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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want adult sons to get the Covid vaccination before they visit us again?

130 replies

Skybubble · 31/08/2021 08:22

We have 3 Ds 1 has had the vaccination due to health issues, the other 2 have no intentions of getting the vaccine, they are age 41 39 36 they visit us regularly and stay over often at weekends.
My Dh aged 63 and myself aged 61 have both been vaccinated and also both of us had Covid in January, my husband ended up in hospital with it which obviously was quite worrying at the time.
I am getting more uneasy as winter approaches would I be unreasonable to tell them to not visit us until they have got vaccinated? Or would I be overreacting?

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 31/08/2021 10:00

Perfectly reasonable request.

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 10:11

Still confused as to how a vaccine is a 'medical procedure' anyway. It's not like OP is asking her sons to get a vasectomy.

pointythings · 31/08/2021 10:22

My foster son's mum won't get vaccinated - no medical reason, she believes the misinformation.

I need to talk to her because she usually spends Christmas day with us. That won't be happening unless she's vaxxed.

Foster son (19) is in full agreement with this. This isn't about 'blackmail' [hmm,] it's about accepting the consequences of the choices you make. And if you won't do one simple thing which will reduce your risk of spreading COVID to others, you're selfish.

TheChip · 31/08/2021 10:25

Honestly, I think its so sad that families are falling apart because of their own personal decisions on whether they get vaccinated or not.

We do not know who in the supermarkets have had their vaccines, yet we are willing to run that risk. There are other ways and means to remain in contact with family, just like people did before the vaccine was available.

Life is too short.

A friend of mine has just been cut off from her family for choosing not to get the vaccine. She didn't want to get it just yet because she was actively trying for a baby, and she's now pregnant. They don't know that she is pregnant, they told her she can't see them ever again before she got round to telling them. Now she is so sad and stressed at what is meant to be a happy time for her and her family.

Notdoingthis · 31/08/2021 10:33

They are grown ups. You have to let them decide.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 31/08/2021 10:39

‘I'm sorry if you don't like the sound of this - take it up with Public Health Scotland - it's their figures.’

@fungussingstheblues - can you please provide a link to your stats? You cannot throw up stats claiming that you are more likely to die if you’ve been vaccinated than not and not include a link to that study. If you’re not cherry picking data to suit an agenda then I’m sure you’ll be happy to provide a link to the data source so we can see it in its full context.

Aprilx · 31/08/2021 10:45

If my parents (or anybody) told me to undergo a particular medical process or not visit them, then I wouldn’t visit them. So I think it is fine for you to say this to them, so long as you have accepted the potential consequences.

And for the avoidance of doubt, I have been double vaccinated.

User56439876 · 31/08/2021 10:46

I'm sure they can still speak on the phone or zoom if you want to stay in contact

Mischance · 31/08/2021 10:47

I do not think you can put pressure on them to get vaccinated - that is their decision; but you can put safeguards in place if they visit unvaccinated. Your home, your rules.

I would be worried for my adult children if they had not been vaccinated. There has been a very high profile case of a 40 year old anti-vaxxer who has just died; and before he did he urged everyone to get vaccinated as he had seen that he had been unwise.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/08/2021 10:54

Yanbu because everyone who can should be vaccinated

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 31/08/2021 10:59

YANBU OP. I'd be very straight with your sons.

I'm in Ireland and kids aged 12-16 are all being offered the vaccine now.

I've asked DS to ask his class friends at school today to check who has been vaccinated. Any kids not vaccinated will not be invited for play dates.

DH has a blood cancer and I'm not taking any unnecessary risks. We've not socialised much since March 2020 and then only outdoors.

DH's consultant is very clear and warned him that he likely has no protection even though he's double vaxxed.

Luckily DS doesn't attend any after school clubs so that reduces the risk too.

thepeopleversuswork · 31/08/2021 11:04

We face risks every day. If someone wants to live their life free from risk they should go and live in a cave somewhere and see no one and do nothing.

I have no illusions about living free from risk, but I reserve the right not to wilfully expose myself to the risk of catching a potentially deadly virus because people are too selfish or stupid to take a safe, simple step which makes it much much less likely that they will transmit it to me.

If an adult child of mine insisted it was his or her "right" to inject heroin in my bathroom using the "my body, my choice" logic most people would think I was perfectly reasonable telling them to sling their hook.

You have every right to take steps to protect vulnerable loved ones in your own home OP.

HattieMid2 · 31/08/2021 11:06

Bloody hell - I feel like I’ve entered the twilight zone. Refusing kids for play dates if they’re not vaxxed??!
You’re setting your kids up for a lifetime of health anxiety here.

rainbowdashsneeze · 31/08/2021 11:08

I've had one dose of Pfizer in March and I've not had a period since so I didn't have the 2nd. I would be utterly gutted if my vaccinated parents asked me not to visit and I do so regularly.

You have had covid and you're double jabbed so I do think you're unreasonable.

MrsScrubbithatescleaning · 31/08/2021 11:15

@HattieMid2

Bloody hell - I feel like I’ve entered the twilight zone. Refusing kids for play dates if they’re not vaxxed??! You’re setting your kids up for a lifetime of health anxiety here.

Lol

His big sister's a doctor so I don't think so.

Sushirolls · 31/08/2021 11:17

@User56439876

I just wouldn't bother visiting if I was them

This ^^

YABVU

00100001 · 31/08/2021 11:18

... but you're vaccinated...so why do they need to be?

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 31/08/2021 11:23

**Bloody hell - I feel like I’ve entered the twilight zone. Refusing kids for play dates if they’re not vaxxed??!
You’re setting your kids up for a lifetime of health anxiety here.

As their father has blood cancer I imagine they already have high anxiety. I doubt one of their friends infecting him would improve that!

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 11:28

Personally I think people who don't take the vaccine ( when they have no medical exemptions) have health anxiety. Not people who follow the instructions of their medical professionals.

Marguerite2000 · 31/08/2021 11:38

@HattieMid2

Bloody hell - I feel like I’ve entered the twilight zone. Refusing kids for play dates if they’re not vaxxed??! You’re setting your kids up for a lifetime of health anxiety here.

Did you miss the bit where the poster said her husband is vulnerable due to having 'blood cancer'?

thepeopleversuswork · 31/08/2021 11:41

@MareofBeasttown

Personally I think people who don't take the vaccine ( when they have no medical exemptions) have health anxiety. Not people who follow the instructions of their medical professionals.

Agree. Not to mention a poor grasp of risk and statistics.

gogohm · 31/08/2021 11:45

Yanbu, we are mixing freely with family but we are all double vaxxed even the 20 year olds.

Marguerite2000 · 31/08/2021 11:46

@00100001

... but you're vaccinated...so why do they need to be?

To reduce the risks of her husband becoming reinfected. Not everyone is able to produce sufficient antibodies following vaccination and/or previous infection. That's why we need as high an uptake as possible. The other alternative is to carry on with some degree of shielding of vulnerable, eg. by reducing contacting with unvaccinated people as much as possible

Iwonder08 · 31/08/2021 11:57

For the avoidance of doubt I am double jabbed. You have all the rights in the world to insist on any rules in your house, however you can't insist on your children getting jabs. Tell them you don't allow any visitors with no vaccine if you want, however you need to stress it to them it is entirely up to them if they get the vaccine and you understand their rights.
I assume your reluctance to have unvaccinated people in indoor spaces covers restaurants, shops etc, I.e. You are not going to any indoor spaces as you can't possibly know if people around you have been vaccinated? If not your children are likely to point out a complete lack of any common sense or logic

MareofBeasttown · 31/08/2021 12:03

A lack of common sense and logic is insisting that my masked 10 minute contact with a waiter or check out lady is the same as unmasked contact during a stay over.

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