Friend has decided to charge me to stay

[ploomo]

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

OMG the scummy lazy gutter journalists strike again

I reckon there’s a good chance the OP’s friends won’t see it. nobody reads that shite.

Nah, I’m not biting
Maybe ask if I’m on glue? That’s a mn classic

whatevs👍🏻🙄 Expresso

Oh most sincerely a whatevs, glad you suggested it

@lucie82

I've just seen a friend has posted the link to the story and she lives in settle. I'm sorry OP but you might not be getting your holiday wether you have to pay or not unfortunately as it's been leaked to the press. Unless your friends don't have Facebook and are unlikely to see it.

No need to worry. My Settle friends don't live in Settle.

Ah that’s ok then

I hope the good folk of Settle have fun trying to work out who's who and that no one is traduced in the process.

Glad this got sorted with your phone call. It sounds like the best solution all round. Norfolk or Devon with vast amounts of whisky and charcuterie sounds fun (ideally with some good weather too). And you won't have to pack your bedlinen.

this is like midsomer murders on speed

Hmm I still wouldn't feel very happy with their explanation. If it was a genuine mistaken 'double booking' then why not say so in the first place? Instead of all that crap about giving you a discount on the full price, (when they'd pressed you to be their guest), and all that bollox about you leaving it cleaner than you find it. Putting obligations on you as well as money grubbing.

Greedy rich people, as a pp said. You've been a good friend and I don't think what they've done is honest or very nice, TBH.

You don't have to have a dramatic falling out (well obviously that's not your style anyway) but honestly I'd just fade the friendship out, respond to messages less frequently, be 'busy' etc. I don't think they're the friends you thought they were.

@ploomo

I hope the good folk of Settle have fun trying to work out who's who and that no one is traduced in the process.

lol 😂

ploomo I am so glad things ended up ok. Well done. Enjoy your holiday.

Thank you. I would have told you where we're going but the Wells-by-the-Sea Gazette might put a reporter on the story.

1. This is the most English thing I’ve ever heard.

People from any other country would have been able to solve it much sooner by simply telling each other what’s going on. ‘Sorry, you can’t come this weekend’ would have sufficed.

1. Cannot believe how hostile most of MN is to the idea of meeting friends of friends. I always say yes if people ask if they can bring a friend and have never regretted it. The lack of curiosity (#notall) you miserable people have is thoroughly depressing. I don’t end up best friends with every tag along guest who comes here but the net result of years of this approach is that I have a lot of friends.

1. I’m so sick of baby boomers, though these ones did eventually redeem themselves

1. Hope all parties appreciate the fact they are fabulously rich :)

@ploomo

Thank you. I would have told you where we're going but the Wells-by-the-Sea Gazette might put a reporter on the story.

You did the right thing 🌸

I’m so sick of baby boomers, though these ones did eventually redeem themselves

What does that have to do with anything?

You are not being unreasonable

Cannot believe how hostile most of MN is to the idea of meeting friends of friends. I always say yes if people ask if they can bring a friend and have never regretted it. The lack of curiosity (#notall) you miserable people have is thoroughly depressing. I don’t end up best friends with every tag along guest who comes here but the net result of years of this approach is that I have a lot of friends.

Mumsnet is a veritable hotbed of social anxiety, competitive introversion and anti-social oneupmanship. Beyond depressing.

A couple of years ago, just before COVID-19, we made the mistake of staying with friends for a long weekend. Let's just say if we ever end up in that part of the country again we'll stay in a hotel. Or a caravan. Or sleep in the car rather than stay with those friends again. While they weren't in the same financial league as the OP, or her friends, they were much better off than we are currently. (Hasn't always been that way round but hey, for most of us the wheel of fortune spins both ways.) I did get lots of material for a future comedy drama murder novel I will one day write, but this thread has had me in stitches for the similarities. Not to mention Giles and Minty. And the icing on the cake is the Settle reporter thinking they'd got a scoop. Am I the only one who thinks this should be put in classics?!

Glad you phoned them and I think the reasons they gave you sound perfectly realistic - I also suspect the whole situation with the money etc. was driven by possibly the DIL/son rather than the OP's friends.

Anyway - withdrawing from going to theirs has solved their problem, saved you some money (hopefully!) and you have salvaged the friendship to a large extent.

However, I would have another chat with them and suggest that in future they just TELL you what the problem is instead of creating this situation again!

It’s unacceptable of them to go back on this. But, now it will affect your relationship and leave a bad taste. I’d pay the money and distance yourself from them in the future

@phishy, facepalm. I must say, the story is far, far less abrupt in Yorkshire than Washington. I thought she was taking it quite calmly! Will serve me right for skimming (after reading news story about covid in Seattle, to be fair).

Good on you for phoning them. These things happen, but it probably would have been easier if they'd just said. Have a great holiday with your friend.