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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want adult sons to get the Covid vaccination before they visit us again?

130 replies

Skybubble · 31/08/2021 08:22

We have 3 Ds 1 has had the vaccination due to health issues, the other 2 have no intentions of getting the vaccine, they are age 41 39 36 they visit us regularly and stay over often at weekends.
My Dh aged 63 and myself aged 61 have both been vaccinated and also both of us had Covid in January, my husband ended up in hospital with it which obviously was quite worrying at the time.
I am getting more uneasy as winter approaches would I be unreasonable to tell them to not visit us until they have got vaccinated? Or would I be overreacting?

OP posts:
TinaYouFatLard · 31/08/2021 08:55

I hope I never see a day where I am coercing my own children to have medical procedures against their will, or refusing to see them.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 31/08/2021 08:56

I have an anti vaxxer friend I have been avoiding meeting her tbh but I have had to come clean as to why so we are meeting for dinner outside.

Your friend had no problem stating her stance on this, yet you felt reluctant to tell her yours.
You were letting yourself be bullied.

OP, whether it is safer or not, you and your DH will be less anxious if you only see your sons outside so tell them that's what you want to do.

ACreakingGateNeverStops · 31/08/2021 08:58

Couldn't they just do a test before they come over ?
As you've had covid and are fully vaccinated I'd imagine you're pretty well protected.
Please don't let it cause a divide in your family.

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 08:58

How absolutely selfish of them. I would meet them outside only and not allow them to stay over.

fungussingstheblues · 31/08/2021 08:59

You don't think it's useful, when we were told on 4 January that vaccination protected 100% against death? It's a scandal of monumental proportions.
And, of course, the daily "Covid death" figures are also trotted out without reference to comorbidities.

Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 08:59

I find it bizarre that people think that someone's "right" not to be vaccinated trumps another close family member's right not to have someone around them who is at increased risk of passing on a dangerous virus.

We face risks every day. If someone wants to live their life free from risk they should go and live in a cave somewhere and see no one and do nothing.

Do you insist everyone who visits you has the flu vaccine too?

COvid isn't going to be eradicated and we cannot force people to have the vaccine for many reasons. So best to just have it yourself and not worry about others as that way madness lies.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 31/08/2021 09:00

fungussingstheblues
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

This is a deliberate misuse of data in order to spread misinformation. A majority of adults are now vaccinated so it stands to reason that most being hospitalised would have been vaccinated.

If a vaccine is 90% effective then it will fail in 10% of people. It’s unfortunate people who fall within that 10% that are being hospitalised and tragically dying. This does not mean vaccination is pointless.

You are still far far more likely to become very ill or die without being vaccinated.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 31/08/2021 09:01

To look on it rationally - you are going to be surrounded by people who haven't been vaccinated day in and day out (that is, if you are going about your business going shopping, restaurants, to work etc). You have no idea of knowing who is vaccinated and who isn't.

Perhaps OP is not doing those things.
I am only going shopping when it is very quiet.
I am not at work and certainly not going to restaurants.
Younger people may be having very normal lives now but many older people are not.

rolyisntittimefor · 31/08/2021 09:04

Yanbu for asking that of them, you have to feel comfortable.

They are not being unreasonable for asserting their right to decide this for themselves. PS I am vaccinated, just believe it's up to people to decide for themselves.

User56439876 · 31/08/2021 09:04

I just wouldn't bother visiting if I was them

Aprilinspringtimeshower · 31/08/2021 09:06

@fungussingstheblues

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.
Remove. Whilst the data may be correct, the point is many more would die if they had not been vaccinated. Many many more would be in hospital. We’d also still be under lockdown This is anti Vaxer nonsense and peddling conspiracy
EmeraldShamrock · 31/08/2021 09:08

Yanbu. I wouldn't want them visiting for an hour.

Frazzled2207 · 31/08/2021 09:08

@fungussingstheblues

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.
Cases in the UK are currently 26 times higher than they were last August. Obviously that is bad. Death rates, whilst high, are not anywhere near 26 times what they were last August. Perhaps double.

That’s why the vaccine works.

Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 09:11

Perhaps OP is not doing those things.
I am only going shopping when it is very quiet.
I am not at work and certainly not going to restaurants.
Younger people may be having very normal lives now but many older people are not.

It's not about older or younger. It's about those who have accepted that covid is part of life now and that there will always be some risk, as there are with other things.
Plenty of elderly people out and about, going back to work, restaurants etc. My 70yo in-laws have worked throughout. Personally, if I was elderly and vaccinated I'd be carrying on as normal now as who knows how long we have left? I want to live life, not sit at home fretting about a virus which kills a very small percentage of people, usually with co-morbidities.
If you choose to stay home and only venture to the shops when it is quiet that is of course up to you. But most people are going about their normal lives now.
As I said, if OP doesn't want to see her ds's as they haven't been vaccinated that's up to her. But she shouldn't then be surprised if they don't visit.

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 09:13

When I go shopping in a supermarket I don't ask if everyone is vaccinated because the check out lady generally does not spend a night in the spare room and use my bathroom. I would not have anyone in my house who is not vaxxed. If her sons have the right to decide to get vaxxed, OP has the right to decide who to invite to her home. As for the anti vaxx lies upthread... wellHmm

Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 09:22

When I go shopping in a supermarket I don't ask if everyone is vaccinated because the check out lady generally does not spend a night in the spare room and use my bathroom. I would not have anyone in my house who is not vaxxed. If her sons have the right to decide to get vaxxed, OP has the right to decide who to invite to her home. As for the anti vaxx lies upthread... wellhmm

That's your prerogative of course. But you also don't get to be affronted if no one visits or stays over any more. I would probably not visit someone who had this "my way or the highway" attitude regardless of whether I'd had the vaccine or not as it wouldn't make me think very highly of them.

That said, I don't particularly like having guests OR staying at other peoples houses so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. It would actually make it a lot easier to get out of visiting people I'd rather not as I'd just be like "oh sorry, il have to decline your kind invitation as I'm not vaccinated!"

Out of interest, how do you tell if someone is vaccinated or not?

And as there are no plans to have children vaccinated, how will people go about this ban on visits if they want to see their grandchildren etc?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 31/08/2021 09:23

YANBU and I would feel the same.

fungussingstheblues · 31/08/2021 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 09:28

@Hellotoallmyfans

When I go shopping in a supermarket I don't ask if everyone is vaccinated because the check out lady generally does not spend a night in the spare room and use my bathroom. I would not have anyone in my house who is not vaxxed. If her sons have the right to decide to get vaxxed, OP has the right to decide who to invite to her home. As for the anti vaxx lies upthread... wellhmm

That's your prerogative of course. But you also don't get to be affronted if no one visits or stays over any more. I would probably not visit someone who had this "my way or the highway" attitude regardless of whether I'd had the vaccine or not as it wouldn't make me think very highly of them.

That said, I don't particularly like having guests OR staying at other peoples houses so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. It would actually make it a lot easier to get out of visiting people I'd rather not as I'd just be like "oh sorry, il have to decline your kind invitation as I'm not vaccinated!"

Out of interest, how do you tell if someone is vaccinated or not?

And as there are no plans to have children vaccinated, how will people go about this ban on visits if they want to see their grandchildren etc?

i am not British. I come from a country where people think it is a privilege to be vaxxed and are fighting for appointments, so I am pretty sure they are not lying..Everybody in my family is vaxxed and I dont have contact with anyone below 17 ( not because of Covid but because I not close to anyone wt younger children). I am not affronted by anti vaxxers refusing to stay with me at all..Glad to not know them, let alone share a bath with them.
itsgettingwierd · 31/08/2021 09:30

You're much safer if they LFT test before visiting.

I'd be more gutted if they wouldn't do that small thing than I would be about their choice not to vaccinate.

And I'm pro vaccine - just also pro choice.

ilovesooty · 31/08/2021 09:31

The OP is perfectly entitled to decide who she's prepared to have inside her home.

I wouldn't want someone in mine who I knew to be unvaccinated by choice.

Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 09:33

I am not affronted by anti vaxxers refusing to stay with me at all..Glad to not know them, let alone share a bath with them.

Well, so long as everyone is being truthful about having the vaccine then you should be fine. How you will go about avoiding the unvaccinated (or, "anti-Vaxxers" as you call them) in the wider world I do not know.

As to the bath-sharing with visitors - I never knew that was a "thing". I wouldn't share bath water with anyone. Ew.

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 09:45

Lol @Hellotoallmyfans you know very well I meant sharing a bathroom, not a bath. As to how to avoid anti vaxxers in the wider world, I dont care. I go to work on the Tube, go to restaurants and supermarkets. I am even flying next week. I wear a mask and distance as much as I can. But I cant do that in my home.

As for LFTs they are not accurate. DS had 2 negative LFTs before finally turning positive. He has been vaxxed now.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/08/2021 09:49

@TinaYouFatLard

I hope I never see a day where I am coercing my own children to have medical procedures against their will, or refusing to see them.
🙄🙄🙄

I hope I never see a day I find out I've reared selfish, unthinking idiots.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 31/08/2021 09:59

No one comes in my home unless they've been double vaccinated and take a lft first. I have been double vaccinated but it didn't work and I have no antibodies at all. My consultant doesn't think there's any point me having the booster either. Because of my medical conditions, my chances of surviving the virus are slim.