Friend has decided to charge me to stay

[ploomo]

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

That's if the hosts are actually friends rather than useful acquaintances.

useful acquaintances,
that OP has put up, bed and board several times,
and their daughter plus toddler when in dire straits, so unplanned,
and emotional and practical support to same,
driving 300 miles to deliver to theirs, without even staying herself, ...
all in all, and omitting to render her invoice for services, facilities and vittals.

Hosts,They did the fake politeness dance. Oh no,we couldn’t possibly charge you
OP did the fake politeness dance I'll pay of course expecting not to have to pay
The hosts then came back to request payment. Probably having thought about it and what’d they could attain if it were rented out

Even if they regretted saying it was for free then you come back to OP straight away and tell them they’ll accept the offer of payment. That would still be awkward but not as much. To wait over a month near the time to then ask for payment is bad. Arrangements have been made.

I really don’t think the people saying what a great deal this is would have the same opinion if they were in the situation where a friend had said they could get something for free and then a month later the friend says they want X money for it.

you didn't make it clear at the start of your thread that their cottage is a holiday cottage business. You implied it was in their garden and used for friends like you.

I thought it was clear. In her OP, she said:

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week

Hosts,They did the fake politeness dance. Oh no,we couldn’t possibly charge you
OP did the fake politeness dance I'll pay of course expecting not to have to pay
The hosts then came back to request payment. Probably having thought about it and what’d they could attain if it were rented out

Yep, they probably did.

Just makes them seem like "fake, politeness friends" though.

Exactly @LittleMimi - you don’t wait a month and then come back with a request for £500, especially when the OP has hosted you and helped you in difficult circumstances in the past. So rude.

See if you can find an air bnb in the area that's cheaper. Get a refund on the whiskey.
Honestly I can't see what their reasoning is. One more person isn't going to be much more than if you were there on your own.

@milkyaqua

you didn't make it clear at the start of your thread that their cottage is a holiday cottage business. You implied it was in their garden and used for friends like you.

I thought it was clear. In her OP, she said:

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week

Not really.

Her first paragraph shows a history of staying for no charge.

The fact they are letting it out now as a business doesn't seem to be historical- more a new venture.

Anyway they are mean.

I also think @ploomo ought to be careful with how much she reveals. Settle is a very small place and it's not impossible people will know who she means as she's given rather a lot of information about her friends.

OP - If you are going to mess your 'friends' around even further and decide not to go, then tell them today so they have some chance of renting their cottage out to genuine holidaymakers.

Honestly, you started this debacle with your CF request to turn your visit as a guest into a holiday for you and a friend.

Still haven't heard you say why you offered to pay full price and are now so upset at the idea of paying half price?

Wring your hands and bleating about posh gifts is irrelevant as you haven't given them yet anyway.

@JinglingHellsBells her opening paragaraph shows a history of being invited to stay without charge. Not actually staying without charge.

That's a bit of cheek from your friends. The last minute turnaround on charging.

Can you return the whisky and cancel the charcuterie plate? If you're still set on going, I'd buy a nice box of M&S chocolates for £15, then I'd have dinner with them the first night and then treat it like any holiday venue and keep your interactions with the owner to a minimum.

It's a shame they've commercialised their friendship. It sounds like it's soured the relationship going forward.

Nice message from Honeymare.

But to pick up on some of the other comments - the OP didn't "blindside" the friends, she EMAILED them. That allows MOST sane people the opportunity to consider their response before they send it - it's not like being called on the phone and being put on the spot.

They EMAILED back that they were happy to have friend, free of charge, any friend of OP's is a friend of theirs etc. Then waited a month before changing their mind.

I think they've had an offer to rent the place for the week that the OP booked for, and rather than lose the whole £1000 by refusing, they've decided to recoup some of it from the OP.
Which is why the OP should cancel.

[quote cricketmum84]@JinglingHellsBells her opening paragaraph shows a history of being invited to stay without charge. Not actually staying without charge. [/quote]
Pardon? Charges or not are not in that paragraph. There is nothing in Para 1 to suggest they let out their 2-bed cottage.

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

If I offered a friend part of my property for free, and they then decided to bring another person, there is NO WAY I would suddenly charge for the use of the property! Also - £500 for a week, charged to a friend - that is truly insane.
It does seem like they are put out that you are brining a friend. But that is petty and unreasonable, and their £500 charge seems nothing but nasty spite. I don't think I'd be counting these people as friends anymore, and I'd probably cancel the trip - or book different accommodation!

Not really.

Her first paragraph shows a history of staying for no charge.

No, her first para shows a history of invitations. The fourth para makes it clear that as well as inviting family and friends to stay, it is let out for 1000 a week during the summer.

[quote cricketmum84]@JinglingHellsBells her opening paragaraph shows a history of being invited to stay without charge. Not actually staying without charge. [/quote]
yes. she has never stayed there.

ploomo… have you said anything to them yet?

I’m hoping for the sake of the friendship this can be resolved, bad feelings dissolved. It sounds really uncomfortable. I don’t think it’s funny and I think drinking the whisky in front of them will be a phyrric victory.

It sounds to me like a misunderstanding that needs to be talked out openly, without acrimony.

drop them.
covid prevents you coming.
go and enjoy yourself with real friends.

Not end of, given how many people on this thread disagree. OP has done nothing cheeky

^I agree with this. Those saying that the OP has been a CF are determined to make out that this is the verdict of the thread. It really isn’t! There’s a 50/50 divide and neither side has moved an inch. So no, it isn’t ‘the end’ by any stretch.

@milkyaqua

you didn't make it clear at the start of your thread that their cottage is a holiday cottage business. You implied it was in their garden and used for friends like you.

I thought it was clear. In her OP, she said:

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week

It has been used for free by family and friends over the summer and the owners have also rented it out occasionally. It's not advertised anywhere (I've googled) so I presume it's just rented out by world of mouth or maybe via other people passing on details.

By the way, I'm pretty sure I said 'in the Settle area' —intended more to give an idea of the general area rather than an exact location.

I've had a polite message from them saying it would be helpful if I could reach a decision sooner rather than later, which does make me think that someone's approached them wanting to rent the place for the week I'm there. I will phone them later today, when my visitors are gone and I can guarantee half-an-hour's peace and quiet.

@milkyaqua

Not really.

Her first paragraph shows a history of staying for no charge.

No, her first para shows a history of invitations. The fourth para makes it clear that as well as inviting family and friends to stay, it is let out for 1000 a week during the summer.

I think this is getting too much into semantics.

She implied she had stayed by saying that for 5 years since 2016 she had been invited. It could be read either way that she had or had not stayed. She didn't say she had not stayed.

And also, lots of people are cashing in on the UK holiday trade this year. I thought she meant it was only this summer they had started letting it out. Not an established letting business.

It was the way she wrote 'We are so lucky to have this place and we want to share it with you.'

That doesn't suggest it was a business or they would charge her for it.

Ah, so after your update I was more or less on the right track. Let out free to friends and family, and occasional letting this summer for income.

If I were you I'd not go.

They want to make money and they are making it sound as if they are offering you a bargain.

The only way you can make this work from now on is to accept you are not a friend who is having a freebie, but another paying guest.

Clearly, they would rather have £500 than maintain a friendship, so I'd detach myself from them.

So call tell them to rent to tourists and reschedule visit (if you want to see them)
In all fairness they can’t be expected to pass up a rental income of £1k to accommodate you at half price

@ploomo the fact they want a quick answer is pretty indicative that they have had an offer from someone wanting to rent.
I think the graceful thing is to bow out otherwise they will be resentful that they lost half their income and you'll be resentful about paying.

Actually they’ve offered you an easy out without any daft blustery excuses
Both parties can emerge from this unscathed and not at a financial loss