'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

"I think its pretty clear by the 'mums drinks out' it was aimed at the mothers."

Yes, but it was rude to post this in the class WhatsApp group.

He could have just said "can I come too" in a sarky way to point out your rudeness.

You really need to set up a separate WhatsApp group for the regular mins who would want the girls night out. Who have now become your friends. Text the other mums who you want to invite individually and separately for the first event and ask if they want to be added to the "girls night" WhatsApp group.

Does the one asking "is it Dad's only?" mean all the Dad's, as in partners; or the Dad's that do the school run that are part of the group?
If it's the latter, it's very rude to exclude them.

Well I'm not going to blank the guy am I?

If you are the kind of person who decides at the start that he isn’t worthy of your time simply because he happens to have a penis, then he’d be happy enough if you blanked him.

@IWasBornInAThunderstorm

What behaviour? Making sure the other women don't feel left out leaving out 2 parents on the basis of their gender. In a group chat so they know about it too.

I really didn't think men would find a mums night out so offensive tbh

Honeydukesmum yes sorry you’re right what I meant was if the chat group is predominantly women and it’s them going out he’d probably not want to go - if it was a mixed group he might but the dads here do have a separate group. I guess we don’t have anyone to babysit ever so it would only ever be one of us going to an evening event so we are perpetuating the sexism of having separate nights out in that way. I do agree it’s nice to be included but my dh wouldn’t even get as far as being on a whole class WhatsApp group. The ones I’m on can be extremely consuming so he’d have left within a week.

My husband couldn't think of anything worse. I'm surprised there are men out there who actually want to be on a class WhatsApp group nevermind go out with a bunch of school mums, it's a bit weird really.

If these blokes want some company why don't they set up a dad's group, a school mum was telling me her other kids class the dads have one but it's literally just for pub outings, they aren't sat on there discussing uniform and school dinners like an actual class whatsapp, no that's left to the mums!

It's rude to post details of a night out on a big group of people and then say "sorry, only xyz can come".

Just set up a seperate whatsapp group including the people you want to invite.

If you aren’t inviting everyone in the group then you don’t announce the outing in the group!! You set up another group chat with just the people you want to invite

Totally agree and this is totally separate from a mum's night out / dad's night out dynamic. It is just plain rude.

My husband has done nearly all school runs and club drop offs for the last 12 years. He also worked in social work for years and then with teams of nurses. He is very used to sitting in a pub surrounded by women - but they are people he knows and likes. He is not seeking out random groups of women to join!

He would not be remotely upset if a group of mum friends choose to go out together having arranged it between themselves. He would be upset to have an invitation waved in front of him and then be explicitly told he could not go solely because he was a man.

This seems quite outdated to me. What are you going to do on your night out? Hire a male stripper? My daughters class rep was a dad for a couple of years. It seems weird to exclude dads.

I'm a big fan of female only social events so I understand why you would want to organise that. However, it's rude to use the parents WhatsApp group to do this.

I understand you wanting a ladies night as you're particularly friendly with a few mum's but it is a bit rude to announce it in a wider group chat when some aren't invited. Separate what's app chat to arrange mum's night and call it ladies night and invite mum's only.

Are they like the bloke out of motherland 🤣? That's all I could think.

@TooManyDinosaurs1

My husband couldn't think of anything worse. I'm surprised there are men out there who actually want to be on a class WhatsApp group nevermind go out with a bunch of school mums, it's a bit weird really.

If these blokes want some company why don't they set up a dad's group, a school mum was telling me her other kids class the dads have one but it's literally just for pub outings, they aren't sat on there discussing uniform and school dinners like an actual class whatsapp, no that's left to the mums!

Wow, weird?!

Why is it weird that a parent (possibly the primary parent in terms of school) would want to spend time with other parents? Why does gender make a difference?

@TooManyDinosaurs1 me too 😂

No what's app when my kid was at school so one mum asked the teacher to drop a note she'd made in all kids bags with her number in and took it from there.

I used to hate the mums nights out, didn't get enough time to see my actual friends as it was, so went occasionally out of obligation.

When my son started 6th form, the admin was the same mum from infant school. She said she'd invite me to the 6th form mum get togethers (saved by by lockdown).

6th form mum get togethers?? Absolutely nuts

I really didn't think men would find a mums night out so offensive tbh

Are you deliberately missing the point? Its just poor manners and rude to exclude people over a group thats meant for everyone

All the cries of 'exclusion' and 'sexism' are quite frankly ridiculous in this particular situation
Of course it is, it affect men so who cares!

Imagine MN mum starting a new job. It's in a male led industry. There are 45 men in the team and 5 women. They have set up a whatsapp to discuss work related matter. Then a man start to use the group to arrange getting together. The theme tends to be male led, playing darts in the local pub, but suggestion of doing something more lavish is met with sniggers.

Then the guy sends a message saying 'what about a lads' night out'. Someone says 'are the girls not invited', and he wants to reply 'no to really because the dynamic is not the same when the girls are there'.

There would be screams of sexism and discrimination, telling the girls that they should take it up higher, that the guys should be fired etc... but heho, when it's women in the school yard, that behaviour is perfectly allowed because men are only tolerated.

Disgraceful.

@TooManyDinosaurs1 I though this

thought

Agree with PP that if you want a specific mums only night out/group, make a seperate whatsap group

Yanbu to have a mums’ night out but the dynamic what with there only being two blokes in the group could make it awkward so probably better to ask the other mums in person
I work on a male-majority team. One other female. If the males on our WhatsApp group set up a male-only night out I wouldn’t personally be offended but I think it can offend some

@MorrisZapp

DP goes to the pub with the football dads a few times a year. Why in the name of all that's holy would I want to join them.

Tbh I'd probably much prefer this to a night out drinking Prosecco with the mums- especially if they were the type who wanted to exclude a couple of blokes joining the group for a drink!

I definitely think there are times when men should be excluded. Men should not be at breastfeeding groups. I never went to NCT classes or similar but this thread got me thinking about whether they should be there. I think it would have made me incredibly uncomfortable to attend something like an NCT group with men there too.

But drinks in the pub for a parents group? Seems a bit odd to me, I wouldn't want to socialise with a high number of those parents, mums or dads most likely anyway.

YABU.

It's very rude to announce an event and only invite certain members of the group. If you want a mum's night only, you should make a separate Whatsapp group.

I think its rude. If you want a girls night out just ask the girls that you're friends with. You cant put something on the group chat and invite all but a handful of people just based on their sex. Especially if you're saying you invite all the mums so you don't leave anyone out. Imagine it was the other way round. Why does having a few men on a night out change the dynamic?

In my school friendship group this would not be offensive at all. I think they'd eye roll at the sexist comments here and say the dad could arrange something. It might be different if there was a sahd doing daily playground pick ups and chat. It would be much more sensitive to set up a separate WhatsApp group that some are excluded from. But for all the fuss of inclusion, I'd stop the larger group organising and just do things with friends.