'Are dads invited too?'

[SyIviescup]

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

And this thread reminds me nicely why i never got involved in all the school gate parents crap!

It also sadly shows why so many children are so happy to openly exclude others.

The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

That part would've fucked me off royally. Heaven forbid they take some responsibility for organising group go karting themselves.

@Sirzy

And this thread reminds me nicely why i never got involved in all the school gate parents crap!

It also sadly shows why so many children are so happy to openly exclude others.

I couldn't agree more with this!

How many mums are we talking? I would be inclined to message them seperately to invite them and if the evening was a success suggest a mums drinking whatsapp be set up for future events.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I can't believe that any bloke would want to sit with a load of women on a girls' night out!

What a couple of wankers!

Eh?

@MrsRobbieHart

If you aren’t inviting everyone in the group then you don’t announce the outing in the group!! You set up another group chat with just the people you want to invite

This.

@iloveruby no, because the "class WhatsApp" is clearly for mums not parents.
Have a WhatsApp group with your friends, sure, but if the invitation is on the "class" group and open to all but really dad's aren't welcome at all, how are we encouraging men to get more involved in being hands on and involved?

Half the posts on here are about dad's who don't do enough in their kids' lives. Which one is it? Acceptable to be a "parent" or just for mums really?

It's bonkers

Just say yes. And then arrange a night out seeing The Chippendales. That should sort it.

The PC response OP is to say sure and next time make your own arrangements to go out on a mum's only evening with those you are friendly with.

Each to their own, but I would imagine a response of 🙄 is the private view atvthe two women who need to bring a partner with them.

Similar to a mum's lunch and one woman asking can she bring her 3 year old.

Most people won't ask but there are always a few who will.
Then there is always the outrage of entitlement of some too.

If you go off and make a separate whats app group for women who don't need to bring a partner or child with them, you are excused of excluding people.

🤷‍♀️

The men aren't actually in the whats app group? It's just their partners that are on and asking to bring them?

YANBU in my view.

I think inviting the class whatsApp group is the most inclusive way - do the men actually turn up?

There would be absolute uproar if a man posted this. "Changes the dynamic of the night out." What a load of sexist claptrap.

Our primary WhatsApp one of the Mum's decided it was only for Mum's, so Dad's couldn't join the group. Seemed weird to me as lots of Dad's did majority of pick ups.... However I left it to Dad's to address it, if they care.
I kind of appreciate the sentiment but what's wrong with helping each other out - especially if a minority group is involved? Add "I left it to Women to address it, if they care' to all kinds of womens' issues and see how it sounds. Nothing wrong with an ally!

And we wonder why our kids are so obsessed with switching gender?

They’re just dads, not some kind of alien species. It’s not your responsibility to organise a different activity but what kind of message does it send our kids to say only the mums can go to the social event.

Have a WhatsApp group with your friends, sure, but if the invitation is on the "class" group and open to all but really dad's aren't welcome at all, how are we encouraging men to get more involved in being hands on and involved?

Mothers as a collective don't have any responsibility at all to try and make dads not be shit, though. Fathers should be hands on and involved parents because it's in their children's interests, not because we're cheering them on.

It certainly is rude to organise a women only night through a mixed sex group, but the reason for that is that it's simply bad manners to be with a group of people (virtually or otherwise) and only invite some of them to an event, in any circumstances. That's why this is a problem. Not because men are entitled to encouragement from women to help them do what they should be doing anyway.

Rainbowqueeen I’d just say “this ones a girls night, maybe you’d like to organise a catch up for all parents around half term?”. This is good.

I'd say 'Not this time. It would be good to catch up as a bigger group another time. Any one have any ideas or dates in mind?'" Then I would let them sort it (or not).

Of course it is ok to arrange women only events, men only or everyone. I might even start a separate group

I am in a similar position. I am in a WhatsApp group with female friends of 20 years. Only me and another friend ever make suggestions. One friend's husband wanted to come to afternoon tea, she now asks if he can come out every single time. We had a frank talk and said this group of friends only. Friend's FOMO husband still comes to pick here up. If we organise drinks, the unwritten rule is it's open to all, partners and extra people. If it requires booking or a deposit, it is just the original group UNLESS someone else want to organise. In the last 5 years, they never have).

We are also close friends with lots of couple. If my OH and I post after going somewhere, one couple will always say "let us know next time, we'll come with you". They CBA looking for deals for flights or hotels. Sometimes it is ok, sometimes not, I like travelling just my oh and DC. We had a trip to NYC booked and cancelled cos of COVID. Their DC would hate a city break, I don't want to spend a weekend with loose limbed teenagers, complaining about being bored.

Are you suggesting a child being excluded from a party is the same as a grown adult involving themselves in school life?
I'm suggesting that both are the attitude of bullies. Are you saying it's ok to be a bully as long as it's adult behaviour?

@Pumperthepumper
He not moaning 20 yrs later. Im mentioning his experience as its relevent to the thread

He is quiet and easy going, not unlikeable but by reading this thread its clear mums like the female onle dynamic, 20 yrs ago mainly mums did pick up which made it difficult to arrange a dads night out. He did chat to mums but its difficult balance. He arranged playdates for the children.
But group get togethers he wasnt in the mum club so didnt get invited.
Can you imagine the possible misunderstanding if he started asking mums at the school gate if they fancied meeting for a drink.

@billy1966

The PC response OP is to say sure and next time make your own arrangements to go out on a mum's only evening with those you are friendly with.

Each to their own, but I would imagine a response of 🙄 is the private view atvthe two women who need to bring a partner with them.

Similar to a mum's lunch and one woman asking can she bring her 3 year old.

Most people won't ask but there are always a few who will.
Then there is always the outrage of entitlement of some too.

If you go off and make a separate whats app group for women who don't need to bring a partner or child with them, you are excused of excluding people.

🤷‍♀️

The men aren't actually in the whats app group? It's just their partners that are on and asking to bring them?

YANBU in my view.

@billy1966 - you are absolutely right

Yeah, I don’t really think excluding dads from social events organised on a parents chat is fair. Dads should be treated as equal parents if we expect them to act like it. Just because someone is a man doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy drinks with a majority female group or be a good addition to the group.

If OP set up a new group I’m sure some posters would be declaring that she’s forming cliques and segregating the group
She is forming a clique by declaring that a night out is for girls only.

They can arrange as many groups as they want. There could be a 'go karting' group, or 'ann summers' one. I know which one I'd join!

@wouldthatbeworse

And we wonder why our kids are so obsessed with switching gender?

They’re just dads, not some kind of alien species. It’s not your responsibility to organise a different activity but what kind of message does it send our kids to say only the mums can go to the social event.

If all social events were Mum only, then absolutely that would piss me off, but I wouldn't and would be amazed if most blokes would, be bothered by a group that's nearly all mums organizing girls nights out and generally female only events.

[quote DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo]@Abraxan

Same-sex partners wouldn't bother me - I don't know why, it's me being weird!!

A husband and wife dynamic , to me, would be odd.

Maybe because I don't know why the wife would want her husband there - go out and socialise at at your own couples thing!!!

I can't really explain it: lone dad, two mums, two dads, parents group, absolutely fine.

Individuals, mainly women, then husband and wife getting babysitter to come along - weird!!!!
(Accept this is my bias).[/quote]
See I still don't understand this bit:

Maybe because I don't know why the wife would want her husband there - go out and socialise at at your own couples thing!!!

If it is two women or two men - they are still a couple. So the whole 'go and socialise at your own couple thing' should still apply.

And from the OP it would appear to be entirely done to sex anyway - single male parent, two male parents as a couple - the men aren't allowed. Only the women.

So it's not to do with couples and dynamics. It's to do with them being male.

Just be honest and say it’s for Mum’s only because it is. It isn’t bad to want to spend time with females without males feeling the need to encroach on it.

It's a parent group chat not a mums group chat.

It's really off to organise a group meeting but exclude the men IMO, just arrange something with the ones you're closer to as friends if you want to do that, as I get it changes the dynamic.

However, it's more off that the men get to dictate that the get together activity isn't 'manly' enough and veto suggestions to something they want to do like go karting. If the ratio of men/women was the other way, the minority women would never say, "this isn't girly enough, how about we all go have our nails done instead?"!!!