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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What the hell do we do?! (Potential trigger warning)

303 replies

Ninhurt · 29/08/2021 16:42

Dsd has just disclosed to me that she thinks she has been abused. BUT (and I few like a complete monster for saying this) it doesn’t really add up and I’m not sure what to do. I used to be so sure I’d instantly call the police but the details are extremely fuzzy.

For instance dsd said that she thinks a teacher from a hobby when she was younger ‘did something’. She doesn’t know what, and doesn’t remember anything happening. She also said she can’t remember the name of the teacher, then later on said that her older sister had googled him and that he had left the country. She then again said she didn’t know his name (then how did her sister google him?)

She has also named a teacher at her primary school that she said she also thinks ‘did something’. But again, she can’t remember anything that may have happened? Just that she ‘has a feeling’. And she said he hugged her once in the staff room?

Dsd is 19. DH is absolutely distraught and wanted to phone 111 for advice but dsd says she doesn’t want to because she can’t actually remember anything happening. She is absolutely adamant that we can’t tell her mum, but we can tell her aunties and Nan?

I’m not an evil stepmom, we actually have a really good relationship, and I feel awful, but I can’t shake the intuition that this isn’t quite true. Again, I don’t want to think this, but it’s almost like she’s enjoying ‘punishing’ her dads side of the family with this.

DH says we have to leave it (but he and his side of the family are in a complete state). I think we should call the non emergency police number for some sort of advice as you never know. And if it (whatever ‘it’ is) is true then this teacher is now a deputy head at a primary school?

DH and dsd are both very against this idea. I feel extremely unsettled and am worried about dsd wondering what else may be wrong (as I don’t think she’d make something like this up flippantly).

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/09/2021 09:46

The woman is obviously bored and loves being the centre of this shit storm. How well do you know the BF?

How’s MIL doing? How’s DH?

You’re right, you can’t make SD come home anymore than you can stop BF’s mum stoking the fire. Try and focus on other things for now. You did what you could in a really difficult situation and the harsh words and elevated emotions flying around around aren’t helping anyone.

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 02/09/2021 18:32

We haven’t done anything and apart from sending dsd a message (she wouldn’t answer any calls) saying that we love her and are here whenever she needs us. To be honest it feels like whatever we do it is going to be the wrong thing.

It may be that nothing seems right. She's clearly lashing out at those closest to her. Unfortunately that's quite common. You've done the right thing by letting her know you're there for her.

How are you holding up? How's DH? This is obviously a very fraught time for all of you.

Justilou1 · 03/09/2021 02:03

Interesting that boyfriend is new. I imagine that he and his mum have been told a lot of dreadful things about DSD’s family life so that she can be “rescued” by them. This will fit her current narrative perfectly and once again remove the need to step up and take responsibility for her own life while she “recovers”. I do think this manipulative behaviour is definitely a MH problem. She may also have been SA in the past and become incredibly traumatized as a result. I don’t think it can be excluded, but I am also not sure her recollections are 100% accurate either.

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