'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

Who's doing that?

I'm surprised you've never heard feminists moaning how it's unfair that the woman is always the one to give up her job and financial independence. It's probably the no.1 complaint I read on here.

@Doomscrolling

Jesus, this thread is deranged.

@SyIviescup, you did nowt wrong. Saying in the group "There's a Mums' night out a week on Friday for anyone who fancies it" is not some crazed ostracising action. Replying "no, this is just for the lasses this time but I'd be up for a broader meet if you've got some dates" is also fine. FFS. Women are allowed to socialise without blokes.

Someone could equally say "We're doing a group dog walk at the park on Sunday for anyone interested". That's not excluding non-dog owners in an act of cruelty, it's telling the group there's a a social event some members might be interested in.

A voice of sanity. Thank goodness!

I find it pretty rude that you are excluding two meme bets of the group on the basis they are men. Also twee referring to yourselves as 'girls' or it has to be a 'mums night', but that's more me probably. I'm not ten and don't need a night out to be titled. If you had only wanted to invite someone the group, a seperate invite should have been made. So often single parents are excluded when they are men juts because of their sex. It's crass to invite on a group board and say basically except you 2

@LegendaryReady

Well surely it’s the natural consequence of men being absent from school life? I don’t see why that’s the women’s responsibility to fix.

Even when the men are asking not to be absent?

Erm, not absent from a night out. I don’t believe we’re talking about any actual hard work here.

The easiest thing to do is to get one of the dads, who is good at networking / you know very well to start a separate group for the dads. That’s what happened when dd was young anyway.

By word of mouth rather than on the chat group, we were told to WhatsApp our partners numbers to one of the mums. At first mums organised their nights out on the main chat group then formed their own chat group as there were a couple of dads on it and the dads organised their own nights out on their chat group.

Nothing wrong with having female or male only nights out. People often socialise as couples and I would have thought single sex to be more inclusive to single people whether they’re heterosexual or not. Why should they want to pay to socialise with couples, who will just be a reminder that they’re single and most aren’t? Partners being included completely change the dynamic.

There seems to be totally different attitudes in different places on this one. We live in a very cosmopolitan area where parents are just parents, there isn’t a Dads group and there isn’t a Mums group, the idea that we need different sorts of nights out or that single sex nights out is in any way appealing is baffling. We don’t seem to have leery dads or dads that dominate the conversation. If there is any dominating the conversation that’s usually the mum that’s most like Amanda.

Agree with most others: rude. Make clear your intentions of getting pissed and dancing round handbags and maybe they won't come? If you've suggested they organise something and they haven't then that's on them.

I hope one of them is like Kevin from Motherland. I love him.

@Thingsthatgo

YABU. I’d be annoyed if the dads organised a go karting day or a evening in the pub and said ‘men only’.

Really? Why on earth would that bother you?

We have dads night, mums nights and everybody nights round this way. Doesn't cause any issue. But would organise it on different WA threads! 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you want to go out with a particular group of your friends, then do that separately from the class group. I think the dads thing is a bit of a red herring here. You also write you 'have to' invite all the mums so they don't feel left out. It sounds as if you'd rather it be just your little group, but you still want to be able to use the whole class WA for that purpose. That's the crux here IMO, and the rude thing. Set up your own group with friends and let anyone who feels like it organise social events for (all the) parents.

@SukonthaM

You need to make a separate group titled something like ‘girls night out’. You can’t have a group for parents and then deliberately exclude some of them.

This.

If you want a night out with just certain people then just organise it yourself, surely. I don't understand this.

@SD1978

I find it pretty rude that you are excluding two meme bets of the group on the basis they are men. Also twee referring to yourselves as 'girls' or it has to be a 'mums night', but that's more me probably. I'm not ten and don't need a night out to be titled. If you had only wanted to invite someone the group, a seperate invite should have been made. So often single parents are excluded when they are men juts because of their sex. It's crass to invite on a group board and say basically except you 2

Agree with this really.

How can you be annoyed that someone in a parents' group has sent a message round inviting parents for a social?

You're completely putting your own personal opinions of what a night out should be onto other people, who might have completely different views.

I can imagine if I were in this situation I'd want to socialise with everyone, not just a cliquey group of women.

People want different things socially and if you want a cliquey break off group then you should just arrange it yourself.

* If you want to go out with a particular group of your friends, then do that separately from the class group. I think the dads thing is a bit of a red herring here. You also write you 'have to' invite all the mums so they don't feel left out. It sounds as if you'd rather it be just your little group, but you still want to be able to use the whole class WA for that purpose. That's the crux here IMO, and the rude thing.*

^Great post

YANBU in my opinion.

What annoys me if that women do all the emotional labour in situations like this, and men have come to expect it.

As you say, they are welcome to organise a Dads event. Or organise an all-parents event as you have done many times before, only for them to moan about it.

It's wet of these women to try and impose their husbands on a women's event.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun

If you are posting socials in a parents' WhatsApp group then it should include everyone in the group.

If you want a social that doesn't include everyone then you need to invite people individually and not use the general parents' group for it.

YABU.

Just reply 'Everyone welcome!'

@ChaneySays

Who's doing that?

I'm surprised you've never heard feminists moaning how it's unfair that the woman is always the one to give up her job and financial independence. It's probably the no.1 complaint I read on here.

And you think that’s because men are incapable of starting their own groups on WhatsApp?

And you think that’s because men are incapable of starting their own groups on WhatsApp?

It's a parents group, not a woman's group. The fact you think they should be excluded because of their gender illustrates the problem! Thankfully, most posters seem to agree that the OP is BU.

Do you understand how percentages work?

Yes

I'm surprised you've never heard feminists moaning how it's unfair that the woman is always the one to give up her job and financial independence. It's probably the no.1 complaint I read on here

Its a social night which happens to have been suggested and organised by a woman, not the G7 gathering.

@WFHWF

This is so exclusionary. No wonder the men don’t contribute anything to the group chat, they don’t feel welcome.

From the OP's very first post:

The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition

ie:

• they have previously been invited
• they complained it wasn't their preferred activity and not male centred
• they failed to organise anything else

If your argument was simply that a subgroup organising social events separately is generally best done separately then most times I'd agree although it depends a lot on the nature of the group (which we can't judge as we are not the OP).

This arrant nonsense that women can't organise a night out unless they also organise something for perfectly capable men is just an example of male power in action. It certainly isn't a concern you see expressed on male dominated groups.

I'd just make a separate group for the ones who enjoy a ladie's night 🤷🏼‍♀️