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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has decided to charge me to stay

999 replies

ploomo · 29/08/2021 13:25

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

OP posts:
Fluffmum · 30/08/2021 22:32

Cancel it make up an excuse

OhThatChicken · 30/08/2021 22:33

@ploomo You might want to get this deleted ASAP.

Dasher789 · 30/08/2021 22:33

Well done @ploomo - sometimes the best thing to do is pick up the phone. I hope this hasn't soured the friendship, it seems like a whole lot of cross signals on side of your friend but with best of intentions

TheChip · 30/08/2021 22:38

Oh dear. I hope if your friends see the article that it doesn't cause any upset. Especially after you sorted it all!

Alternista · 30/08/2021 22:39

Reporting in the hope MNHQ will pull it.

Meraas · 30/08/2021 22:43

@Alternista

Reporting in the hope MNHQ will pull it.
It’s not your decision, only OP can ask for it to be deleted.
wellstopdoingitthen · 30/08/2021 22:43

Glad it's sorted & they've finally been honest.

If I were your 'not going to Greece' friend I would be very relived!

Have a wonderful break. 🍹

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 30/08/2021 22:44

Might be too late. ☹️

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 30/08/2021 22:47

It would have been so much better had they just been upfront with you, I don’t understand why they weren’t. People double book things all the time, it happens.
Anyway at least you can move on now. Have a lovely time away OP!

Alternista · 30/08/2021 22:47

Thank you Meraas, ive been here a long time and know how it works and I don’t believe i said I thought it was my decision?

The night watch could hide it till the OP can decide in the morning what she wants to do. That would be kind.

TheChip · 30/08/2021 22:48

I dont think pulling the thread will help much. The story is very specific.

taxiforme · 30/08/2021 22:51

We have a cottage in a rather nice part if Devon which we don't rent out but we do allow our friends and families to use.

It costs to have people stay at your property. Simple. You need specific insurance, gas safety and over the past 18 months, you should have a covid safe clean, property. Added to this, gardening and general maintenance. Heating in winter, particularly.

One couple, cost us more in one weeks gas bill than the whole of the previous 12 months put together.

Here is the rub where I think you went wrong. You invited a friend, unknown to your host, to stay. This changed the arrangement into a commercial one.

lucie82 · 30/08/2021 22:52

I've just seen a friend has posted the link to the story and she lives in settle. I'm sorry OP but you might not be getting your holiday wether you have to pay or not unfortunately as it's been leaked to the press. Unless your friends don't have Facebook and are unlikely to see it.

wingsanddreams · 30/08/2021 22:58

Your hosts are upset. Bringing your friend, a stranger, would totally change the dynamics of the relationship. Your hosts wouldn't be able to have quality time exclusively with you, and now feel let down as you are effectively going on a holiday with your friend.

Sometimes it's just a little misunderstanding, not because people are evil. If it was me, I'd still go, just split bills with my friend. And make sure I spend enough quality time with my hosts so they realise I'm not using them. It's not worth losing a friend over £500.

phishy · 30/08/2021 23:01

@wingsanddreams you are filling up the thread needlessly by not RTFT.

MurielSpriggs · 30/08/2021 23:02

@TheChip

I dont think pulling the thread will help much. The story is very specific.
I think the horse has already bolted. To be fair with the quite specific details in the story, the town and the wide reach of Mumsnet the thread was likely to have been brought to the cottage owner's attention one way or another.

(I'm afraid the paper has used a very unflattering stock photo of a wooden hut to represent the cottage Grin)

smallgoon · 30/08/2021 23:03

@wingsanddreams

Your hosts are upset. Bringing your friend, a stranger, would totally change the dynamics of the relationship. Your hosts wouldn't be able to have quality time exclusively with you, and now feel let down as you are effectively going on a holiday with your friend.

Sometimes it's just a little misunderstanding, not because people are evil. If it was me, I'd still go, just split bills with my friend. And make sure I spend enough quality time with my hosts so they realise I'm not using them. It's not worth losing a friend over £500.

RTFT
EspressoDoubleShot · 30/08/2021 23:06

Just think this will be online in perpetuity. Your friends will see it, their family will see it

phishy · 30/08/2021 23:07

@EspressoDoubleShot

Just think this will be online in perpetuity. Your friends will see it, their family will see it
So what?
MurielSpriggs · 30/08/2021 23:11

@EspressoDoubleShot

Just think this will be online in perpetuity. Your friends will see it, their family will see it
I think you may have misunderstood how Mumsnet works Grin
EspressoDoubleShot · 30/08/2021 23:13

So what? You’re doing the so what Yea but no but…
The so what is the op has discussed an identifiable issue that will identify the hosts. It’s online. It’ll be seen by multiple others

EspressoDoubleShot · 30/08/2021 23:15

I have not misunderstood the story is online, searchable
Sure the mn story will be deleted but the other outlets can pick it up
It’s quite specific and referenced some potentially identifiable details

sheridanstar · 30/08/2021 23:17

£500 for a weeks electricity? What do they think you are doing, setting up a bitcoin rig or something?!

sunglassesonthetable · 30/08/2021 23:19

Expresso - why are you angry? Take a breath .

MakeMathsFun · 30/08/2021 23:20

@MrsPworkingmummy

I agree with the above poster. Taking a friend has complicated matters. The hosts wanted YOU to go and spend time/enjoy the property with them. Now you're taking a friend, the dynamics have changed. I think £500 a week is reasonable and both you and your friend should contribute.
Over a month ago they agrred to take the friend for free: "They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs."

They had a month to change their mind. No, a contact is a contract, friends or business. Once agreed, it is wrong to go back on that.