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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 1200 is a quite a lot in a bank account for someone on benefits

213 replies

Happiestyearofmylife · 30/08/2021 11:50

Not a benefits bashing thread. Dd is currently unable to work. She gives me £400 a month. She currently has 1200 in her account and feels like she isn’t saving enough. I’m trying to re assure her that when you have limited money that’s quite a bit.

OP posts:
SpaceBethSmith · 30/08/2021 13:23

@itsgettingwierd I do. I’ve had to suspend my final year of my degree and leave my part time job because my 10YO has significant MH issues, ASD and ADHD. The last 18 months have had a huge impact on her. I’m now on unemployment benefits, counting every fucking penny. It’s miserable. But I have to be here for my child 24/7, I’m a lone parent and my ex is fucking useless.

I also have a brother (32) with EUPD and he lives in a small flat next to our Dad, who, fortunately, is self employed and WFH, meaning a close eye can be kept on him.

rosinavera · 30/08/2021 13:27

@SpaceBethSmith

She’s paying you £100 a week out of disability benefits. I think that’s more than enough. You seem pissed off that she’s got savings.
Where does the OP sound pissed off??? Also what do you think PIP is for - it is to help with living expenses!
SpaceBethSmith · 30/08/2021 13:28

@rosinavera I know what PIP is for, thanks, I claim it myself.

It’s her tone that makes her sound pissed off.

rosinavera · 30/08/2021 13:30

@CornishPastyDownUnder

Aye-keep telling yourself [email protected] think profiteering is pretty low when your dd is skint&needs a break-thats what families do,you know-help out where they can🤣maybe do her a favour then&you get a smaller house&she moves somewhere cheaper with less strings attachedHmm
And you win the award today for nastiest post!
rosinavera · 30/08/2021 13:34

[quote SpaceBethSmith]@rosinavera I know what PIP is for, thanks, I claim it myself.

It’s her tone that makes her sound pissed off.[/quote]
Really? I've just re-read her very minimal posts and I really don't!

DishingOutDone · 30/08/2021 13:36

For those asking if @Happiestyearofmylife is the person posting several times about her DD's mental health etc in the last 2/3 days - yes its the same person and same posting style every time.

user1471457751 · 30/08/2021 13:37

@CornishPastyDownUnder what makes you think the daughter is skint? She could be claiming around £1000 in benefits each month, depending on what she is eligible for. If she didn't pay any contribution for day to day living expenses, she would have all that as disposable income. All the while her mum struggles with money due to having to support her.

HeckyPeck · 30/08/2021 13:38

@CornishPastyDownUnder

Aye-keep telling yourself [email protected] think profiteering is pretty low when your dd is skint&needs a break-thats what families do,you know-help out where they can🤣maybe do her a favour then&you get a smaller house&she moves somewhere cheaper with less strings attachedHmm
What a bizarre point of view.

Asking someone to cover their own costs is profiteering now? Very strange.

HalzTangz · 30/08/2021 13:48

1200 wouldn't cover a deposit if you want to buy or pay the associated legal fees.

I'm a landlord in the Midlands, for he property we rent out the deposit is just over 700 then a months rent in advance. Tenants also have to pay for a credit report. That alone comes to more than 1200, that's before tenants bills, food etc.
1200 is nowhere near enough for someone saving to move out, especially if they aren't working as they aren't guaranteed to get full rent paid in all areas

FrankGrillosWrist · 30/08/2021 13:48

£1,200 is better than nothing, & a lot when you have nothing. I think you're right to make her pay her way. Don't give any more info out OP, they're nosy cunts on here.

itsgettingwierd · 30/08/2021 13:57

[quote SpaceBethSmith]@itsgettingwierd I do. I’ve had to suspend my final year of my degree and leave my part time job because my 10YO has significant MH issues, ASD and ADHD. The last 18 months have had a huge impact on her. I’m now on unemployment benefits, counting every fucking penny. It’s miserable. But I have to be here for my child 24/7, I’m a lone parent and my ex is fucking useless.

I also have a brother (32) with EUPD and he lives in a small flat next to our Dad, who, fortunately, is self employed and WFH, meaning a close eye can be kept on him.[/quote]
Well wait until 8 years from now when your counsel tax goes back up and you lose WTC and CTC, you're still caring etc. Then judge others who need the child to start contributing to the household. Whether that comes from an actual wage or from the benefits they receive because they are unable to work.

The OP doesn't sound pissed off. You do sound as if you have a chip on your shoulder and a holier than though attitude.

I've been where you are right now. It's horrid. Try to judge others in your shoes who are years ahead of your journey right now.

itsgettingwierd · 30/08/2021 13:58

Try not to judge - that should say.

Annoyedanddissapointed · 30/08/2021 14:00

@HalzTangz

1200 wouldn't cover a deposit if you want to buy or pay the associated legal fees.

I'm a landlord in the Midlands, for he property we rent out the deposit is just over 700 then a months rent in advance. Tenants also have to pay for a credit report. That alone comes to more than 1200, that's before tenants bills, food etc.
1200 is nowhere near enough for someone saving to move out, especially if they aren't working as they aren't guaranteed to get full rent paid in all areas

Tenants aren't supposed to pay for credit checks, are they since 2019?
Pollythecat15 · 30/08/2021 14:21

@x2boys

Well good for you *@pollythecat15* im also a carer for my severely disabled child, his DLA goes towards our general living g expenses otherwise we wouldnt be able to afford rent food etc
Yes my son's goes towards bills too. I wouldn't manage otherwise. I make myself ill worrying about how I'm going to juggle things.
Pollythecat15 · 30/08/2021 14:28

@x2boys

Well good for you *@pollythecat15* im also a carer for my severely disabled child, his DLA goes towards our general living g expenses otherwise we wouldnt be able to afford rent food etc
My son's DLA goes towards bills. Once I have paid rent, food and any other essentials for the children I literally have about £30 left in my bank account. We don't have days out as I can't afford it.
Pollythecat15 · 30/08/2021 14:35

Maybe you're right and I should be charging my daughter something.
It is a struggle every month just to get by.
I am in no way judging anyone else. It's just the experience I had when I was working with my own Mum, but that was different.
I am in a really tough financial position myself and fully sympathise.

ellyeth · 30/08/2021 14:38

If she hasn't always been on benefits then perhaps the savings are from when she had more money, or perhaps she is just very careful with the money she gets. I don't think £1200 is a lot. It is difficult to say whether the £400 a month she is giving you is a lot because I don't know what that covers. However, it sounds quite a lot to me.

jimmyhill · 30/08/2021 14:41

So anyone on benefits must also be on the brink of destitution?

YABVU, OP!

Babyroobs · 30/08/2021 14:47

@Hont1986

If she's on benefits then £400/m is probably over half her income (assuming she's getting UC and has been found not fit for work).

I know MN is generally pro adult kids paying rent but I think that's appalling.

She has PIP on top also. I do think £400 is quite steep also though but does depend what else exactly she is needing to pay out for ?? I also imagine if the daughter has been in hospital for any length of time, the ESA will still have been being paid yet she won't have needed to spend much whilst in hospital.
Grapewrath · 30/08/2021 15:12

Some people live in dreamland. DD is an adult, not a dependant and £400 pcm for all rent and bills plus food is more than reasonable. She’d pay far more elsewhere and OP shouldn’t have to subsidise her adult child if she can’t afford to!

itsgettingwierd · 30/08/2021 15:54

@Grapewrath

Some people live in dreamland. DD is an adult, not a dependant and £400 pcm for all rent and bills plus food is more than reasonable. She’d pay far more elsewhere and OP shouldn’t have to subsidise her adult child if she can’t afford to!
Agree.

My ds gets pip. It comes to me through this choice because he cannot manage budgeting.

I pay for his swimming, phone, clothes, nice toiletries and days out etc

I also work less hours because I need to be there to care for him and if you work you cannot get carers allowance.

When he starts work this year and gets a job we've discussed what will happen as he'll have to contribute to rent, food and bills.

So he either gets his pip and wages and pays for everything himself and contributes towards the bills at £400/500 a month or I continue to get his pip, pay for those things and he contributes £300ish a month.

People just seem to get that raising a disabled child is easier because of tax credits. When they become an adult you lose that. He can claim wtc but not me on a low wage who will remain limited because of caring for him.

And comparing living at home to elsewhere doesn't really work because he couldn't live independently. But if he was to go down that route it would be same rent as I pay here on HA 2 bed for a studio/1 bed. Another set of bills and council tax plus paying for people to come and help him/ company to deliver meals/ cleaner etc.

I'm a much cheaper option WinkGrin

helentomelon · 30/08/2021 15:57

Very tricky as although £400 is cheaper than she'd been paying elsewhere, she won't be getting housing benefit as living with mum it's assumed she's not paying rent. Even though in reality a lot of mum's would need a contribution.

OP - if she wants to save/have more money id get her to look in to moving on to UC. If she can't work she should be getting LCWRA on top.

Another thing to consider if you're renting is to get her on the tenancy then she can claim housing benefit for her half of the rent. Obviously if you own the house you can't do that.

£1200 is a decent amount of savings for someone without an income but whether or not it feels like a lot depends on what she is saving for?

RussianSpy101 · 30/08/2021 16:01

I have a disabled son and don’t get any benefits. I’ve never heard of being entitled to tax credits just because your child has a disability?
My son gets DLA which I put in a savings account for him, for if he is able to living independently in the future.
We pay for independent speech therapy for him as the NHS SALT only sees him once a term.
I can’t imagine ever taking money from my son, who will probably never be able to work. It isn’t his fault he is disabled and that will limit his choices in life with regards employment and independent living. He is my son and I will continue to provide everything he needs for as long as he needs it.

helentomelon · 30/08/2021 16:09

@RussianSpy101

I have a disabled son and don’t get any benefits. I’ve never heard of being entitled to tax credits just because your child has a disability? My son gets DLA which I put in a savings account for him, for if he is able to living independently in the future. We pay for independent speech therapy for him as the NHS SALT only sees him once a term. I can’t imagine ever taking money from my son, who will probably never be able to work. It isn’t his fault he is disabled and that will limit his choices in life with regards employment and independent living. He is my son and I will continue to provide everything he needs for as long as he needs it.
But if you dont get benefits and can afford to save the DLA you must be earning a decent wage and be able to afford to do this for your son?

My dd receives DLA and I'm not working due to my own ill health - that money needs to be spent to look after her.

When she leaves education I'll lose child benefit, child element UC, council tax reduction, child maintenance... I simply couldn't afford to not take some of her benefits off her sadly. As much as I'd love to take your approach.

It sounds like OP needs the contribution so I don't think people should be bashing her for how much she takes from her dd.

SeaDreaming · 30/08/2021 16:10

I don't necessarily agree that the daughter would have to pay out a lot more if she moved out - the rent/council tax/energy/water bills for my 1 bed flat (before taking any benefits/support into account) come to just under £450 pcm all in. I'm on long term PIP and ESA, so my council tax is covered by council tax support, and my rent (which is within the LHA limit) gets paid directly to my landlord; I also get a disability premium with my ESA as a single person living alone.