'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

Yabu - you can’t put an invite on a whatsapp group & then exclude people from being invited…
If they’re already your actual mum friends then surely a private message to arrange things rather than in a group whatsapp would be more appropriate? If you’re looking to branch out & invite other mums then everyone within the group should be invited. Tbh I doubt the dad’s would want to go, but to exclude them seems a bit off to me.

@MrsRobbieHart

If you aren’t inviting everyone in the group then you don’t announce the outing in the group!! You set up another group chat with just the people you want to invite

Agree with this. If it's announced on the group, it's for the group.

I think it's really rude for the men (or anyone else) to moan about what you chose to do.

So I would either say - "I meant this to be for the mum's only. I'll set up a separate group for that" or you could concede this once and say something like:

"The invitation is for x (dinner and drinks or whatever) and is open to everyone on this group. If people want to do something else, then feel free to organise yourself. "

We have one class WhatsApp group that is mixed with at least one parent of each child, but mostly mums, and there is another group which is all the Dads. The men organise a Dads night out sometimes on their group, and once in a blue moon there is a Mums night out. Everyone seems happy to keep these occasional evenings as single sex, but there are also official school fundraising events and local pub quiz type things which are mixed.
To me this seems more inclusive and less cliquey than setting up larger private sub-groups and inviting almost everyone but inevitably leaving some out.

YABU.

If you're creating a clique so that you can decide who's popular enough for your get together, don't do it in a class group chat,.

I’m thinking it’s not because of a few WhatsApp groups in 2021 organising a few mum’s night outs. I feel like… there’s some other reason 🤔

I'm sure the reasons are many and complex but mums deciding class social things are just for women won't help change the thinking that school stuff belongs to women.

I think they are saying "can dads come too" as a dig about the fact you are specifying it's mums only. I don't know why you don't just organise something separately with the mums you like/want to go out with?

OP l can’t believe all this fuss over a girls night out ! It’s almost as if some posters think women shouldn’t be able to do anything without a man being present. How bizarre.
In light of unfolding events in Afghanistan some of the reactions are almost Talibanesque in their misogyny.
Get yourselves out there, drink wine and let the Dads/ partners look after the kids.

@LegendaryReady

I’m thinking it’s not because of a few WhatsApp groups in 2021 organising a few mum’s night outs. I feel like… there’s some other reason 🤔

I'm sure the reasons are many and complex but mums deciding class social things are just for women won't help change the thinking that school stuff belongs to women.

Ha. Right, ok.

@peppapigfangirl

I think they are saying "can dads come too" as a dig about the fact you are specifying it's mums only. I don't know why you don't just organise something separately with the mums you like/want to go out with?

I think so too.

That or if they are straight they fancy one of the dads.

@SyIviescup

Some of the responses on this thread are just bonkers.

Its been likened to racism and I'm now a queen bee forcing 40+ year old adults to do as I say. It was just a bloody girls night out for the school mums.

Anyway its all sorted now and its still a school mums night out. No kids, kittens or puppies were harmed in the process - and the mum who asked the original question is coming and seems fine.

Next time just ask the mums. Don't exclude people in the group. It's like teenage bullying behaviour when everyone got a party invite apart from a couple of kids in the group.

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch

There's a lot of misogyny in this thread. If you're really someone who thinks that a night out without men sounds like a nightmare, you might want to have a little look at your attitudes towards women.

Especially if you are one.

Agree

I don't see a problem with this. People are allowed to do 'single sex/gender' activities!

DH and I belonged to a 'sports' club with a group of other couples. The sport itself was primarily the men doing it, but the club meetings were definitely 'coed' and very social. During meetings the 'WAGS' (as it were) would often organize a 'women's wine night' or similar right in front of the men (gasp!). None of them ever expected to join in, nor did any of them complain about feeling 'excluded'. Nor did we ever expect to join or feel excluded if they did a 'boy's beer night'.

'Coed' groups do things together, they do things separately. It ebbs and flows. No big deal.

@seaandsandcastles

YABU. If everyone in the WhatsApp group isn’t invited, you don’t post it to the WhatsApp group.

You are being rude by excluding certain people.

Agree with this.

To do an invite to only a select few but to post it in the group app is just rude and really unwelcoming

@LegendaryReady

I’m thinking it’s not because of a few WhatsApp groups in 2021 organising a few mum’s night outs. I feel like… there’s some other reason 🤔

I'm sure the reasons are many and complex but mums deciding class social things are just for women won't help change the thinking that school stuff belongs to women.

Well surely it’s the natural consequence of men being absent from school life? I don’t see why that’s the women’s responsibility to fix.

How did it get sorted @sylviescup ?

Well surely it’s the natural consequence of men being absent from school life? I don’t see why that’s the women’s responsibility to fix.

Even when the men are asking not to be absent?

@LegendaryReady

Well surely it’s the natural consequence of men being absent from school life? I don’t see why that’s the women’s responsibility to fix.

Even when the men are asking not to be absent?

Well, yes - why are they asking? Why not organise their own? Why not use an opportunity to create a group specifically designed to get fathers involved in school life?

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo

Surely you'd rather Kevin than Amanda anytime, OP?

If you want a night out with a select group, do it away from the main WhatsApp.

You're setting equality back by 20 years here, OP.

That's the image I very much have in my head!

Sorted I think, @frogswimming
And on goes the debate

Could you have 2 events?

Could you have 2 events?

Great idea! OP can arrange a boys night for the boys because the poor lambs can’t manage to arrange anything fun to do themselves!

Bless

@frogswimming

How did it get sorted *@sylviescup* ?

With out drama

The one who asked is actually coming without her Dh and didn't seem pissed off. ( and tbf I'm looking forward to actually meeting her with out her shadow there)

I don't know if the other mum who normally brings her dh has read the message as I didn't actually post the invite.

@Rhinothunder

Could you have 2 events?

Why is it my responsibility to organise two events? I'm not the events manager.

@vivainsomnia

All the cries of 'exclusion' and 'sexism' are quite frankly ridiculous in this particular situation Of course it is, it affect men so who cares!

Imagine MN mum starting a new job. It's in a male led industry. There are 45 men in the team and 5 women. They have set up a whatsapp to discuss work related matter. Then a man start to use the group to arrange getting together. The theme tends to be male led, playing darts in the local pub, but suggestion of doing something more lavish is met with sniggers.

Then the guy sends a message saying 'what about a lads' night out'. Someone says 'are the girls not invited', and he wants to reply 'no to really because the dynamic is not the same when the girls are there'.

There would be screams of sexism and discrimination, telling the girls that they should take it up higher, that the guys should be fired etc... but heho, when it's women in the school yard, that behaviour is perfectly allowed because men are only tolerated.

Disgraceful.

But it's not that.

It's a couple of the blokes bringing the "missus" along.

With my youngest now at secondary school I seem to have thankfully bypassed the WhatsApp class group. It's my idea of hell.

I've never got the need to socialise with people I barely know and the only thing I know I have in common is we have a child in the same class.