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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 1200 is a quite a lot in a bank account for someone on benefits

213 replies

Happiestyearofmylife · 30/08/2021 11:50

Not a benefits bashing thread. Dd is currently unable to work. She gives me £400 a month. She currently has 1200 in her account and feels like she isn’t saving enough. I’m trying to re assure her that when you have limited money that’s quite a bit.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 30/08/2021 20:02

@HadEnoughofOtherThreads. I think that’s a bit mean— whilst I do agree that some seem to have an issue with anyone who is remotely comfortably off- in this case @RussianSpy101 was commenting on it being wrong for OP to take money from her adult child’s income— I think for anyone who is very comfortably off to be pretty judgemental to the OP is in pretty poor taste.

HadEnoughofOtherThreads · 30/08/2021 20:10

@Crikeyalmighty

How is that mean?

So, anyone who is comfortably well off or privileged is not allowed to express their opinion re. a financial matter such as this because…(please end the sentence)…

putthetubeinthebin · 30/08/2021 20:14

If OP had come on and said "my husband owns a large business and I have 3 family properties which I receive an income from but I take £400 a month from my disabled adult child and she's worried she only has £1200 savings" she would have had very different replies.

She has said she can't afford not to take money from her child. So she has no choice. It's really neither here nor there if there are wealthy people out there supporting their kids without help.

RussianSpy101 · 30/08/2021 20:22

@HadEnoughofOtherThreads thanks. Without having a clue how much hard work goes into being successful and the sacrifices it requires.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/08/2021 20:24

Why are you asking?

RussianSpy101 · 30/08/2021 20:24

I was commenting from my position as the mum of a disabled child, regardless of income.
Knowing your child cannot work due to their disability or condition and still taking money from them is wrong. Having 18 years to plan for their future and having nothing in place is wrong.
Any money taken from the person in receipt of the benefit leaves them less money available to assist them in living an independent life.

Babyroobs · 30/08/2021 20:35

@RussianSpy101

I was commenting from my position as the mum of a disabled child, regardless of income. Knowing your child cannot work due to their disability or condition and still taking money from them is wrong. Having 18 years to plan for their future and having nothing in place is wrong. Any money taken from the person in receipt of the benefit leaves them less money available to assist them in living an independent life.
For goodness sake - the benefit money is for the young adult to live off. If they are living with parents it can be a pretty hefty amount they receive in benefits. Of course they should make a contribution for rent, food and utilities. Many people in this position will be getting far more in benefits than other young people on apprenticeships or first jobs and many of these will be expected to contribute.
Booknooks · 30/08/2021 20:39

@RussianSpy101

I was commenting from my position as the mum of a disabled child, regardless of income. Knowing your child cannot work due to their disability or condition and still taking money from them is wrong. Having 18 years to plan for their future and having nothing in place is wrong. Any money taken from the person in receipt of the benefit leaves them less money available to assist them in living an independent life.
You're just digging a hole for yourself, stop and listen to what you are saying. In this scenario it's pointless to say regardless of income as this is exactly what the post is about. Also from what has been posted it seems her daughter is struggling with MH, this might be a shock but often that doesn't leave 18 years to prepare, it's often unforseen. She still has more money left from her benefits than she likely would have living alone, of course if that's what she wanted to do then it would also benefit OP so I'm sure she wouldn't be complaining if she said she wanted to move out from a financial perspective. That's not the case though, OP has had to drop her hours at work to support her, and is struggling to pay the bills, should they go without gas or electric whilst benefits money is collecting cobwebs in her account? Perhaps they don't need to buy food, maybe falling behind on rent and being kicked out would be fun.
putthetubeinthebin · 30/08/2021 20:45

OP's daughter is "currently" unable to work. Not everyone has had 18 years to plan because illness and disability can come unexpectedly.

To be fair, even with 18 years notice, some people just won't have had the privilege/opportunity to be in that kind of financial position.

GreenClock · 30/08/2021 20:50

I think she’s doing really well to be saving, and it’s commendable that she seems to be taking her financial security seriously rather than squandering all her disposable income and then pleading poverty. £1200 isn’t a fortune but it’s decent enough. And presumably she’s adding to it. Good for her.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 30/08/2021 20:51

Thinking on it my dd lives in supported living.

She gets around £350 a week in benefits.

She pays £40 towards her food. £30 towards utility bills and £5 towards washing powder, cleaning stuff etc. ((she shares with 3 others.))
She also pays £139 towards her carers support (( which ds gets for free off muggins))

If anyone informed me I was awful for taking less than half off my ds than what his sister has to pay in local authority living id be telling them where to go!

itsgettingwierd · 30/08/2021 21:00

[quote RussianSpy101]@itsgettingwierd DH owns a large company, I have 3 family properties in my sole name which being in monthly rental income.

I stated many times previously, I do not claim any benefits.[/quote]
I'd missed your posts after.

But you really do have to stop rising above us all who aren't in that fortunate situation to be able to afford all that and provide private therapies.

Not all of us started off in this situation and everyone could end up in this situation.

itsgettingwierd · 30/08/2021 21:01

[quote HadEnoughofOtherThreads]@RussianSpy101
Don’t tell people your business; most people are jealous haters who clearly resent you having more money than them.[/quote]
That's more bullocks than those posters here suggesting you never ask an adult to contribute to a household 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

As jokes go it ain't a funny one 🤷‍♀️

HadEnoughofOtherThreads · 30/08/2021 21:03

I agree that the benefits that OP’s DD receives is to be used for her current day to day living expenses, which include rent, food, etc. OP cannot afford to allow her DD to save up all of the disability benefits whilst she struggles to cover her DD’s living expenses. OP is continuing to provide a larger home and care for her DD as DD has MH issues. OP’s earning power is reduced as she works PT in order to care for her DD.

Planned pregnancies or not, most people do not and are not able to afford to prepare for 18 years of child related expenses beforehand.

Some comfortably well off people have worked hard and struggled to become financially secure and, therefore, know what it feels like to be poor or to live pay check to pay check. They should still be allowed to have an opinion.

itsgettingwierd · 30/08/2021 21:04

@RussianSpy101

I was commenting from my position as the mum of a disabled child, regardless of income. Knowing your child cannot work due to their disability or condition and still taking money from them is wrong. Having 18 years to plan for their future and having nothing in place is wrong. Any money taken from the person in receipt of the benefit leaves them less money available to assist them in living an independent life.
The benefits is their income! It's provided from the state to provide for their care.

I'm really glad you and DH TOGETHER have managed to make a future through hard work.

I ALONE have a done a degree and am now doing further training and cannot get use this as I'm caring single handedly for my disabled ds.

You are coming across more and more judgemental with each post.

HadEnoughofOtherThreads · 30/08/2021 21:10

@itsgettingwierd

It was not a joke.

Our adult DD still lives at home and was expected to contribute to the household expenses as soon as they finished Uni and was earning.

XenoBitch · 30/08/2021 21:11

It is great she has some money stashed away, and it is definitely something you should be encouraging.

itsgettingwierd · 30/08/2021 21:38

[quote HadEnoughofOtherThreads]@itsgettingwierd

It was not a joke.

Our adult DD still lives at home and was expected to contribute to the household expenses as soon as they finished Uni and was earning.[/quote]
I thought you were joking when you said we are all jealous of how much money she has and will never carriage her adult a penny.

No one is jealous of her money. Just fed up of her holier than thou attitude towards though not in that situation.

phishy · 30/08/2021 21:42

@Happiestyearofmylife

Because our rent is expensive and wouldn’t need that size house. If I didn’t have adults living with me.
YANBU, you have to be able to pay the rent and bills and being pragmatic she has to pay her way.

Just please don’t tell me you have a 18+ yo son in
the house who doesn’t work or study and doesn’t have to pay a penny.

There often seems to be one rule for sons and another for daughters as they ‘mature faster’.

HadEnoughofOtherThreads · 30/08/2021 21:52

@itsgettingwierd

‘I thought you were joking when you said we are all jealous of how much money she has and will never carriage her adult a penny.

No one is jealous of her money. Just fed up of her holier than thou attitude towards though not in that situation.’

I was serious, but I did not say every poster was jealous. I simply advised @RussianSpy101 to keep her business to herself as people will hate. This is an unfortunate fact.

@RussianSpy101 can fend for themselves re. their holier than thou attitude, as I agree that they have dug themselves into a bigger hole in light of their most recent posts.

KarmaStar · 30/08/2021 21:58

You're getting carers allowance for her and taking £400 a month?
You are doing well out of your dd.

phishy · 30/08/2021 22:01

@KarmaStar carer’s allowance is c£60 a week. OP is hardly rolling in it, she would earn much more working full time.

Surely better for DD to pay £400 rather than be made homeless?

Changechangychange · 30/08/2021 22:01

[quote RussianSpy101]@HadEnoughofOtherThreads thanks. Without having a clue how much hard work goes into being successful and the sacrifices it requires.[/quote]
Exactly how much work and sacrifice went into you being given the rental income from three properties by your family?

You have a huge amount of personal wealth. Your income is probably 100 times that if the OP. Please do not come in here and suggest she eats cake.

Babyroobs · 30/08/2021 22:03

@KarmaStar

You're getting carers allowance for her and taking £400 a month? You are doing well out of your dd.
As if less than £700 a month is a great amount for caring for someone possibly 24/7 and providing food, utilities and a room and not being able to work full time yourself because your life is on hold caring for a disabled person?
RussianSpy101 · 30/08/2021 22:06

@Changechangychange no work for the properties. Just sacrifice of family members. Would rather have them than houses.