'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

So women can never arrange to meet up without men? yes that is right, you are required to make every meeting ever 50/50 from now on.

Older generation; what a generalisation/assumption @Excelthetube?? Now that's rude 😆

Why do people need a class rep to organise their social life?

This annoys me too, if they were invited in the first place surely that would be made plain, and it puts people on the spot

@lannistunut yes 50/50 if possible please
If not, well I don't know what to suggest

He's challenging the stereotype by becoming the class rep

Yeah, I'm not sure that the only man in the group taking over to be in charge is quite the radical change you might think!

OP: Is the issue that the women want a night out together? If so that is fine but have a separate "girls night" group.

If the issue is that you want to keep it to list members only (ie the parents dealing with school hassles) rather than add a load of partners who don't generally get involved then make it group members only but that will include the men in the group.

@Pumperthepumper

And i will repeat you have no idea how much he did.
Just because you cant comprehend this doesnt mean your viewpoint is the only valid one.
If someone was posting to say the whote mums only invite the white mums would you be insisting the black mum wasny doig enough? Or would you understand that it is the people excluding a minority person in any group that is at fault?

As already said several times this is not current to our lives right now but mentioned as it links with the thread.

Hope no-one on this thread has a penis, after all this is not 'by parents for parents' its just MUMsnet.

The man haters are out in force for this one.

[quote Covidworries]@Pumperthepumper

And i will repeat you have no idea how much he did.
Just because you cant comprehend this doesnt mean your viewpoint is the only valid one.
If someone was posting to say the whote mums only invite the white mums would you be insisting the black mum wasny doig enough? Or would you understand that it is the people excluding a minority person in any group that is at fault?

As already said several times this is not current to our lives right now but mentioned as it links with the thread.[/quote]
Oh no.
Males are the oppressors in our society. This is a disgusting false equivalency.

Some of the responses on this thread are just bonkers.

Its been likened to racism and I'm now a queen bee forcing 40+ year old adults to do as I say. It was just a bloody girls night out for the school mums.

Anyway its all sorted now and its still a school mums night out. No kids, kittens or puppies were harmed in the process - and the mum who asked the original question is coming and seems fine.

If someone was posting to say the whote mums only invite the white mums would you be insisting the black mum wasny doig enough? Or would you understand that it is the people excluding a minority person in any group that is at fault?

Failing to organise a man's social life for him is not even comparable to racism.

Men are not an oppressed minority.

@C8H10N4O2 what happens to parents who aren't on WhatsApp, do they never get invited to anything?

We had an informal group chat set up when DS was in Y6. There were no official parent groups on SM in that school and no class reps (and we managed to be a sociable group of parents!). But a Y6 group evolved, started with a number of parents involved with helping school organise hoodies, gifts, leavers' party and then other parents joined to talk all things Y6. The only social event talked about was the leavers' party. Sometimes a number of parents had issues with homework set, some of which was online (pre COVID). One parent would volunteer to contact the teacher so they weren't inundated with the same questions. Other things on the group chat would include confirmation where to go on transition days (some parents had been through the system with older DC so it was nice to have their input for us first time Y6 parents).

Some parents weren't on social media, so weren't on this group chat, so a number of us would be in contact with these parents to ensure they weren't missing out on any information.

This is really what a class group should be about, not organising parents' social lives.

Its not about a males social life. Its about any group deliberately excluding someone in that group based purely on a difference from the majority of the group.

This is really what a class group should be about, not organising parents' social lives

A group can be about anything the group want it to be.

However as I said upthread, if you want to organise socials for a subset of members then its best taken to a separate list.

When my kids were at school there were no official parents groups organised by schools. parents organised themselves (in those days by mail lists and text message groups, the generation before by old fashioned talking phone). I'm not entirely sure what your point is.

I never want to go on these piss up nights out with other mums. I have to mute the whatsapp group most of the time because that's what it's made up of - my male partner joined early on, thinking it was about logistics and things, then left quickly afterwards.

Once a night out has been planned, there are gazillions of messages about it. From the first one in reception onwards, there was no reason for my lot to keep that chat on the main whatsapp - no one new would go as it's such a close group of mums who properly do the school run at normal time.

The rest of us who work outside school hours and do pickup from after school club when we're done, are a bit stuffed for meeting people really.

@vivainsomnia

you don't expect others to change the activity because it's 'not really your thing', which is really the point of what the OP is saying Who said anything about changing. He suggested something else. What's wrong with suggesting a different activity out? Or is it that everyone just has to do what OP wants to do?

It sounds all like 10yo in the background and the bee queen not happy that someone else could shine on their light and is therefore trying everything to exclude them. I guess some people never grow out of the mentality.

You’ve conveniently ignored the posts responding to you and explaining to you why he wasn’t ‘suggesting’ another activity but actually expecting OP to organise it.

[quote Covidworries]@Pumperthepumper

And i will repeat you have no idea how much he did.
Just because you cant comprehend this doesnt mean your viewpoint is the only valid one.
If someone was posting to say the whote mums only invite the white mums would you be insisting the black mum wasny doig enough? Or would you understand that it is the people excluding a minority person in any group that is at fault?

As already said several times this is not current to our lives right now but mentioned as it links with the thread.[/quote]
Again; I’m only going off your posts. You’ve not painted a very good picture of him.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

Either set up a separate WA or invite all parents. I think its pretty rude tbh to only invite some of the group. How many times has there been threads on here with people really upset over this type of behaviour.

Agree with this. If there are a few of you that are more friendly just set up another group outside of the class one.

You do live your life in stereotypes OP.

@SyIviescup are there mums not on the WhatsApp group, do they get invited too? Do the men on the group have other halves, are they allowed to come too. If there is an all female couple and only one on the WhatsApp group, are they allowed to bring their partner?

Perhaps your one of those older generation that thinks it’s ok to exclude people because of sex
Bloody hell - how old are these posters? Germaine Greer is 82 so the generation before hers at the very least.

@LittleBearPad

You do live your life in stereotypes OP.

No but is is ok to socialise with just women or men alone sometimes. We are not one big homogenous group of cyborgs.

There's a lot of misogyny in this thread. If you're really someone who thinks that a night out without men sounds like a nightmare, you might want to have a little look at your attitudes towards women.

Especially if you are one.

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch

There's a lot of misogyny in this thread. If you're really someone who thinks that a night out without men sounds like a nightmare, you might want to have a little look at your attitudes towards women.

Especially if you are one.

Agreed

@LegendaryReady

Anyone ever wondered why men don't get involved in school stuff and leave some child m rearing aspects to women?

I’m thinking it’s not because of a few WhatsApp groups in 2021 organising a few mum’s night outs. I feel like… there’s some other reason 🤔