Friend has decided to charge me to stay

[ploomo]

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

I disagree. If someone offered me (what was initially) a feee holiday, they’d have had a decent gift.

To turn up with a bottle of plonk and a pack of pepperoni would be insulting.

I think it's nice to take gifts. So what?

Free not feeee

Your most recent update suggests that it’s possibly not a paying guest who’s interested in the property, but family. Chance to see grandchildren again might trump old friend.

It's not a holiday cottage business. A quick look at FB for the last three months confirms lots of photos of their children and grandchildren and friends, some of whom I know, with mentions of how wonderful it is to have X and Y staying this week.

I think you will find it's other posters who thought it was a business and I assumed they had picked up something from your posts I'd missed.

They aren't the friends you thought they were.

Sorry.

@EspressoDoubleShot

It’s OTT and conspicuously too much. Attention seeking

Not at all - it's perfectly normal and shows she is grateful.

The small matter of say from beginning what you want, stop faffing about behind manners, and expectation
Friend doesn’t equate to ignore an imbalance or both parties wishes because we are friends.
This is and was wholly avoidable

jingling

They aren't the friends you thought they were

For me - that is absolutely it in a nutshell.

shows she is grateful yes you nailed it. Shows,the conspicuous act of loook, I’m showing my gratitude. I’m showing and I want praise

Everything was said at the beginning - did you not read the OP and subsequent posts?

You're tying yourself up in knots in your desperation to say YABU.

I've told my friend what's happened and she thinks it's quite funny and wants to pay the £500. She says it'll be worth it to torture them gently. She suggested we sit and drink the whisky in front of them.

I like your friend.

Having read that you have hosted their DD and DGC at no small inconvenience to yourself, I think you should send them a retrospective bill for this. 300 miles worth of petrol alone must add up,

The small matter of say from beginning what you want, stop faffing about behind manners, and expectation

Exactly. Leaving it a month to say actually you did want payment is crap.

And leave it as long as you can before you respond.

@EspressoDoubleShot

shows she is grateful yes you nailed it. Shows,the conspicuous act of loook, I’m showing my gratitude. I’m showing and I want praise

What on earth are you on about? The definition of grateful and gratitude is not 'I want praise'

shows she is grateful yes you nailed it. Shows,the conspicuous act of loook, I’m showing my gratitude. I’m showing and I want praise

you are trying too hard here.

It definitely sounds like they've got an offer of a rental for that week, and that's why the sudden decision o charge you and the need for a speedy reply.
Which makes me wonder what they would have done if OP was going on her own as per the original discussion. Would they have sprung payment on her while she was there (having glugged the whisky and scarfed the cold cuts obviously).

The question of whether they thought OP was cheeky is redundant now because that clearly wasn't a problem for them initially.

I'd personally just decline the offer, and say you'll catch up with them another time (and if you do don't stay in their cottage). And go somewhere else with you other friend (who sounds like good fun unlike other friends you could mention !).

I think it’s resolved for both, and they they need to decide how (if) they maintain the friendship
I’d not fall out over this, I think it was avoidable, not worth holding a gripe about though

Cancel 🌸

OP, wait, you have visitors ??? staying ??? and more than one !!
well, you're quids in then. get the ready-reckoner out pronto.

Conspicuously giving an expensive or showy gift is about the giver and the recipient
The giver wants the ohhhh gosh! You shouldn’t have and to be thought of as a terrific and generous person. hopefully the gift will get referenced in future. Oh she’s soooo generous, she gave whisky, and gammon, and it was super

@EspressoDoubleShot

It’s OTT and conspicuously too much. Attention seeking

you’re having a very strange reaction to a standard house guest gift (a nice bottle of something and some nibbles)

@EspressoDoubleShot

Conspicuously giving an expensive or showy gift is about the giver and the recipient The giver wants the ohhhh gosh! You shouldn’t have and to be thought of as a terrific and generous person. hopefully the gift will get referenced in future. Oh she’s soooo generous, she gave whisky, and gammon, and it was super

You're really grasping at straws there

I’m not sure I would want to maintain a friendship with those who put a price on their hospitality.

Especially not after they had accepted their friend’s hospitality and favours which were freely given.

Conspicuously giving an expensive or showy gift is about the giver and the recipient
The giver wants the ohhhh gosh! You shouldn’t have and to be thought of as a terrific and generous person. hopefully the gift will get referenced in future. Oh she’s soooo generous, she gave whisky, and gammon, and it was super

Really?

You seem a bit weird now over a house gift.

Do you ever give gifts @EspressoDoubleShot ?