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AIBU?

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DP doesn't think DS is disabled enough for a disabled parking space

351 replies

TheSoapyFrog · 31/08/2021 13:14

Yesterday we; me, DP, DS1 and DS2 (both 7) went to the park for the afternoon. DS 1 is autistic and has learning disabilities as well as hypermobility. He receives both components of DLA and has a blue badge.
I spotted two empty disabled parking spaces near the entrance and said we should park in one of them. DP drove over, but started backing into a regular parking space. I asked what he was doing and he said we should let someone who is properly disabled and in a wheelchair have the spaces.
He then stops the car and says that there isn't enough room for DS to get out in the regular space so we should get out now before he parks up.
I was really quite taken aback by his stupidity and told him this is exactly one of the reasons why DS has a blue badge; because there isn't enough room to get out in a regular space. He is disabled and they don't just give out blue badges to anyone who asks. I filled out forms and provided a lot of evidence. No, DS doesn't have a wheelchair but what the hell does he think the wagon that we pull DS1 around in is for?!

These weren't even the only disabled parking spaces in the car park, although I don't think DP was aware. But these were the ones nearest to the main entrance. The usual disabled parking bay has been blocked off due to new facilities being built.

Was I being unreasonable and should we have left the spaces for someone more disabled?

OP posts:
x2boys · 01/09/2021 11:52

@HarrietsChariot

You have a BB - why would you inconvenience yourself and your daughter by not using it ?

Well it might not always be an inconvenience. And even if it was, a mild inconvenience to me might prevent a massive inconvenience for someone else.

For example I drive to the supermarket and there is one BB space available. I can either take it or park another row away, in the end space so I have plenty of room to get in and out. It's another 10m or so from the supermarket entrance, so is a most a mild inconvenience for me. But if I choose the BB space, someone with different needs might be massively inconvenienced by me having taken the last space.

Its irrelevant, you may wish to martyr yourself, however if someone has been issued a blue badge there is a reason I personally dont have the time or the energy, to care about some hypothetical persons, hypothetical needs as im far concerned about getting my son safely to the shop etc, so will use the disabled parking space that as blue badge holder he has every right to use.
Rosscameasdoody · 01/09/2021 11:53

@karmakameleon

I think a lot people (including some blue badge holders) think that they are a huge privilege and people are “lucky” to have them. I see it all the time when I park on the single yellows outside school, where parking spaces are rare and traffic wardens are plentiful. People often comment on the fact I’m taking a risk and when I tell them we have a blue badge, they tell me how lucky I am!

I guess if you think they are some sort of underserved privilege, it figures that you don’t think you should use them even if you have been awarded one.

Next time you’d told you’re lucky, ask them how lucky they think you are to have the condition that qualifies you for the BB in the first place !! In my experience people say the stupidest things without thinking. I drive a motability vehicle and I’m often told how lucky I am to have a ‘free’ car. It’s not free, I hand over my mobility allowance for it every month. I AM lucky in the respect that we live in a society that pays benefits to disabled in recognition of the extra difficulty and expense they incur, and which utilises schemes like this. But when I ask these people whether they would rather have two good legs and their health, or a ‘free’ car, it’s a different story.
x2boys · 01/09/2021 11:56

We also have a "free"car@Rosscameasdoody, there was a thread on here a few weeks ago one poster felt mobility cars should be very basic old cars, as they are cheaper and more reliable than new cars go figure!

karmakameleon · 01/09/2021 11:57

I don’t have the time or headspace to educate people so I smile and get on my way. But I think it’s a very revealing mindset. Lots of people think DC is “lucky” to have a blue badge, even when they know the extent of his disabilities.

clarepetal · 01/09/2021 12:02

I think you should use it. My partner is disabled and sometimes can hardly walk. What's great about having a blue badge is that you can park on double yellow lines for three hours.
I wouldn't resent you using it at all. You are entitled to I as much as my partner. Flowers

GreenLeafs · 01/09/2021 12:10

@DancesWithTortoises

I am a wheelchair user and it would be kind if people who could park elsewhere left the extra large spaces for those of use who need the chair to access where we are going.

Or we have to go home.

I’m afraid that’s not how blue badges work! if OP’s DS has a blue badge then he has every right to park in disabled parking wether he has a wheelchair or not. If they could get by in a regular parking space he wouldn’t have been given the badge in the first place.
Rosscameasdoody · 01/09/2021 12:24

@x2boys

We also have a "free"car@Rosscameasdoody, there was a thread on here a few weeks ago one poster felt mobility cars should be very basic old cars, as they are cheaper and more reliable than new cars go figure!
I’ve come across this too. It’s the same mindset that thinks the old three wheel blue invalid carriages were perfectly acceptable for the disabled. Sod the fact that you had to travel alone in them, which made you even more marginalised than you already were just by being disabled.

These people fail to understand that disabled people aren’t simply issued with cars. The mobility allowance replaced the invalid carriages because we’ve moved on to be a more inclusive society, and it’s the mobility allowance which is really at the heart of their problem. It’s paid to those who have issues moving around, regardless of whether they are because of MH or physical problems, and it’s only those with the most severe issues who will qualify for the top rate of mobility allowance, and therefore the motability scheme. The motability scheme itself doesn’t cost taxpayers a penny - it’s a charity and they work with car manufacturers to source vehicles for the scheme. The vehicles are then leased to disabled drivers for a three year period, for which they hand over the mobility allowance. Insurance costs are included - also no cost to the tax payer as it’s a deal with Royal and Sun Alliance.

So, to sum up, apart from the mobility allowance, which is paid regardless of the need for a car, zero cost to the taxpayer. So what’s the problem ? Glad you asked. It’s the perception that the disabled are undeserving of this privilege - the ‘I work hard and I can’t afford a car, so why should you have one’ brigade. When in fact keeping disabled people mobile is good for the economy - it’s easier to travel to and from work so you’re more likely to be able to find and keep a job, thereby saving money in other benefits which cost the taxpayer far more than mobility allowance. Win win, you’d think. Well, no, because evidently some people think it makes more economic sense to keep the disabled marginalised and stigmatised by sticking out like a sore thumb in a three wheel death trap. Either that or, as you referred to in you in your post, a disabled person should only get an old clapped out car which may be completely unsuitable for the type of disability they have, may not be suitable for conversion for a wheelchair user or someone who needs hand controls, and will definitely not be reliable, making life more difficult for the disabled person when it breaks down.

If you think it doesn’t make sense for us to have something like the motability scheme, google the statistics on how many disabled people lost their motability cars due to inept and inaccurate medical assessments when PIP replaced DLA. Then have a look at the repercussions of that when they lost their jobs as a result of no longer being able to travel. It’s mind boggling and as I said before, it’s part of the ‘adequate and not to a high standard’ mindset.

Rosscameasdoody · 01/09/2021 12:28

Incidentally, apologies to the OP for the above post - didn’t mean to derail the thread.

karmakameleon · 01/09/2021 12:35

I don’t think it’s a massive derail, after all it’s all part of the same mindset. All these things are independently assessed and the amount of paperwork is to be submitted is substantial. If you’ve been awarded them, you need them.

Moulesvinrouge1 · 01/09/2021 12:37

[quote HOkieCOkie]@LST I’m not wrong my opinion just differs from yours. I don’t think autism entitles anyone to a blue badge personally but hey how.[/quote]
Not ‘hey how’. Ask the child with huge sensory processing challenges who CANNOT get out of a car safely in a car park, despite being ‘physically able’ and who presents an enormous risk to themselves in doing so if they should not have access to things that keep them safe. Attitudes like ‘I’m not wrong, I just think…’ with some absolutely ableist nonsense like this are why autistics have added challenges from society, alongside their own.

HOkieCOkie · 01/09/2021 12:41

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HOkieCOkie · 01/09/2021 12:42

I’m not ableist My bro is autistic he could apply for a blue badge but he doesn’t want or need one as he can walk perfectly fine. But again my opinion everyone is different.

Sirzy · 01/09/2021 12:44

[quote HOkieCOkie]@Moulesvinrouge1 Again my opinion, you don’t have agree. Imo someone in a wheelchair needs a space more then a child who has autism and probably can manage with his parents help.[/quote]
Problem is your posting your opinion from a place of very clear ignorance yet instead of listening to what posters are saying to try to explain the situation you are just letting your ignorance reign.

You really think a child (or adult. Autism doesn’t stop at 18) who has sensory needs so severe they are in danger in a car park should have to get out on the road while someone else parks. Do you really think that’s safe?

cricketmum84 · 01/09/2021 12:45

@HOkieCOkie

I’m not ableist My bro is autistic he could apply for a blue badge but he doesn’t want or need one as he can walk perfectly fine. But again my opinion everyone is different.
Just because your brother is autistic that doesn't make you an expert.

The spectrum is huge. Just because you know an autistic person who doesn't need a BB doesn't mean that no autistic people do.

You are incredibly narrow minded to suggest that and I suggest you educate yourself on the vast spectrum that is ASD before casting judgement.

Yea your brother may be able to apply for a BB. It doesn't mean he would be awarded one though as you say yourself he doesn't actually need one. But that doesn't mean that no autistic people could possible need one.

Moulesvinrouge1 · 01/09/2021 12:46

@HOkieCOkie

I’m not ableist My bro is autistic he could apply for a blue badge but he doesn’t want or need one as he can walk perfectly fine. But again my opinion everyone is different.
Well there you have it, a focus group of 1 means you can pronounce regarding every autistic person in existence and their rights and needs Biscuit
Sirzy · 01/09/2021 12:46

Your brother is one person with autism, he doesn’t need a blue badge that’s fantastic and lucky for him.

However when you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism. His ability to do something doesn’t reflect what someone else can do.

Ds is autistic and is able to use the toilet. That doesn’t mean I would say “well ds doesn’t need nappies so no autistic young person should” I just know in that sense we are lucky.

HOkieCOkie · 01/09/2021 12:47

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Miniroofbox · 01/09/2021 12:48

@HOkieCOkie

I’m not ableist My bro is autistic he could apply for a blue badge but he doesn’t want or need one as he can walk perfectly fine. But again my opinion everyone is different.
Your brother being autistic and not needing a BB is completely irrelevant to anyone else with autism.

Plus. There are more hidden disabilities than just autism.

Sirzy · 01/09/2021 12:49

No we just call out rubbish when we see it and won’t accept people posting discriminatory views without them being questioned.

x2boys · 01/09/2021 12:50

@HOkieCOkie

I’m not ableist My bro is autistic he could apply for a blue badge but he doesn’t want or need one as he can walk perfectly fine. But again my opinion everyone is different.
My child can walk perfectly fine he can run as fast as the wind straight under a car,! Again autism is a spectrum not everyone with autism will need a badge, but maybe actually read the posts from those of us whose children with autism who have a badge and try and understand the reasons why those badges may have been issued?
LST · 01/09/2021 12:51

@HOkieCOkie

Lol you guys get so offended chill out. You don’t agree fair play.
Yeah I get offended by ignorant people who aren't willing to even try and understand
HOkieCOkie · 01/09/2021 12:53

Ok then Smile

Sockwomble · 01/09/2021 12:53

"I’m not ableist My bro is autistic he could apply for a blue badge but he doesn’t want or need one as he can walk perfectly fine. But again my opinion everyone is different."

If your brother didn’t need one he wouldn't be given one. As you have already been told several times, autism is not an automatic eligible condition. It is about how that condition effects the individual. If your brother for example needed 2:1 support to be safe in public places then I suspect you would have more understanding.

LST · 01/09/2021 12:54

@HOkieCOkie

Ok then Smile
It really isn't. That's the problem
ArrrMeHearties · 01/09/2021 12:55

If you have a blue badge you are entitled to use the disabled spaces. If you were using them without a badge that's different but you aren't so your fine

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