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Original poster

Friend has decided to charge me to stay

999 replies

ploomo · 29/08/2021 13:25

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 30/08/2021 09:37

@malificent7

Cancel but i do wonder why you had to invite a friend too. I'm sure your friend is lovely but this has happened to me...made me feel like i wasnt worth much alone as company.
She isn't staying their home. She is staying in a separate cottage. The OP has said they like their own space and make their families stay in the separate cottages when they visit.

Given the hatred of guests by most people on here I'm surprised at that. Does anyone want guests to provide company?

Grimbelina · 30/08/2021 09:42

Lanique I also think you might well be right about the Lady Bountiful etc...

Soverymuchfruit · 30/08/2021 09:48

If they are such good old friends you should call them and talk to them. Tell them something of how they've made you feel. Hear what they have to say. Before you've decided what you're eventually going to do.

SunShinesBrightly · 30/08/2021 09:51

If I invited a friend of mine to stay I wouldn’t expect them to bring their own friend with them. Annex or no annex.

I think their change of heart is due to the fact that they think you are no longer using their holiday home to visit them but instead, using it to have a holiday with your other friend.

teaandcrumpets35 · 30/08/2021 09:54

@Bluntness100 your point would make total sense had the OP not already had the conversation about paying for the stay and was told not to worry about it.

It would be one thing to turn up with a friend unexpectedly and still expect a free holiday. To acknowledge it might change thy dynamic, offer to pay, get told no only to have a £500 bill whacked on them at the last minute is piss poor by the hosts. They have back tracked. As is their right, but it still makes them look pretty shitty in my view. They should have thought about the situation properly at the time it was mentioned not changed their minds so close to the holiday and put the op in such a difficult situation.

As pp said, it sounds like maybe a friend or relative has been in their ear telling them they should be charging.

SunShinesBrightly · 30/08/2021 09:54

Just to add, I would cancel.
It’s too complicated.

Spend the £500 on somewhere you have chosen to go yourself.

DoubleTweenQueen · 30/08/2021 10:01

For possibly the first time, I find myself in complete agreement with @Bluntness100
GrinFlowers

Odisia · 30/08/2021 10:01

Sunshinesbrightly you explained it much better than I did. I think that's exactly what's happened.

Summerbreeze4 · 30/08/2021 10:02

Despite what you say about welcoming friends, the change in your friends attitude clearly shows that this is not how they feel.

If a friend was visiting ‘me’, I would be both insulted and very hurt if they asked to bring a friend as it would immediately cha be the dynamic from visiting me to using me for free lodgings, that is just how it would be to me and obviously to your friend, despite her initial, any friend of yours is a friend of mine and I think the £500 is for your friends half.

I think you need to pick up the phone and have a chat.

teaandcrumpets35 · 30/08/2021 10:05

Also to add, if you can't afford to or don't want to take the trip anymore I would say 'I appreciate the reduced rate but as you initially said that the boarding was free I haven't budgeted for an extra £500, I'm really sorry but will have to cancel this time and hopefully get together again soon.'

I can't believe how many posters are totally ignoring the blatant back tracking of the hosts. Are you honestly saying that if you were offered a free holiday then told at the last minute that actually you have to pay you wouldn't be a bit annoyed?

Larryyourwaiter · 30/08/2021 10:06

Like a PP said, it’s not fair to ask you to pay and then ask to be good guests. It will end up costing you as much as the full rate.
I would say ‘sorry we committed the money elsewhere now so will have to turn the offer down’.

phishy · 30/08/2021 10:08

@callmeadoctor

But the OP telling them now that she will get back to them in a few days is unnecessarily mean.
Why? It’s not unreasonable to want some time to think after beung unexpectedly asked for £500 a MONTH after you asked to bring a friend.
spoons123 · 30/08/2021 10:08

I think it's all down to the money, pure and simple.

The OP has hosted these friends numerous times, free of charge. She also put up their daughter and grandchild for nothing when they had a crisis and drove them hundreds of miles to safety.

The OP reasonably believed that the dynamic of their friendship meant the couple would be also be OK with her other friend joining in, just as she had welcomed their family members.

I don't believe any offence has been caused by taking the friend along. The couple probably had an enquiry from the public for that week so think they are now justified in charging.

Go somewhere else.

DrGoogleSaysSo · 30/08/2021 10:09

I think they were put on a spot when you first asked about bringing a friend and said yes but later decided that they should set a precedent so in the future you wouldn't expect to bring a friend for free. If this situation is making you uncomfortable, you should cancel and go somewhere else with your friend so you can truly enjoy your time off.

phishy · 30/08/2021 10:12

@Bluntness100

It doesn’t Matter if it’s standard practice in your society, the invite wasn’t for plus one. It’s not about you. And very few people invite a stranger whose only a mate to stay in someone’s house for a week when going to visit them. It might be fine in your society to bring your mates to stay in peoples houses, but it’s not for most of us

And the op knew, she knew fine well. That’s why she offered rent. When the host then said yes fine I’ll take it, she’s got pissed off.

But the time to ask for the £500 was when OP asked to bring a friend, or within a few days of it.

It’s unacceptable and shitty behaviour to demand £500 a MONTH after being asked to bring a friend and agreeing to it. And what’s more, they agreed to it fulsomely, if they had been hesitant, OP says she would have backed off straight away.

These people lack manners and I wouldn’t stay with them a day let alone a week.

OP, I hope you and your friend find a lovely holiday elsewhere.

phishy · 30/08/2021 10:13

@DrGoogleSaysSo

I think they were put on a spot when you first asked about bringing a friend and said yes but later decided that they should set a precedent so in the future you wouldn't expect to bring a friend for free. If this situation is making you uncomfortable, you should cancel and go somewhere else with your friend so you can truly enjoy your time off.
A MONTH is not ‘later’, a month is 4 weeks of lost time that OP could have used to book elsewhere.
phishy · 30/08/2021 10:13

@spoons123

I think it's all down to the money, pure and simple.

The OP has hosted these friends numerous times, free of charge. She also put up their daughter and grandchild for nothing when they had a crisis and drove them hundreds of miles to safety.

The OP reasonably believed that the dynamic of their friendship meant the couple would be also be OK with her other friend joining in, just as she had welcomed their family members.

I don't believe any offence has been caused by taking the friend along. The couple probably had an enquiry from the public for that week so think they are now justified in charging.

Go somewhere else.

I missed this bit. They really are free loading cunts.
Heliachi · 30/08/2021 10:14

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cactijones · 30/08/2021 10:18

I think ifs so cheeky of them to change their mind at the last minute. You offered and offered and they said no and now have decided to charge you. Pure greed

Brighterblighter · 30/08/2021 10:18

Op covid.

Just say one of you has covid symptoms and can't go and leave it at that.

Please don't put yourself or your friend through this as it's now the worst of all worlds!! You have to pay.. You feel bad they feel your only paying half but like you said expect cleaning etc!

It's a horrid situation and the problem is... Something in them has triggered this request and unfortunately. They still think they are doing you a massive favour so will be watching out for any signs of further pis taking from you... You can't win don't go.

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2021 10:18

But the time to ask for the £500 was when OP asked to bring a friend, or within a few days of it.

I think they were put on the spot. They’ve said they reconsidered.

Don’t get me wrong I’d not charge but clearly bringing the friend has changed it totally for them. They are likely pissed that the op and her mate want to use it just as a free holiday. It’s not about coming to see them anymore.

I think some people are getting very aggressive and overly emotional, I mean “free loading cunts” really?

Heliachi · 30/08/2021 10:20

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phishy · 30/08/2021 10:20

@Bluntness100

But the time to ask for the £500 was when OP asked to bring a friend, or within a few days of it.

I think they were put on the spot. They’ve said they reconsidered.

Don’t get me wrong I’d not charge but clearly bringing the friend has changed it totally for them. They are likely pissed that the op and her mate want to use it just as a free holiday. It’s not about coming to see them anymore.

I think some people are getting very aggressive and overly emotional, I mean “free loading cunts” really?

Taking a month to reconsider is bloody rude.

Yes people who stay in other people’s homes for free and then demand money from that person when they invite them to stay are free loading cunts.

DoubleTweenQueen · 30/08/2021 10:20

Again - it is very bad manners indeed for a person invited to someone's home/property as a guest for a few days to then extend that invitation to an additional person, unknown and uninvited by the hosts!
No wonder the hosts were blindsided. It shouldn't happen.
(A +1 is for a date or partner of invitee to a party or other such celebration - not for a random other to be an additional guest)

The OP is far more BU in this case.

The End :D

SunShinesBrightly · 30/08/2021 10:21

I can't believe how many posters are totally ignoring the blatant back tracking of the hosts. Are you honestly saying that if you were offered a free holiday then told at the last minute that actually you have to pay you wouldn't be a bit annoyed?

They invited the OP to stay as their guest in their cottage. They hoped to spend time with her and planned several outings with her and implied that the cottage was hers to use.

The OP has totally changed this dynamic by telling them that she was bringing a friend.
Very rude of the OP.
The OP and the friend are now in the same category as others who stay independently in the cottage as paying visitors.