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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want adult sons to get the Covid vaccination before they visit us again?

130 replies

Skybubble · 31/08/2021 08:22

We have 3 Ds 1 has had the vaccination due to health issues, the other 2 have no intentions of getting the vaccine, they are age 41 39 36 they visit us regularly and stay over often at weekends.
My Dh aged 63 and myself aged 61 have both been vaccinated and also both of us had Covid in January, my husband ended up in hospital with it which obviously was quite worrying at the time.
I am getting more uneasy as winter approaches would I be unreasonable to tell them to not visit us until they have got vaccinated? Or would I be overreacting?

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 31/08/2021 08:25

I don’t think you’re unreasonable. I would feel the same. But then I am in the clinically extremely vulnerable group and I think everyone that can be should be vaccinated.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 31/08/2021 08:25

People who are doubled jabbed can and do end up hospitalised with covid, though it's far less likely. You know he reacts badly to it. So YANBU. However I'd not say no visits, I'd say only visit outside

barofsoap · 31/08/2021 08:27

This reply has been deleted

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nellly · 31/08/2021 08:28

That's just not true though barofsoap the evidence suggests that vaccinated are far less likely to catch and spread it and would spread a lower viral load.

I'm all for people making their own decisions but that includes op and her husband keeping themselves safe

itsgettingwierd · 31/08/2021 08:29

I get your point and agreed with this for a long time.

But it appears to show that unvaccinated really don't pose much greater risk in terms of passing on delta variant (our dominant strain) and if vaccinated they could be asymptomatic and pass it on unknowingly.

So as far as them being vaccinated it doesn't add much greater protection to you.

What we do as a family is LFT before we boat my parents (all of us double jabbed) as mum having chemo. This is the best protection we have against passing it on even if not fail safe.

Would your sons be prepared to LFT before coming?

HoneysuckIejasmine · 31/08/2021 08:29

Do they take other precautions? Ime, people who are refusing to have the vaccine are also acting as if it doesn't exist - lots of high risk activities and socialising etc. I mean, that's perhaps just the particular anti-vaccine people I am acquainted with, but I wouldn't trust them to behave in a way to lower their risk and therefore yours.

OhWhyNot · 31/08/2021 08:29

you are both vaccinated

What does your dh think ?

Many people have chosen not to get vaccinated and you will likely be in their company.

I know some people for many reason only choose to mix socially with those they know have been vaccinated for myself it’s not an issue either way

thepeopleversuswork · 31/08/2021 08:30

YANBU at all.

Why have they no intention of getting jabbed? Is there a clinical reason or are they antivaxx?

If the latter I would consider it a slap in the face if your sons couldn’t put a bit of posturing behind them to try to protect your husband’s health.

Before someone comes along to say the vaccine doesn’t prevent transmission, it’s not a silver bullet but it does lower the risk.

If they aren’t prepared to take that minor step they have no right to insist they get to visit.

PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2021 08:30

@barofsoap

the only person the vaccine protects is the one who has had it
This isn’t true. People who are vaccinated are less likely to become infected, and if you aren’t infected you can’t pass it on.
PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2021 08:32

I wouldn’t pressure them to get the vaccine. That rarely works with anti vaccers. Just only meet them in safer conditions, such as outside or well ventilated spaces at a distance.

barofsoap · 31/08/2021 08:32

@nellly

That's just not true though barofsoap the evidence suggests that vaccinated are far less likely to catch and spread it and would spread a lower viral load.

I'm all for people making their own decisions but that includes op and her husband keeping themselves safe

I am not sure that that is the case, have you checked on Israel lately?

TBH the family can do what they like but no-one should ever be pressurised by family to have a particular treatment.

I always had the flu vacc when I was working because a) I didn't want to be off work ill and b) didn't want to give it to the family c) was at mega high risk of catching it
unfortunately the covid vaccine is not nearly that good,

Clymene · 31/08/2021 08:35

I think it's fair enough. Vaccinated people are less likely to transmit the virus

barofsoap · 31/08/2021 08:38

@PurpleDaisies

I wouldn’t pressure them to get the vaccine. That rarely works with anti vaccers. Just only meet them in safer conditions, such as outside or well ventilated spaces at a distance.
that is probably the best thing to do - I have real concerns about the false sense of security given by vaccine and mask wearing, leads to significant risk compensation - better to act as though everyone is infected and a risk
Clymene · 31/08/2021 08:41

It's not pressuring them to say they're not welcome in your home unless they're vaccinated. They have made a choice. The OP is perfectly able to make one too.

Whinginadeville · 31/08/2021 08:42

I have an anti vaxxer friend I have been avoiding meeting her tbh but I have had to come clean as to why so we are meeting for dinner outside. Like you I have a vulnerable family member, I'd possibly be more lax if it was just me. I have trod carefully in how I've dealt with it as I don't want to damage a relationship but I'm actually a little upset by the rank selfishness

PurpleDaisies · 31/08/2021 08:42

@Clymene

It's not pressuring them to say they're not welcome in your home unless they're vaccinated. They have made a choice. The OP is perfectly able to make one too.
This is so disingenuous. You honestly think saying that isn’t putting pressure on them to get vaccinated?
pianolessons1 · 31/08/2021 08:43

Oh dear. I'd be gutted if my kids were showing such an inability to think critically and assess risk. Not sure what I'd do about it though.

Clymene · 31/08/2021 08:45

Choices have consequences @PurpleDaisies

Mischance · 31/08/2021 08:45

It is entirely reasonable to want to stay covid free, especially as your OH appears to be more vulnerable.

Meet them in safe places.

fungussingstheblues · 31/08/2021 08:46

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kowari · 31/08/2021 08:49

YANBU to want them to get the covid injection before they visit you. Though, I would not tell my child (or other close relative) not to visit me because they didn't make the same medical choices as me.

Would you not want to see them at all or only outside? Would you wait until Easter to be able to have a family gathering again (warm enough to sit outside)?

BluebellsGreenbells · 31/08/2021 08:50

This shows you why double vaccinated are higher numbers - because more are vaccinated.

Most are still elserly

To want adult sons to get the Covid vaccination before they visit us again?
thepeopleversuswork · 31/08/2021 08:51

This is so disingenuous. You honestly think saying that isn’t putting pressure on them to get vaccinated?

Tough.

Why shouldn't the OP put pressure on them to get vaccinated if their refusal to do so increases the risk for her husband?

I find it bizarre that people think that someone's "right" not to be vaccinated trumps another close family member's right not to have someone around them who is at increased risk of passing on a dangerous virus.

And don't get me started on "my body, my choice". Your body. Not other people's bodies.

SprayedWithDettol · 31/08/2021 08:51

@fungussingstheblues

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.
That data isn’t useful either. There isn’t any information on co-morbidities, so whilst people might have had a positive test for Covid, it isn’t necessarily why people died.

Until people realise this sort of data is next to meaningless, misinformation will spread.

OP, I wouldn’t have them visit.

Hellotoallmyfans · 31/08/2021 08:51

If you insist they have the vaccine before visiting you again that is up to you.

Just don't be surprised if they don't visit you again🤷‍♀️.

Who has more to lose?

Personally if my dm insisted I be vaccinated before visiting her I'd probably just not go round and leave it up to her to come and sit in the garden or whatever if she wanted to see me.
I've had the vaccine personally but I wouldn't take gladly to being blackmailed by someone, relative or otherwise.

To look on it rationally - you are going to be surrounded by people who haven't been vaccinated day in and day out (that is, if you are going about your business going shopping, restaurants, to work etc). You have no idea of knowing who is vaccinated and who isn't.