“Awww aren’t they cute”

[CelticFairy]

Said about a group of ten year old girls playing football. This mum said ‘awww aren’t they just so cute in their football kit’ the conversation went on with another three mums agreeing and another saying ‘her dad always tells me how good she is, I don’t know anything I just think she’s so cute in her kit’ this made me irrationally angry and I had to say something so I simply said ‘would you say the same about the boys team or your sons’ the answer was a resounding no but one mum then pulled me aside and said ‘see this is why the other mums don’t like you’.

I’m learning to be okay with them not liking me because I think they are idiots!

But surely this is not how we speak about girls playing sport, they had been running about a training hard and are great footballers.

AIBU that this is one of the reasons girls and women’s sport doesn’t get taken seriously.

I think you’re being ridiculous… one of these that gets offended by slogans on t-shirts too…

Because she was talking about all the children not just her own ‘don’t they ALL look cute’ it just seemed a bit weird to be honest. Ah 4 or 5 yes maybe they looked cute but these girls go out and play their socks off it completely undermines their hard work to focus on looks. I don’t know anyone who at the end of a boys football training would say how cute they were! They are sweaty and horrible!!

I don’t know anyone who at the end of a boys football training would say how cute they were! They are sweaty and horrible!!
Wtf?

@Benjispruce5

Well quite happy that you think that of me *@GreyhoundG1rl* *@ManifestDestinee* as you sound absolutely delightful.

You're the one lecturing other parents on the sidelines pet, pretty sure your idea of delightful is not one I would agree with.

I would definitely say that boys looked cute too.

I think it's actually pretty negative to think that lots of the people around you are idiots because they make these kind of statements. It says more about you than them.

I think my son looks cute in little sports outfits too 🤷🏻‍♀️

@AndTheReasonIsYou she did this woman and me go back a bit she’s had various things to say about me in the past!!

Okay I’ll accept I was being unreasonable, it was just the whole this was unbearable this mum doesn’t usually do the football stuff because ‘if dad wants her to play, dad can deal with it.’

@ManifestDestinee I’m not lecturing anyone. I’m saying there are ways of making a point without lecturing and confronting people. Personally, if I didn’t know those women I’d say nothing. Personally it doesn’t bother me to call the girls cute. I have two daughters 20 and 17. They have been cute, intelligent, brave, kind, resilient. I was merely trying to say that If I was bothered I would make the point in a lighthearted way. But go ahead and jump on my post. Delightful.

I don't have the foggiest about football and still go and support my sons. They look very cute in their kit. I'm their Mum and I stand by them regardless, even if I'm just goggly eyed at my precious spawn 🤣

I remember being the grand age of 21, standing in front of my Mum in my cap and gown at graduation and she said 'you look adorable!' 🤣

I would say this to mum friends about our/their kids. But I definitley wouldn't say it within earshot of any children.

I agree with your sentiment OP, but not the way you handled it

I dont think you were being unreasonable. If she admitted she would treat boys and girls differently, that's shit. Focussing on girls looks instead of their achievements, is shit. I personally try and not focus on my girls looks. I don't really get any of the posters who say it's fine when they're 5, but then get angry when their daughters are 22 un their graduate job and everyone expects the male grad to contribute and the female grad to look pretty / make tea. How can one thing not lead to the other?

If she has said 'oh no I say that about my son as well' then that's different.

But either way, you can always just steer the conversation round 'well I'm sure they will be sweaty and muddy in a minute, they're working so hard and playing so well' type of thing. As right now they will be thinking you're weird rather than about their own shitty values they are probably imposing on their daughters

it was just the whole this was unbearable this mum doesn’t usually do the football stuff because ‘if dad wants her to play, dad can deal with it

What is wrong with that My DH wanted one of ours to do a particular sport. I didn't, really, I knew nothing about it other than it can be quite dangerous, and was time intensive. I told him if he was so into the idea he could to the ferrying about and buying equipment and the admin and everything. The both of them soon lost interest without me doing the crappy end of it....why one earth was I or your woman unreasonable?

The other day I was trying to find inspiring images of female athletes winning in their sports.

A Google search threw up a few pictures of inspiring female athletes and quite a few more of the world's "hottest female athletes" according to various men's publications. Like, who cares if a female athlete is any good or not, as long as she looks sufficiently hot?

I was genuinely depressed.

The problem is, this stuff starts early and is so ingrained that most people don't even recognise that they're doing it. YANBU, OP. As PPs have said, there may have been more tactful/subtle ways to make the point, but the underlying principle is valid.

TBH i do pretty much everything with the DCs. So yes on occasion I can say 'DH you deal with it'. That includes going to see the latest Tom and Jerry movie and getting their hair cut and new school shoes.

Because i just do not want to.

if either of the Dcs were interested in DH's chosen sport (which I am not) then yes he can fucking deal with it.

My ds looks absolutely adorable in his football kit with his cheeky little smile.
Maybe tell me off now too?