Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Are dads invited too?'

999 replies

SyIviescup · 31/08/2021 12:07

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

Confused
OP posts:
BoredZelda · 31/08/2021 15:00

Why didn’t he organise his own?

Why didn’t other people who just accepted an invitation?

Aprilx · 31/08/2021 15:01

[quote Winemewhynot]@Aprilx

You can’t seriously be comparing men not been invited to on a girls night out to someone being excluded due to skin colour Confused[/quote]
Like many others on the thread, I find it objectionable and rude than some parents should be omitted from events that are announced and publicised on the parents WhatsApp group for any reason. I believe in inclusivity.

NigellaSeed · 31/08/2021 15:03

I think id be a bit hurt if I was on a parents group and there were less women, and then someone said sorry this day/night out is dad's only. That would make me feel like they think women are generally shit company and me attending would make their event less fun Confused

Excelthetube · 31/08/2021 15:04

No wonder we live in a world of inequality if this shit is seen as ok

BoredZelda · 31/08/2021 15:04

This post is batshit, it’s sexist and discrimination to have a mums night out organised on the class chat?

I’ll bite. So what would you call it to not invite members off a group to a night out just because they are men?

BluebellsGreenbells · 31/08/2021 15:06

My husband enjoys a boys night as much as I like going out with the girls.

Men generally have the freedom to go out more than mums, so don’t see the harm

And yes yes to woman who can’t leave dad at home! Who has the kids? Grandma probably!

toomuchlaundry · 31/08/2021 15:08

I'm assuming those who think it is okay to have a parents group and exclude some of the parents from it, also post on the group about their child's birthday party when only a few children are invited.

Excelthetube · 31/08/2021 15:10

It smacks of the school bully telling everyone about their party and then only inviting the popular kids.
It’s horrible

phishy · 31/08/2021 15:10

@vivainsomnia

Interesting how this has been turned into a male entitlement suggestion. In my group of mums, the majority would have loved the suggestion of go karting, whether made by another mum or dad.

Interesting too the assumption that he was suggesting OP should arrange it. He said nothing of such. He offered a suggestion of another activity. One for member of the group to consider. One that maybe if enough had agreed, he would have been more than happy to organise.

Of course he was suggesting OP should organise it.

If he wanted to organise it, he would have said 'It would be nice to go go karting, I'll message the group to see who would like to go and organise it.'

What he actually said: more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting.

And when OP said he was welcome to organise it, he could have said 'I'll do that.'

But he didn't.

Because he was suggesting OP organise it.

Winemewhynot · 31/08/2021 15:12

@BoredZelda

I’ll bite. So what would you call it to not invite members off a group to a night out just because they are men?

I’d call it a girls night out..Hmm

toomuchlaundry · 31/08/2021 15:14

But what has a girls night out got to do with a class group, it's not a social event diary

frogswimming · 31/08/2021 15:16

"Well that's it now - no girls nights out ever...."

Still op won't say why she can't set up a separate girls night WhatsApp group......

Whycangirlsbesonasty · 31/08/2021 15:16

If you want a girls night out invite some of your friends to a WhatsApp group for that purpose. Don’t piggyback on a school communication forum. Girls night out doing girly stuff sounds awful. Give me go karting any day.

Pumperthepumper · 31/08/2021 15:17

@BoredZelda

Why didn’t he organise his own?

Why didn’t other people who just accepted an invitation?

Probably because they had no need to. But how likely is it that they all, the entire class of parents, took against that one particular man because he was a single parent? I’m guessing not very.
Covidworries · 31/08/2021 15:17

@Pumperthepumper

For goodness sake stop twisting everything. Im not complaining, im stating an experience.
There is a world of difference to a group of mums including a dad, to a dad going round the group of mums asking them to meet for a drink.
Its not relevent now as its 20 yrs ago. But the reason for posting was to point out that on a school parenting group male or female shouldnt matter. Include all or find other means to arrange the nightout you want.

Winemewhynot · 31/08/2021 15:20

OP has said her and some of the mums have enjoyed meeting up for lunch and drinks. They’ve now decided to extend that invite to all the mums via the group chat. I think it’s a nice thing.

You often see threads on here about cliquey playground mums but OP seems to be doing to opposite but is getting a hard time…won’t someone people think of the poor men left at home with the children Grin

Pumperthepumper · 31/08/2021 15:20

[quote Covidworries]@Pumperthepumper

For goodness sake stop twisting everything. Im not complaining, im stating an experience.
There is a world of difference to a group of mums including a dad, to a dad going round the group of mums asking them to meet for a drink.
Its not relevent now as its 20 yrs ago. But the reason for posting was to point out that on a school parenting group male or female shouldnt matter. Include all or find other means to arrange the nightout you want.[/quote]
Why did he have to go round the mums, why not contact the dads? For goodness sake, stop twisting everything to make it the responsibility of a group of women to include your adult husband.

Covidworries · 31/08/2021 15:20

They didnt take against him, they just excluded him from meet ups. Honestly he wasnt bothered for homself, but it did upset the children to find out about things like mums and children meet ups in the park after the fact

Lightisnotwhite · 31/08/2021 15:20

@BoredZelda

This post is batshit, it’s sexist and discrimination to have a mums night out organised on the class chat?

I’ll bite. So what would you call it to not invite members off a group to a night out just because they are men?

It’s not inviting “men” the Op has specifically said it’s about not inviting partners and making it couples and non couples. I’m sure a single parent dad would be as welcome or SAHD.
Pumperthepumper · 31/08/2021 15:21

@Covidworries

They didnt take against him, they just excluded him from meet ups. Honestly he wasnt bothered for homself, but it did upset the children to find out about things like mums and children meet ups in the park after the fact
Again: then he should have done something about it. Definitely if it was affecting his children. That’s on him.
Covidworries · 31/08/2021 15:22

Because 20 yrs ago there wasnt dads doing the school run, there wasnt social media class parenting groups. So it wasnt as easy to know the dads to arrange things.
How can you not understand this?

Karlee30 · 31/08/2021 15:24

This is why I love how I keep myself to myself!

Covidworries · 31/08/2021 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

1forAll74 · 31/08/2021 15:24

Free for all I would say, there is nothing worse than sitting with a lot of waffling women's groups.

Mayorquimby2 · 31/08/2021 15:25

Go karting guy is definitely a dick, as is anyone who picks fault with the venue/activity/timing of a group event that someone else has organized when they offered no help or input in the organizing of the event.

But it doesn't change the fact that it's a dick move by the op to try and use a group that is set up to service a specific group of people to facilitate a smaller subset of that group that she's decided the criteria for.

It's not like it's a smaller subset that's tied to the main purpose like organizing lifts for kids involved in a specific activity or alerting committee members of a change to their meeting etc, she's using it to issue invites to a unrelated social event where she has set the criteria for who makes the list.

If someone posted "we're all thinking of going for dinner and drinks, who's in" then batted away certain people based on where they live or some such with the passive aggressive 'maybe you can organize your own night' crap it wouldn't be tolerated
"oh actually it's just for the people from elm's green, we all know each other pretty well from the summer and you'd change the dynamic. Maybe elms court can organize their own night out"
The correct response would be "maybe you can organize your nights out in a private group rather than the class one"