Aibu to get married to a 37 year old man when I just turned 22?

[ConeyIsland23]

I am 22 and my boyfriend is 37. He proposed. We are deeply in love. But I am unsure about the long term complications of our age gap after speaking to my parents. Could someone with a similar age gap tell me about the pros and cons? Are we doomed? Do you regret the age gap? Also we will be trying for kids once we are married.

I know someone where she is approx 18 years younger and it is working very well. Though I think they met when she would have been late twenties or early thirties. Also another couple who had a 22 year difference and had a great marriage. Though she was widowed early in her fifties but has no regrets.

@CatsArePeople

She said she is planning to have a baby soon and then give up her job, thereby making herself and her child totally financially dependent on a man she probably met when she was a teenager.

unless he's abusive, criminal, or an addict, nothing specifically wrong with that. Babies don't stay babies for long.

No, but in 20 years time, when they're off your hands, she'll be 42, while he'll be 57. There's no guarantee that he'll be fit and willing to go off and do stuff.

My cousin is 54, married to someone who will be 70 this year. He had a major stroke 10 years ago, and she's been a full time carer since. She loves him, but is just so exhausted. She said that she once wished he'd died from the stroke and not survived.

OP needs to be practical now. Love is not enough, time to draw up the pros and cons list, after having had the talk on all those topics, and more, mentioned by another poster. Going with your gut is not enough.

Even if you do decide to marry, wait a few years, there's no rush. And try saying no a few times to things he wants. This can often lead people to show who they really are, a very useful tool.

@fridgepants your situation was nothing to do with an age gap. 19-22 is not an age gap relationship. He was just an idiot.

22 is young to get married, no matter how old / young he is. What’s the big rush? How long have you been together? I’d take a little longer to make sure that you’re doing the right thing. I’m nothing like the person I was at 22. Even at 30, my ideas about what I wanted in a partner were radically different. That’s not to say it won’t work but you have absolutely nothing to risk by waiting a couple of years given that you could be married for 70 or 80 years! if he’s right for you, he’ll still want to marry you and waiting two years won’t be a feeble enough reason not to.

*60 or 70!

Is this a doctor/nurse relationship by any chance? Boy have I seen a few of those crash and blow in my time…

I think you should definitely be together if that’s what you want. Plenty of good examples between couples with big age gaps and if you don’t try you’ll truly never know. Set a date for your wedding in a couple of years time, and enjoy time getting to know one another properly.

My very wise mother always says never comment on to be weds… they can always get divorced

One reason a 37 year-old men would choose a 22 year-old partner is because the younger woman is more easily controlled.

Why do you need to marry? Is it because he wants to exert control?

I can see what he gets out of dating a 22 year old but he's so old compared to you!

I think if I was a 37 year old man, the age difference between me and a 22 young woman would be too much.

I can appreciate the concern.