Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Are dads invited too?'

999 replies

SyIviescup · 31/08/2021 12:07

So the class watsap is starting to wake up. The majority are women but there a few dads floating about in it. That don't really contribute to the group at all.

There are a few of us who are friendly - not besties but enjoy going for lunch before pick up (if we can) or evening drinks/ meal out (term time as we all seem to disappear during the long summer holidays)

If we organise a play date outing such as at a play area/park ect its an open invite everyone is invited mums & dads, siblings- anyone.

But if a few of us fancy having a 'mums' night out, we have to extend it to the rest of the mums on the group, so they don't feel left out then the same two women ask if 'the dads can come too?'

Which changes the dynamics of the group. I've nothing against either blokes, they are nice, I chat to them at school but its just not the same. The last time they came, we/I was told that more male friendly/fun stuff should be organised like a night out go carting. I did say to him that he was welcome to organise that but it never came to fruition.

Im not the class rep, its not down to me to organise events that men would like, I don't know why they organise fuck all then expect to come out and sit with 10 women and then moan that they could be doing something more 'fun'.

Message this morning -

Person A - Hi every one hope you all had a great summer, a few of us are thinking about have a mums meal and drinks night out for a catch up on the xxxx, if you fancy it let me know so I can book table.

Person B - I'd love too, can dads come too.

Confused
OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 31/08/2021 13:36

@Covidworries

My hubby was a single dad before we got together and he was never invited to things being the dad, it also made it more difficult for his children as often they got forgotten as the parents weren't friends in the same way the group of mums were. I have a friend now who is a single dad and he went to all the baby groups when the children were younger and is part of the group but I dont know about mums nights as its not something I'm aware that happens currently.

I don't see the issue in having an open invite if its part of the whats app group. You mention inviting all the mums as not to leave them out but leave out others. Why not just arrange separately to whats app group to the ones you want to be with then its not a gender issue.

Why didn’t he organise his own?
VeganCow · 31/08/2021 13:37

I dont get it, why cant anyone go, men or women?

You arent personally responsible for other peoples enjoyment.If a man complains, say to them 'this has come up before, please dont accept next time, you knew the type of evening we had planned'

user47000000000 · 31/08/2021 13:37

OP if there’s just a few you want to meet up with then msg them separately….

I think it’s good that dads get engaged in this sort of stuff. Takes some of the pressure off the mums!

lottiegarbanzo · 31/08/2021 13:39

Why have you posted in AIBU when you're so very CERTAIN that you're right?

You're not, you're being cliquey and ill-mannered but given that you don't give a fuck, why are you posting here?

Covidworries · 31/08/2021 13:39

Also at our local school - It is roughly pickups 15% grandparents/other
45% Mum and 40% Dad. It is a really equal split not sure if this is in other areas now or just our area

Kithic · 31/08/2021 13:39

@RiverSkater

Just day Dads can sort out an evening for themselves another time if they want.

They probably won't.

what both of them?
billy1966 · 31/08/2021 13:41

OP,
Am I mis reading this.

There are two women who ask can they bring their partner's?

So the couple come?

Or the Dads go to the night out in place of their wives?

OhSmellyCatSmellyCat · 31/08/2021 13:41

I think it's rude too
It's a parents WhatsApp group
You should invite all parents

Kithic · 31/08/2021 13:42

@MrsRobbieHart

If you aren’t inviting everyone in the group then you don’t announce the outing in the group!! You set up another group chat with just the people you want to invite
This - it is extremely rude to announce a gathering only exclude some of the people you announce to!
TheGoogleMum · 31/08/2021 13:42

It sounds to me like these women don't want to go out without their partners? It is a bit weird they won't go out on their own but I think it would look rude to say no :s

vivainsomnia · 31/08/2021 13:43

I'm surprised there are men out there who actually want to be on a class WhatsApp group nevermind go out with a bunch of school mums, it's a bit weird really
What a wierd thing to say. I'm very lucky that my kids went to schools where dads took a very active interested in the school and their kids classmates. My kids' dad were not interested in them or what they were up to at school. It was great for them to have men involved in school activities showing a good role model and given them some male attention too.

I think it's outrageous that this guy came to something YOU had taken the trouble to organise and thought it appropriate to tell you he'd like to do go-karting or whatever, then doesn't organise it presumably because that's wife work! What the fuck is stopping him from organising what he wants and seeing if anyone turns up (they won't. I've got experience of this)
What a quick assumption to make from what OP has said! Firstly, he might have just suggested it, and indeed, many mums might love it. I would have opted for this 100 times before a girlie night in town. As for not organising it, it's the start of the year, who says he isn't planning to do so later. Then again, considering the dynamic of the group, it is likely he will step away from the mums rather than trying to get accepted.

Covidworries · 31/08/2021 13:44

@Pumperthepumper
That was hardly the point, he did often arrange playdates with other families, but he had to initiate them.
Children would often hear of whole class get togethers after the event. It wasnt fair to them.
He is the most laid back easy going person so he was missed out because of being annoying. Just because he was a single Dad

Fernando072020 · 31/08/2021 13:45

@vivainsomnia

This is really bad. This is a school group, to discuss school kids matters, hence why any parents can join. If this leads to arranging get together, that's fine, but to use this group to then exclude them is just sexist.

If you want to arrange a get together with some mums specifically, create a new group.

This
Pallisers · 31/08/2021 13:46

@Thingsthatgo

YABU. I’d be annoyed if the dads organised a go karting day or a evening in the pub and said ‘men only’.
really? when my kids were in school (small/very social/lots of parents involvement) the dads would sometimes organise a dinner/pub night out for anyone interested. we did mums only and everyone welcome too. no one cared.

I do agree though that you should set up a separate whatssapp group for the women only.

Pumperthepumper · 31/08/2021 13:46

[quote Covidworries]@Pumperthepumper
That was hardly the point, he did often arrange playdates with other families, but he had to initiate them.
Children would often hear of whole class get togethers after the event. It wasnt fair to them.
He is the most laid back easy going person so he was missed out because of being annoying. Just because he was a single Dad[/quote]
It’s exactly the point - it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to make sure he’s got pals in the school, he’s an adult. If there was a whole class get together, why was he excluded? Why didn’t he know about it? How likely is it that he was the only single parent in the class and that was the reason?

vivainsomnia · 31/08/2021 13:47

Why didn’t he organise his own?
So that's the answer when you are purposefully excluded? So if your child's best friend arrange a party and invites the whole class but them, you'll tell her to stop moaning and to just arrange a party herself? I very much doubt it!

SyIviescup · 31/08/2021 13:47

@lottiegarbanzo

Why have you posted in AIBU when you're so very CERTAIN that you're right?

You're not, you're being cliquey and ill-mannered but given that you don't give a fuck, why are you posting here?

Well the higher percentage of YANBU - does lean towards that I am right.

More people agree that having a mums night out only is actually ok. So no need for your aggressive post.

OP posts:
Hopdathelf · 31/08/2021 13:47

If you wouldn’t say white parents only or Catholic parents only then it’s equally wrong to say female parents only.

mswales · 31/08/2021 13:48

YABU. Can't believe in 2021 we want to have gender segregated activities/nights out! Why on earth would it matter if some dads came to the pub/restaurant too?
I mean I also think the guy that suggested more "male-friendly" activities like go karting should be organised was being very unreasonable! God how depressing that we are still acting like men and women are different species....
Re it just "not being the same" with the men as it is with the women, maybe it would be if the men and women just hung out together more!

Hopdathelf · 31/08/2021 13:48

If you wouldn’t say white parents only or Catholic parents only then it’s equally wrong to say female parents only.

On a group for everyone I mean.

Fernando072020 · 31/08/2021 13:48

@TooManyDinosaurs1

My husband couldn't think of anything worse. I'm surprised there are men out there who actually want to be on a class WhatsApp group nevermind go out with a bunch of school mums, it's a bit weird really.

If these blokes want some company why don't they set up a dad's group, a school mum was telling me her other kids class the dads have one but it's literally just for pub outings, they aren't sat on there discussing uniform and school dinners like an actual class whatsapp, no that's left to the mums!

How shocking. Dads interested in their children! Suppose you think my husband - currently on 3 months paternity leave - is weird for taking our son to playgroup and chatting with the other mums?
myheartskippedabeat · 31/08/2021 13:50

God I hate the year group wattsapp group!!
And there's always these needy, pathetic women that can't stand to be without their partner for one night aswell

Pumperthepumper · 31/08/2021 13:50

@vivainsomnia

Why didn’t he organise his own? So that's the answer when you are purposefully excluded? So if your child's best friend arrange a party and invites the whole class but them, you'll tell her to stop moaning and to just arrange a party herself? I very much doubt it!
Are you suggesting a child being excluded from a party is the same as a grown adult involving themselves in school life?

Thanks a low opinion of men you have there.

HermioneKipper · 31/08/2021 13:50

@Thingsthatgo

YABU. I’d be annoyed if the dads organised a go karting day or a evening in the pub and said ‘men only’.
I’d have no problem with this. Dads can arrange their own evening out just like the mums have arranged theirs.

Maybe there could be a bigger get together for all parents at a different time. Maybe one of them would like to organise it.

These people piss me off so much. Love complaining but never actually sort anything themselves. FFS

Covidworries · 31/08/2021 13:51

No its not everyones responsibility. But if something is being organised its arsy to not include one person.
There is a world of difference being a single mum to a single dad in this situation. Especially 20 years ago.

Swipe left for the next trending thread