Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Are dads invited too?'

999 replies

SyIviescup · 31/08/2021 12:07

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

Confused
OP posts:
Sirzy · 31/08/2021 12:57

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Sirzy that was in response to the idea that it’s somehow the OP’s responsibility to make sure all dads are included, that she’s not setting sexism back, that dads are valued members of the school community.

Why is it her responsibility? Why aren’t the men of the group casting the net a bit wider?[/quote]
But they are part of things. The op is wanting to exculde people but still using the same group.

gogohm · 31/08/2021 12:58

Depends, if it's a single dad then it's discriminatory to a certain extent. If it's a couple who are going together it does change the dynamic

Beautiful3 · 31/08/2021 12:58

I agree with the previous poster, just say a cheery, "this one's just for ladies. Feel free to organise something for both mums and dads, for the next outing."

PuppyMonkey · 31/08/2021 12:58

I think I’d reply: “everyone welcome, just as long as there’s no moaning about it not being male friendly enough like last time.”Grin

And then just organise a meal out another time with your mates.

MoiraNotRuby · 31/08/2021 12:58

"I was thinking this time would be a mums night, I heard the dads wanted to arrange their own thing - plus means I don't need a baby sitter"

Sally872 · 31/08/2021 12:58

I would never put any invite on a group chat that wasn't for every person in the group chat. It's rude.

I would speak to mums I was closer to and have a lunch/coffee/drinks without putting it on the group chat from time to time.

phishy · 31/08/2021 12:59

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

I think it’s best summed up by a PP:

‘Unclench’

Is this really that important?

I wouldn't want to be attending a mum's night out where the only man attending takes centre stage like a peacock. So yes, it will be important to some.
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/08/2021 12:59

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I can't believe that any bloke would want to sit with a load of women on a girls' night out!

What a couple of wankers!

Well, there is that, I suppose.

By the third or fourth drink some of the ladies' nights at our local sound like Salacious Crumb on acid.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 31/08/2021 12:59

@PuppyMonkey

I think I’d reply: “everyone welcome, just as long as there’s no moaning about it not being male friendly enough like last time.”Grin

And then just organise a meal out another time with your mates.

This is a good reply
autummvibes · 31/08/2021 12:59

You say there's only two men that would go. I think excluding them makes it even worse. That's not just about sex that's personal. That's no different to a person posting "fancy a night out, everyone except SyIviescup is invited."

I purposely haven't got WhatsApp as I refuse to be part of the school group. Things like this really piss me off.

Pumperthepumper · 31/08/2021 13:00

@Sirzy But they are part of things. The op is wanting to exculde people but still using the same group.

I said that upthread. My point is, it’s not up the OP to promote fatherhood or male inclusivity in school life. The fathers of the group are able to do that themselves.

Tessie87 · 31/08/2021 13:00

Are they anything like Kevin off Motherland? Grin

nancyclancy123 · 31/08/2021 13:01

@SchadenfreudePersonified
I can't believe that any bloke would want to sit with a load of women on a girls' night out!

What a couple of wankers!

This ⬆️ Grin

MeredithGreyishblue · 31/08/2021 13:01

And we wonder why there's still inequality.

Christ

JudgeJ · 31/08/2021 13:02

@Rainbowqueeen

I’d just say “this ones a girls night, maybe you’d like to organise a catch up for all parents around half term?”
Better still a 'boys night' that would include those who find the exclusive company of 'girls' appalling and boring! Can't imagine anything worse than a 'girls' night'!
Balonzette · 31/08/2021 13:03

As someone who always had mixed friendship groups and never did the whole "ladies night' thing, I too find the concept odd. I understand why you're annoyed about the man suggesting you arrange more man-friendly activities, but I don't see why the dad's can't join in with dinner and drinks. I probably wouldn't go if I'm honest. It would feel a bit shitty excluding people based on the fact that they have a penis. Some men prefer spending time with my women and vice versa, so it's a bit unfair and old fashion imho.

MorrisZapp · 31/08/2021 13:03

Why do women want to force others to socialise with their husbands? If I'm leaving mine at home I don't want to chat to yours. I left the anti natal group meet up chat over this. The men were all nice enough but the dynamic was so bloody awkward when they were there.

missmoz · 31/08/2021 13:03

It's just really not that hard to set up another chat for the women you want to invite...

BoredZelda · 31/08/2021 13:04

Its rude to organise a ladies night out?

I think it is when you are only inviting part of a group.

I can’t see a problem with inviting everyone. What is all this “dynamic” bollocks? Since when was it impossible for men and women to socialise? What goes on at a school mum night out that school dads can’t join in with?

Equalpayquery · 31/08/2021 13:04

Tbh I would create a different chat for ‘mums night out’ because there are a few on the class WhatsApp that might not make my list (but would be nonetheless welcome if others invited them)

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 31/08/2021 13:04

@Mum060708

You can't say in a group that you're organising a night out but some members of the group are not included. You just can't do that.
Agreed. It's a really nasty thing to do.
LimitIsUp · 31/08/2021 13:04

@Thingsthatgo

YABU. I’d be annoyed if the dads organised a go karting day or a evening in the pub and said ‘men only’.
Yep.
Calmdown14 · 31/08/2021 13:05

Ughh. It's often less about sex and more about people coming as couples. Given everyone has children it's usually only one parent but you always get some who come together and it changes the dynamic and makes it awkward for those coming alone.
It is probably easier to say 'everyone welcome but be warned it might be women heavy as dads are on child care duty for a few of us' so you are not excluding but clear about the general set up

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 31/08/2021 13:05

I think the topics of conversation completely change if you have partners there. Not that my DH would ever do anything remotely involved with the school. He sees going to the Christmas concert as enough. Hmm

BoredZelda · 31/08/2021 13:05

I'm leaving mine at home I don't want to chat to yours.

So don’t chat with mine. I don’t believe there is a law that says you are forced to.

Swipe left for the next trending thread