Friend has decided to charge me to stay

[ploomo]

I have friends (a retired couple) who have several times over the last few years urged me to come and stay with them. They have a very nice old house in the Settle area, with a separate 2-bedroom cottage in the gardens. Since they moved in 2016 it's always been 'Come and stay, we're so lucky to have this place and we want to share it. You can spend time with us but come and go as you please.' Earlier this year they invited me to come in September and I said yes and booked a week's leave.

I have another friend who was due to go away to Greece the same week but cancelled because of potential Covid complications. So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. They said they'd host us both for dinner the first night and they'd take us out one day to a place they love, and that we could all go to the pub another night if we liked — but apart from that they just want us to have a good time.

That was more than a month ago. I spent about £150 on some special whisky I know they like and I've ordered some posh local artisan charcuterie and other goodies for them. This morning I've had an email from them saying that now they've had time to think about it, they feel that 'we would like to ask you and your friend to contribute £500 for your stay to cover electricity and other costs. We know that you will leave the place cleaner than you found it which is why we are happy to offer it at a reduced rate.'

I know that over the summer it's been let out for up to £1000 a week, so I suppose this is a good deal but I feel really sick and actually quite shaky about it. It's something about being offered a gift, a sign of appreciation and friendship, and then having it snatched back. I feel I can't really ask my friend to stump up the cash having told her it was free, so I'll have to foot the bill. If it wasn't for my friend really looking forward to it I'd tell them I couldn't come, but I'm going to have to go because of her.

Have they behaved badly or am I over-reacting? Who's BU —me or them?

Is there any way that you could get the charcuterie redirected to your address so they don't get anything at this point. I don't see why you should pay a shop for something that was supposed to be a thank you to your host but as you're most likely to change your mind is just going to be a platter of cold meats delivered to them for no reason at all.

To anyone who is saying that the OP offered to pay and these people accepted that offer, they actually declined that offer and said that they didn't want to be paid. They have subsequently changed the goal posts and counter offered the place at a 'reduced' cost. A reduced cost of free is still free. This is an increased cost. Of £500 (or £250 per guest). It's still an increased cost from what the OP was expecting at this point in time. They didn't belatedly accept, they didn't accept payment at all. Please understand the basic offer and acceptance that happens to form a contract.

You must tell your friend. If I was the friend I wouldn't want a) my friend paying all that money and b) be passed on behalf of my friend being put in this awkward position and not put money in the pockets of a couple who sound like they are very well off already. Just cancel the whole thing and go elsewhere together, you'll be seething and resenting the couple the whole time and not have a good time and your friend will pick up on it and also not enjoy it!

I have read all OP’s posts but not all 7 pages of comments, sorry. What would rankle with me here most is that they have said that the £500 charge is “to cover utilities”. There is no way on earth that electricity/gas could possibly come even close to £500 and OP has said she is bringing her own linen so they are not even paying to wash that. The costs incurred by having OP to stay will be minimal, and this is a really blatant move to recoup some of the profit lost by renting out to a full paying customer. It would stick in my craw that they have been disingenuous in the way they have worded the request, especially as it is so obviously a lie.

It's bad form but if you have the money and friend is sharing the cost I'd go now rather than spite everyone and fall out. You offered to give them £1k and inviting a friend complicated it all.

I can't imagine accepting £500 off a friend in their shoes.

@KTheGrey

So they have stayed with you, their daughter and DGC have stayed with you and you provided the latter with a 300 mile taxi and no money changed hands. They invited you because they wanted to see you. And now they want to see you because you do such good cleaning and charge you £500 for the privilege? I would absolutely not go. It's really bizarre.

Yes, this.

isn't this simple? You've got a friend they don't know, so effectively the £500 is the friend's fee - sounds like they decided they didn't need to give a free holiday to someone they didn't know

Completely wrong. They time to decide that was when OP asked, not later on.
You do NOT offer somebody something and then later take it back. Anyone who thinks OP's "friends" are not giant jackasses must not have understood the issue.

Let them have the charcuterie as a gesture of goodwill whilst you cancel seeing them because friend doesn’t have £250.
They were great offering it to you for free so reward that behaviour.
Keep the whisky for next year when you get to go for free.

I think inviting your friend was a bit shitty to be honest, it’s like saying their company isn’t enough for you.
Charging you having said it’s free is also a bit shitty though

I wonder if people would be saying the same about OP being “rude” to want to bring a friend if the “friend” was a romantic partner? People should remember that being single can be very lonely, particularly when you go on holiday, and it was clear that this trip was not one where the cottage-owners were going to be spending full days out with the OP. If the cottage slept 2 anyway it doesn’t sound like an imposition. And they are friends but not “spill your guts about intimate matters” friends with whom conversation would be stilted by having another person around.

*I think bringing the friend changes it. It moves it from coming to see them to going to use it as a holiday place, I suspect they are a bit pissed about it and don’t want to say, so are charging instead.

If just you it would have been the same as staying in their home, but you changed it into just using it as a holiday for you and your mate*

This

Presumably they let the cotttage out as part of their income and were having you to stay as a friend and losing money because of it?

Perhaps they see it as a bit presumptious of you to offer your friend a holiday, effectively at their expense. They're charging you half their normal rate and your friend (whom they don't know) is using half the cottage. i can understand their thinking.

I do hate it when posters say that people are well off. Its not really that relevant and really, do you know for sure? People think that Im well off because of my house and car, but Im really not.

@HaveringWavering that crossed my mind too. It also crossed my mind the cottage owners could be homophobic and have the wrong end of the stick.

Who really knows what's going though their minds but ultimately I don't think they are as good a friends as Op though they were.

Don't mix business and pleasure really comes to mind here. The more I think about it the more I just wouldn't go. Initially I miss read it as Seattle as in the USA so I thought changing plans wouldn't be that easy

Think I'd book place nearby and explain that you'll be staying nearby, but still wish to visit them and look forward to catching up.

People should bloody read the thread before posting FFS 🙄

Ain't nobody got no time for that shit. This is the AIBU board. The whole point is to tell the original poster whether she's being unreasonable based on the information in her original post.

You do realise that, if you consider the thread is already too long to read, your adding another comment isn't going to help.... and if it's too long to read, whom do you expect to read you addition? It's a public forum, for everybody to read, follow, interact with and contribute to - it's not just like an open letter that the OP wants hundreds of replies to, without expecting anybody else to ever read.

I'm amazed at the number of people who think asking nicely (and making it plain that you won't be in the least offended if not) if you could bring a friend with you. Ask to bring a dozen mates, then yes, that's cheeky; but a single 'plus one'? People routinely expect and allow this for a wedding, which is only a few hours, not an entire week.

What if OP had a DH whom the hosts didn't know - would you call her cheeky for wanting to take him too? Do you really expect her to be in a cottage on holiday, all on her own, with nobody to keep her company? Are people who don't have a partner for whatever reason expected not to want company from others and just sit on their own all evening just watching the telly?

They definitely sound to me like people who have become rich at least partially because of actions like this. We see so many CF threads about freeloaders who could easily afford to pay, as they're very wealthy - when it's exactly that continued behaviour that makes them wealthy in the first place. Even though they've stayed with OP several times, I still wonder if they were trying to call her bluff: maintaining that they didn't want any money but fully expecting her to insist on it and then 'reluctantly backing down' at the last minute. If that is the case, they probably think her very rude for not holding up her hand, saying "No, I simply won't hear of that" and forcing them to accept the market rate from her. Maybe they see it that, as the cottage is separate and not just a spare room in their house, it's fully justified to charge people.

I don't know what action I'd suggest personally, though. I don't agree that it would be cheeky to cancel on being told the cost: they are cheeky for refusing all offers and then suddenly going back on that. It's the CF's playbook, to create huge awkwardness and then expect you to feel far too awkward to decline to go along with it.

But you changed the rules of engagement when you invited your friend and offered to pay. It seems odd to then say honourable, decent people don't change the rules of engagement.

*whom do you expect to read you addition - YOUR

*I'm amazed at the number of people who think asking nicely if you could bring a friend with you - should have ended with 'is highly unreasonable'.

They offered it to you because you were a friend. You decided to give your mate a free holiday too. I expect, after they declined, they realised, or someone pointed out to them, that what you had done was quite cheeky so they decided to take you up on your offer of paying rent, but even then only charged you half.

I really wouldn’t consider it rude of a friend who was coming to visit to ask if they could bring another friend. Especially if they were going to be doing their own thing for most of the time.

The OP’s friend, however, is being very cheeky changing the goalposts and charging her for the visit a month after saying that she wouldn’t dream of doing that.

@HaveringWavering

I wonder if people would be saying the same about OP being “rude” to want to bring a friend if the “friend” was a romantic partner? People should remember that being single can be very lonely, particularly when you go on holiday, and it was clear that this trip was not one where the cottage-owners were going to be spending full days out with the OP. If the cottage slept 2 anyway it doesn’t sound like an imposition. And they are friends but not “spill your guts about intimate matters” friends with whom conversation would be stilted by having another person around.

This

You do realise that, if you consider the thread is already too long to read, your adding another comment isn't going to help

I don't think it's too long. The more answers the better. But my understanding of the basis of the AIBU board is to tell the OP whether she's being unreasonable! What everyone else thinks doesn't affect my judgement So YABU if you expect everyone to read every post. Maybe you should start a thread on it

Why is it 'giving a mate a free holiday too'? Is it so outrageous for a single person to want a companion to help make her holiday more enjoyable?

I wish people would read the thread, Op was very clear - they said she didn't need to pay when she asked about bringing her friend.
" So I contacted my friends and asked how they would feel if my friend came with me. I emailed saying that I would be very happy to pay to rent the cottage as I would be bringing a stranger, and that we'd bring our own bedding and linen and leave the place scrupulously clean for the next occupants — basically, wanting to cause them as little work or hassle as possible. They emailed back saying they wouldn't take any money, any friend of mine was a friend of theirs. "

I'd not go. I'd tell them you told your friend there was no charge and now you can't tell her you have changed your mind and there is a charge. Id say it's too embarrassing a position to put your friend in.

Thank them and say they can now rent out at full price.

As above, they offered the accommodation for you for free as you are a friend etc. You invited a friend without check first, offered to pay. They probably think you are being cheeky to expect free accommodation for yourself & your friend, it’s has changed the expectation.