AIBU to charge my 18yr old a quarter of his wage?

[ILoveMyCaravan]

My son is taking a year off before going to uni next year. He got excellent grades in his GCSEs and A levels. He's got a part time job and seems to work hard. AIBU to ask him for around 1/4 of his take home pay whilst he's living at home for the next year?

We've left it for the first few months of him working as thought he deserved to treat himself when he finished college, but he spends every penny on his girlfriend, clothes, eating out, gym, phone etc he has nothing left at the end of the month. And I'm finding it hard to stand back and watch him be so care free with money.

Tax credits and child benefit stop this month and we will miss that extra money.

I'm only struggling with this decision because I worked p/t from the age of 14 because I wasn't provided for by my parents apart from the basics of having a roof over my head. I had to buy literally everything else that I needed. I don't want him to feel like I did.

I would, and do. But you're going to get posters saying they wouldn't dream of charging their kids to live at home.

Why not if you need the money ? Is 1/4 fair, only you could judge that

Alternatively Could you charge him the amount you feel is fair and actually save it for him, perhaps that would show him how to save. That's my soft touch approach

Tell him he needs to contribute to the household from now on and he should save too. No point frittering every penny away and having nothing when he goes to uni next year. How much does he earn?

I gave my dad £100 a month when I was still living at home. Mum didn't think it was enough but dad refused to charge me any more

I think that's more than fair. All the time I was working and living at home I gave my parents 20% of my take home pay and didn't begrudge it at all, I wanted to contribute towards the household.

Tricky if he is perceivably wasting his money. I’d probably sit him down and explain the importance of saving his wages to have a good chunk for Uni.
Tax credits and child benefit are a bit of a red herring as when he goes to Uni you obviously won’t get any extra money either and he won’t be earning.
I wouldn’t charge him rent but I also wouldn’t stand back and watch him waste money without saying something.

I would take like for like. Charge him for what you’re losing. If that is a quarter then it’s a quarter.

Tricky, do you miss the money or actually need it. He's certainly enjoying his money. Which is something a lot of us can't do. You could look at it this way. One day he may have a mortgage, payments, credit cards to take care of and may not be able to even cover a payment for the gym.

If you really need to the money then it's reasonable to ask. If you don't need it you could even hold on to it as a savings account of sorts and then give it to him later in life perhaps.

I do find it odd that he says he's celebrating finishing college. Does he realise how expensive university is? I was paying £6000 a year in rent and tuition but that was before the sharp increase.

He is young though, lots of growing up to do.

If you need the money then absolutely he needs to pay towards his living costs in the house. How much he pays is really up to you and by extension him. I would settle on a fixed amount and if he wants to and can get more hours then he’ll have more money which is a useful lesson for him to learn.

I have similar with my eldest, who is going to college but has a p/t job. We sit down with his wages on payday and see how much he is going to save depending on what he has on over the next couple of weeks (paid fortnightly). He knows he either saves of his own accord, or I force him to by charging 'rent' and saving it for him. He has chosen to do it himself and enjoys seeing his pot grow. He knows this is the only time in his life he will be able to save without paying any bills!

What we're losing in tax credits and child benefit equates to around 1/4 of his wage. I already had a figure in mind, which is between £250-300 per calendar month.

But when he's spending without any restraint, it's really starting to bug me. We don't have a magic money tree and tbh he eats loads! We ferry him around a lot, pick him up from work if he finishes late, take his girlfriend home. I don't want him to feel like he can't ask for these things, but realistically it's costing us to money to do it.

I've asked him since the beginning to save for uni but he hasn't saved anything.

What if he decides to move out? Then what will you do for the money?

Once he goes to uni then obviously we won't have the extra costs that him living at home brings. We will be OK financially.

Presumably if he moves out, the OP will save a fair bit on food, fuel and other sundry bits and bobs (running the washer less, less heating/lighting etc used).

I paid my Mum 1/3 of my income, she used that for bills and shopping. When I had a strop about that, she changed it but I had to buy ALL my own food and other consumables.

It annoyed me, I didn't get it at the time but in hindsight it did teach me how to budget and shop!

back in 1981 in my first job I had to tip up half my wage before any else (bus fares to work etc) so an quarter would have seemed brilliant

Never paid my parents rent when I lived at home with them, wouldn't expect my kids to pay me anything either.

However, when I was at home and working I did contribute by cleaning and food shopping/making dinner/ordering and paying for the weekly takeaway. I think there are ways that you can make him invest in your family set up without asking him to make up for your shortfall.

If he’s not in education then of course he needs to pay his way.

If you need the money you need the money, just be honest with him.

I think it's fair to expect a contribution, maybe based on the cost of food he eats and petrol. If he wants more money he can look into getting more hours or get another part time job.

I've got a son a similar age, I think I'd definitely take some rent if my son was frittering money away. Personally I think they have to learn that wages aren't always for exciting stuff, so if not making an effort to save I'd probably ask for a contribution (and save it if I could afford to)

Also, it would be good to work full time regardless so he can save up money for university so he has a fund for socialising etc.

I wouldn't charge anything (although admittedly I don't need the money).

I would, however, ask them to pay a monthly amount to me which I would save for them to help pay off their uni fees/put towards a house deposit when they're older.

Yes he should contribute to food, petrol money.

DST (18) pays 20% of whatever he earns in the month. Sometimes it's substantial with overtime but other months it's very little (thanks zero hours contracts!)

Unbeknown to him I'm saving it for when he moves out. However it's been useful to dip into if we get an unexpected bill but I do replace what I borrow.

It's taught him that living expenses do exist and that he's not entitled to a free ride just cos he's living at home.

His job is a 25 hour/week contract with the possibility of extra hours, so I'm also thinking if he has to pay 'rent' and wants more disposable income then he has to work extra for it.

Initially I was just so pleased he'd got himself a job and worked hard that I wanted him to enjoy himself, particularly after the last 18 months with Covid restrictions.

But I am seriously dreading having the conversation with him...