT? Or do you have a day or so off a week? Will be choose to stay home that day?

Full time, yeah. Will have holidays though … I swear if he decides to stay at home those days

I'm in the camp that his job is probably more important than you having a jolly with your mates. Maybe he wanted to enjoy the opportunity to wfh whilst he was able. Most blokes go 45 years without ever having more than a couple of weeks away from their work environment.