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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend has decided to charge me to stay

999 replies

ploomo · 29/08/2021 13:25

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

OP posts:

MistressoftheDarkSide · 30/08/2021 20:07

Have rtft and yet people are still making the issue the plus 1 ??

The last update clears that up and suggests there are things going on we don't know.....

Glad it has all been resolved amicably in an adult fashion.

As for Minty and Giles, does anyone else see them as that cartoon tweedy retired couple that feature in one of the broadsheets and there's a calendar..... it was the Aga reference that did it for me

godmum56 · 30/08/2021 20:09

sounds to me like the husband logged onto her account and sent the email.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/08/2021 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Gitfeatures · 30/08/2021 20:15

You're getting the money back for the Whiskey, right?

Sunnylands27 · 30/08/2021 20:16

Totally agree with @Zombiemum1946
Being so late in the day you haven’t budgeted for the cost. If you really do want to go then definitely explain to your friend & see if they are able to go halves - they may also not have budgeted for this so if they aren’t able to pay I’d cancel & tell your friend you’ll do some activities/ days out near home.
Re the inviters.. I think they’ve stewed on it after you invited a friend & decided against their generosity due to that.
Overall, I think I’d cancel just because it might cause some anxiety & even some tension whilst there, especially if you’ve got the dynamic of having your friend & the couple, trying to make sure all get along etc. I’d simply explain to the couple that you hadn’t budgeted for it but will book with them in the future when you can spend some time as a 3.. that way they know your reasoning but that you still want a friendship & to spend quality time with them. Plus, you can have a week off chilling & drinking the whisky

LizzieW1969 · 30/08/2021 20:16

@godmum56

That sounds like the likeliest explanation to me, too. It would explain Minty’s embarrassment about it when the OP called her.

NorthLodgeAvenue · 30/08/2021 20:20

Dear old Minty, she's never been the same since the shrapnel misfortune.
Still Giles dons the pinny with a certain aplomb is has to be said.

callmeadoctor · 30/08/2021 20:27

@so750

I lost all sympathy with the couple when OP mentioned that they have complained about not getting tax relief on their pensions after the first £million.

Mmmmm Op seems to know a lot about them and yet not enough to know that they may want to charge for their cottage.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 30/08/2021 20:29

Just been googling to find the cartoon I mean. Came up blank. Got tweetie pie for tweedy......

Can anyone help a gal out ???

MaMelon · 30/08/2021 20:31

@NorthLodgeAvenue

Dear old Minty, she's never been the same since the shrapnel misfortune. Still Giles dons the pinny with a certain aplomb is has to be said.

Poor old Minty. Are we allowed to ask about the shrapnel misfortune or is that a Pandora’s box that remains closed in company?

TwoLeftElbows · 30/08/2021 20:31

Nicely done OP. Glad to see a thread where the protagonists actually talk to each other like adults and more importantly, also listen. It sounds like you've made the right decision for both you and for your Settle friend, and for keeping the friendship. Norfolk is a great place for a holiday.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 30/08/2021 20:32

So I think it's an okay ending. I think everyone can walk away feeling phew, lucky escape. I had a large gin before making the call, by the way, and now a glass of wine so if this seems a bit incoherent it is.

I'm so relieved for you, OP as it sounded like a good friendship that has stood the test of time and that this was a very unusual blip that had to involve some poor communication/crossed lines or agenda somewhere along the way.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 30/08/2021 20:33

Dear old Minty, she's never been the same since the shrapnel misfortune.
Still Giles dons the pinny with a certain aplomb is has to be said.

Overall, it still remains an odd thing for a goat to have done considering how fond Giles is of Beethoven.

Zombiemum1946 · 30/08/2021 20:34

Glad it was resolved op.

sunglassesonthetable · 30/08/2021 20:43

Yep well done OP. Being straightforward and talking it out with Settle mates👏🏼

I'm sure you were just as straightforward when you asked about your friend coming along. I think the friend was a bit of a red herring in all this tbh.

me4real · 30/08/2021 20:44

Sounds from your update that it was partly 'just one of those things.'

Also the couple sound kind of socially awkward or not very sociable. Saying someone else sent the email was presumably a lie.

They're not giving off welcoming or sociable vibes. I would wait for them to put some effort into the friendship before getting in touch with them much again.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 30/08/2021 20:48

500 in September is a little excessive

SpringlikeBunk · 30/08/2021 20:49

Arf at no-one taking responsibility and owning up to the "vulgar money-grabbing e-mail".

Posh people are so classy they don't care about money!

(how did they get so rich? )

spongedog · 30/08/2021 20:53

Well done OP! The conversation might not have answered all questions but it certainly allows the friendship to continue positively.

Trulyhadenough · 30/08/2021 21:00

You totally changed the situation by inviting another person , which is frankly ill- mannered towards your (now erstwhile?) friends .They are probably upset that you were no longer going to visit them , but using their cottage to go on holiday with somebody else . Arguably they should have let you know this had upset them , but the introduction of a third party was the cause if this dilemma.

adeleh · 30/08/2021 21:02

Well handled, OP. Enjoy whiskey and charcuterie!
I’d get the thread deleted - it's quite identifying.

Tiana4 · 30/08/2021 21:04

So they weren't being last minute outbid character greedy or trying to give mixed messages- but had instead double booked the cottage and thinking of paying for alternative Accomodation to put you up in. Why they couldn't say that in the first place?!

Would have been so much easier if they'd told you'd they'd double booked and ask if you wanted them to book a different nearby place that you paid for. (Or paid towards as it sounds)

All's well that ends well. Quite right up cancel it as it was all a mess up. Sounds like you have a lot of fun planned with nothoingtogreece friend.
Sounds far more relaxing

Tiana4 · 30/08/2021 21:07

*out of character I meant

QueenBee52 · 30/08/2021 21:12

@dcthatsme

Sounds like you've avoided a minefield...Have a lovely time in Wells!

definitely 🌸

CharityDingle · 30/08/2021 21:19

Well done, OP. Have a great holiday. Enjoy the whiskey

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