DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

[TheSoapyFrog]

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

A modcum of hassle? Standing in a car park with a child who is known to struggle in car parks, is a known bolter and normally has to be strapped in to safely navigate a car park.

I am really really struggling to follow the logic of people who think like this. I can only assume they have no experience of children with additional needs

"shall we do a favour to a theoretical wheelchair-using family who might turn up in the next hour, by using a normal space - if you don't mind waiting on the pavement with DS while I reverse in?"

This to me just illustrates how ridiculous the argument is. Why would you do a favour for a theoretical disabled person, who may or not exist, when you have a real life disabled person in the car with you right now?

" I can only assume they have no experience of children with additional needs"

They think they know all about it because they once had a toddler and think caring for a disabled child/adult is the same thing.

@karmakameleon ah yes that's another way to be eligible with a child under 3. So many different ways to meet criteria, I always have the criteria to hand when I'm doing the assessments.

it was possible for you as a family to manage without

Possible but not safe (or easy). How is it a responsible decision to get a child out of a car before parking properly, when there is a suitable safe parking space available? The OP (and her DP) should not put her own DC at risk.

@felulageller

Geez so much disability discrimination on this thread!

Blue badges are so hard to get.

If they parked in a regular space then the DS bashed your car door in the next space I think you'd all want him in the disabled space!

Yep they really are difficult! I cannot walk and use a wheelchair. I still couldn't get a blue badge until they had a full on report from my neuro rehab physio expressly stating I was unable to walk. Still took 16 weeks to get a badge meanwhile DH was having to unload me and the chair in the middle of the car park and then park in a normal space.

I think you are entitled to a disabled space and it would not have been unreasonable to use it. It isn't a most disabled competition, you are entitled to the space!

I'm not a fan of the expression 'virtue signalling', but it was coined for this thread. That and some sort of competitive altruism. Some people just talk total tripe.

"it was possible for you as a family to manage without"

Telling people with disabilities who have legally granted reasonable adjustments that they shouldn't have them is ablist.

[quote HOkieCOkie]@LST I’m not wrong my opinion just differs from yours. I don’t think autism entitles anyone to a blue badge personally but hey how.[/quote]
Well it’s a good job ignorant people like you don’t make the decisions isn’t it

@ThePersonFromPorlock

I'm not a fan of the expression 'virtue signalling', but it was coined for this thread. That and some sort of competitive altruism. Some people just talk total tripe.

I agree.

Like me and others have said they don't dish blue badges out like sweeties. If you have one then it's because you need to use that space for any number of reasons. Many not immediately obvious.

The OPs child is eligible to use that space and so that's where they should park!

[quote HOkieCOkie]@LST I’m not wrong my opinion just differs from yours. I don’t think autism entitles anyone to a blue badge personally but hey how.[/quote]
But your opinion is wrong! You have a BB you have every right to the space. Not make do and make a situation dangerous because of some berk thinking you should put a hypothetical wheelchair user first. Madness.

For those who don’t think some people with autism need blue badges let me explain a recent trip out with DS.

He had an appointment at a local GP surgery (not with a GP though it was a satellite clinic there) DS doesn’t like this particular HCP so was in meltdown mode before we got there. At 11 he is now too big for me to carry him out of the car and into the building.

We managed to park in the last disabled bay which was right at the bottom on the ramp in. It meant I could open his door fully to talk to him and calm him enough to get out of the car. It meant when he got out of the car he was straight onto the ramp into the building rather than being in the main car park and having to navigate through that to get in safely. It still took us 20 minutes to get in but because we had the disabled bay we actually made it. We would have had to turn around and go home otherwise.

There have been other times where we have been out and something minor has happened and triggered a meltdown/shut down - having the car parked close by means we can safely get him back and secured in the car

"I don’t think autism entitles anyone to a blue badge personally but hey how."

Having a diagnosis of autism doesn't entitle anyone to a blue badge. It is how it effects them. That's why there are assessors who look at evidence from professionals ( and why we don't let randoms who know nothing decide).

Feel free to take ds out somewhere and see how many minutes you last before you are begging for help.

[quote HOkieCOkie]@LST I’m not wrong my opinion just differs from yours. I don’t think autism entitles anyone to a blue badge personally but hey how.[/quote]
You are ignorant and disabilist.

@DancesWithTortoises

I am a wheelchair user and it would be kind if people who could park elsewhere left the extra large spaces for those of use who need the chair to access where we are going.

Or we have to go home.

I agree with you - but the OP has said there isn't enough room in a regular space for her DS to get out of the car, so their need is valid too.

OP I assume your DH didn't make the blue badge application? I helped an elderly relative with one recently and the amount of paperwork and evidence required really does suggest that they are only issued to I people who genuinely need them.

Ds not only has a blue badge, the severity of his autism means that he is entitled to a 'free' car.

As an experienced carer, presumably you also have awareness of not only the conditions that you arrive with your son, but also when you leave - even if he can calmly get out of the car while DP parks up, there is no guarantee that he will be equally calm when you try to leave. You have to factor in tiredness, potential meltdowns, how busy the car park/road might be when you get back to the car. Presumably DP doesn’t think like this because he hasn’t had to like you have for many years.

He should have listened and not over ruled your experience. I also wonder if it’s fear of judgement for not being visibly disabled enough rather than genuine altruism for hypothetical wheelchair users.

[quote HOkieCOkie]@LST I’m not wrong my opinion just differs from yours. I don’t think autism entitles anyone to a blue badge personally but hey how.[/quote]
You are right, in that having a diagnosis of autism, will not automatically entitle anyone to a blue badge, but autism is a huge spectrum, and how it impacts a person may well entitle them to a blue badge, my son has severe autism and learning disabilities, hes non verbal and has a blue badge, he has no awareness of danger and if there is a disabled parking space near to the shop we will use it or a parent and child space, whichever is closer and easier, i dont understand the idea of not parking in a place you are legally entitled to park in just in case someone more "disabled" needs it
Should someone who has lost a leg for example leave the space in case theoretically someone comes along who had lost two legs??

@KihoBebiluPute

It is perfectly reasonable for your DS to have a blie badge because clearly sometimes his additional needs will mean that he can only go somewhere if a wider and more conveniently located disabled bay is available.

However, on this specific occasion when there were two adults there so that it was possible for you and DS to be out of the car while DH reversed in, it was possible for you as a family to manage without so it is a reasonable opinion for your DH to have that it is better to use a normal space and leave the accessible space for someone who doesn't have the option to manage without.

However, where your DH was unreasonable was imposing that decision on you without consultation. He isn't "in charge", he is one half of a team. A reasonable person would have seen the possibility of using a non-accessible space with a modicum of additional hassle for you, and would have said "shall we do a favour to a theoretical wheelchair-using family who might turn up in the next hour, by using a normal space - if you don't mind waiting on the pavement with DS while I reverse in?" - and would have respected your response if you voted in favour of using the blue badge space at that point.

God save us from all the bloody do-gooders on here who basically want the OP to put her child at risk because there may, possibly, theoretically be a slight chance that someone, somewhere, in a wheelchair or otherwise ‘more deserving’ may possibly, theoretically need that space during the OP’s visit to the shop !! Well I AM that wheelchair user and I don’t want other BB holders feeling obligated to leave a space ‘just in case’ !! I happen to think - and have posted to the effect - that some (I stress, some, not all) wheelchair users, as in my own case, are in a position to use a BB space further away from the entrance to the shop, or whatever, because it can be easier to mobilise in a wheelchair than walk with pain or difficulty, and in the OP’s case it sounds as though there is a LOT of difficulty and risk.

The BB is the leveller here - why do people not get that. OP, you’re just as entitled to use a BB space as anyone else with a badge. If your DH doesn’t get that, you need to educate him, or drive yourself if that’s not too difficult for your to manage with your DS.

@Blueeilidh

I see both sides as I have a blue badge for my daughter but often don't use it. It's a judgement call each time based on number of spaces, how busy the place is, etc.

No it’s not. You have a BB - why would you inconvenience yourself and your daughter by not using it ?

You have a BB - why would you inconvenience yourself and your daughter by not using it ?

Well it might not always be an inconvenience. And even if it was, a mild inconvenience to me might prevent a massive inconvenience for someone else.

For example I drive to the supermarket and there is one BB space available. I can either take it or park another row away, in the end space so I have plenty of room to get in and out. It's another 10m or so from the supermarket entrance, so is a most a mild inconvenience for me. But if I choose the BB space, someone with different needs might be massively inconvenienced by me having taken the last space.

I notice that a lot of pp’s are using the word ‘manage’ - as in the OP{ could ‘manage’ without using the BB. The badge isn’t issued so you can ‘manage’ your disability. It’s there in recognition of the fact that you have difficulty - which the BB can help to ease. Not ‘manage’. It might interest people to know that this approach is used when assessing disability benefits. For example when assessing a person’s ability to wash and dress themselves, assessors are reminded that this doesn’t need to be of a high standard - just ‘adequate’. It’s the same here. An ordinary space would be ‘adequate’ - not ideal, just adequate.

I think a lot people (including some blue badge holders) think that they are a huge privilege and people are “lucky” to have them. I see it all the time when I park on the single yellows outside school, where parking spaces are rare and traffic wardens are plentiful. People often comment on the fact I’m taking a risk and when I tell them we have a blue badge, they tell me how lucky I am!

I guess if you think they are some sort of underserved privilege, it figures that you don’t think you should use them even if you have been awarded one.