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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want adult sons to get the Covid vaccination before they visit us again?

130 replies

Skybubble · 31/08/2021 08:22

We have 3 Ds 1 has had the vaccination due to health issues, the other 2 have no intentions of getting the vaccine, they are age 41 39 36 they visit us regularly and stay over often at weekends.
My Dh aged 63 and myself aged 61 have both been vaccinated and also both of us had Covid in January, my husband ended up in hospital with it which obviously was quite worrying at the time.
I am getting more uneasy as winter approaches would I be unreasonable to tell them to not visit us until they have got vaccinated? Or would I be overreacting?

OP posts:
newnortherner111 · 31/08/2021 12:07

Not overreacting at all in my opinion. Maybe meet outdoors at a cafe, but nothing else.

Namenic · 31/08/2021 12:13

I think it’s fair enough shielding from them. I’ve basically done this with my double vaxed relatives because they socialize a lot compared to me and use public transport in London. I am approaching 3rd trimester and due to receive 2nd vax soon.

I take meetings on a case by case basis - trying to mitigate where I can. I look at the circumstances of the meeting - eg I’m happier to meet them outside for an hour or so. Failing that a well ventilated room with social distancing plus LFT before meeting. But I would be v reluctant to have them stay at my house. But do what you are comfortable with - it’s entirely reasonable. My relatives have been really understanding, I hope yours are too.

ZednotZee · 31/08/2021 12:18

I think your sons are being variously careless, selfish, unrealistic or a mixture of all three.

My DM is CEV. She had a terrible reaction to Pfizer and so has been advised not to have any further covid vaccines ie: the boosters.

I am unvaccinated and will stay that way until I am assured of the relative benefit of the vaccine to myself on an individual level.

I haven't stayed at my mums house since covid began. I have a PCR and two LFDs every week as I am an HCP. I will only ever visit my mum, take her to hospital appointments if I have had a -ve PCR in the last 72 hours and a -ve LFD that day.

I am unvaccinated and she likely has little responsibility se to the vaccine and won't have any further protection so I am sensible as I wish to protect her.

Your sons should do the same for you if they wish to remain unvaccinated, which of course is their right.

ZednotZee · 31/08/2021 12:21

response to the vaccine

00100001 · 31/08/2021 12:32

How does anyone even know that anyone else is immunised?

How would OP know if DS was vaccinated? What's stopping them saying they have had their jabs when they haven't?

00100001 · 31/08/2021 12:33

@Sugarplumfairy65

No one comes in my home unless they've been double vaccinated and take a lft first. I have been double vaccinated but it didn't work and I have no antibodies at all. My consultant doesn't think there's any point me having the booster either. Because of my medical conditions, my chances of surviving the virus are slim.
What proof do you have of their double jab status?
Lavender24 · 31/08/2021 12:36

It's up to you but you might look back on this and regret damaging your relationship with your sons and missing out on seeing them. Seems like you're trying to emotionally blackmail them tbh.

reenon · 31/08/2021 12:36

I'm currently in hospital with covid and I've had both jabs. The docs here are saying that we are recovering much more quickly now than those before the jabs. I'm going home today thankfully. Been here for 2 nights.

00100001 · 31/08/2021 13:19

@itsgettingwierd

I get your point and agreed with this for a long time.

But it appears to show that unvaccinated really don't pose much greater risk in terms of passing on delta variant (our dominant strain) and if vaccinated they could be asymptomatic and pass it on unknowingly.

So as far as them being vaccinated it doesn't add much greater protection to you.

What we do as a family is LFT before we boat my parents (all of us double jabbed) as mum having chemo. This is the best protection we have against passing it on even if not fail safe.

Would your sons be prepared to LFT before coming?

Unless you're isolating for at least 2 days after getting a negative LFT, and the testing just before you see your family and then getting another negative. Then there's little point doing the LFT 🤷‍♀️
GrandmaSteglitszch · 31/08/2021 13:42

@Lavender24

It's up to you but you might look back on this and regret damaging your relationship with your sons and missing out on seeing them. Seems like you're trying to emotionally blackmail them tbh.
And the sons are trying to emotionally blackmail the OP if they want to insist she should welcome them into her home, while she believes there is a risk to herself and her husband.
Newgirls · 31/08/2021 13:46

One parent ended up in hospital and the grown up sons are still not getting jabs?! They don’t sound hugely thoughtful so they?

Def meet up outside OP

kowari · 31/08/2021 13:49

And the sons are trying to emotionally blackmail the OP if they want to insist she should welcome them into her home, while she believes there is a risk to herself and her husband.
I reread the OP and the OP does not mention the sons insisting she should welcome them into her home. She does not mention if she has said anything to them that would let them know they are not welcome.

Sugarandtime · 31/08/2021 13:51

@nellly

That's just not true though barofsoap the evidence suggests that vaccinated are far less likely to catch and spread it and would spread a lower viral load.

I'm all for people making their own decisions but that includes op and her husband keeping themselves safe

There was evidence reported just in the last couple of weeks to say that it was the same viral load regardless of having had the injections or not.
MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 13:59

BUT you are less likely to catch Covid if you have been vaccinated, regardless of viral load or not. About 60% less likely. Nothing's changed there. So the vaxxed and the unvaxxed are still not the same.

Marguerite2000 · 31/08/2021 14:05

@Lavender24

It's up to you but you might look back on this and regret damaging your relationship with your sons and missing out on seeing them. Seems like you're trying to emotionally blackmail them tbh.
Maybe the sons should step up and do what they can to protect their father. They really shouldn't need 'emotionally blackmailing' to do that. Relationships go both ways.
Sugarandtime · 31/08/2021 14:21

@MareofBeasttown

BUT you are less likely to catch Covid if you have been vaccinated, regardless of viral load or not. About 60% less likely. Nothing's changed there. So the vaxxed and the unvaxxed are still not the same.
I have no idea about other areas but certainly where I am, there seems to be a lot more people who have had a positive test result in the last couple of months that have had 2 injections. I didn’t actually know anyone personally who had had a positive test result pre about June time. Now know quite a few. Still don’t know anyone who has had a positive test result having not had any injections.

It does seem to be the media say one thing but in the real world things are quite different.

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 14:22

Sigh. Previous posters have already pointed out with data, why more people with vaccines are getting Covid. It's not the media or the real world. It is science.

PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2021 14:27

I’m intrigued as to how posters know everyone’s vaccination status.
More people are double jabbed. Vaccines aren’t perfect and they protect much better against severe illness/death vs infection. They do offer some protection against infection though, so if you’re vaccinated you’re still less likely to pass it on.

Sugarandtime · 31/08/2021 14:29

@MareofBeasttown

Sigh. Previous posters have already pointed out with data, why more people with vaccines are getting Covid. It's not the media or the real world. It is science.
Sigh 😞
FloFloFloFloFlo · 31/08/2021 14:35

The OP can set whatever conditions for entry into her home that she wants.

If the OP’s sons don’t like it then tough. Putting pressure on them? Well they clearly don’t care about increasing the risks to their parents so it’s 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other IMO.

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 14:35

Recent extensive research showing that vaxxed people are 3 times less likely to get covid than the unvaxxed, and therefore less likely to pass it on. www.imperial.ac.uk/news/227713/coronavirus-infections-three-times-lower-double/

Earlier article explaining why more vaxxed people are getting Covid. www.theguardian.com/world/2021/jul/22/rates-of-double-jabbed-people-in-hospital-will-grow-but-that-does-not-mean-covid-vaccines-are-failing

daytripper28 · 31/08/2021 14:46

I am unvaccinated and will stay that way until I am assured of the relative benefit of the vaccine to myself on an individual level.

Wow - just Wow!! And you're a HCP too?

How can you call the OP's sons 'selfish, unrealistic and careless'?
Take a glance in the mirror.

Do all the lateral flow tests and PCR tests you want, it won't stop you getting a big dose of Covid sometime and no doubt spreading it about.

I'm a HCP and just DO NOT get why you wouldn't take a vaccine when offered. It literally makes no sense.

ACreakingGateNeverStops · 31/08/2021 15:04

Just playing devil's advocate here but couldn't you also get a 'big dose of covid' if vaccinated and spread it about ?
I know it's supposed to be less likely but it's still very possible.

PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2021 15:05

@ACreakingGateNeverStops

Just playing devil's advocate here but couldn't you also get a 'big dose of covid' if vaccinated and spread it about ? I know it's supposed to be less likely but it's still very possible.
What do you mean by “a big dose of covid”? Confused
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 31/08/2021 15:07

No one is coming in my home who isnt vax

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