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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Awww aren’t they cute”

190 replies

CelticFairy · 29/08/2021 09:32

Said about a group of ten year old girls playing football. This mum said ‘awww aren’t they just so cute in their football kit’ the conversation went on with another three mums agreeing and another saying ‘her dad always tells me how good she is, I don’t know anything I just think she’s so cute in her kit’ this made me irrationally angry and I had to say something so I simply said ‘would you say the same about the boys team or your sons’ the answer was a resounding no but one mum then pulled me aside and said ‘see this is why the other mums don’t like you’.

I’m learning to be okay with them not liking me because I think they are idiots!

But surely this is not how we speak about girls playing sport, they had been running about a training hard and are great footballers.

AIBU that this is one of the reasons girls and women’s sport doesn’t get taken seriously.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 29/08/2021 10:58

They aren't your tribe. I'd keep it civil and let the inane comments bounce off you. Try to limit the amount of time you spend with them. That mum in particular sounds like a numpty but if her dd enjoys football she will soon put her mum right. 10 year olds can be rather blunt.

EarringsandLipstick · 29/08/2021 10:59

@Benjispruce5

I’d have thought it but not said it like you did. I’d have said something like ‘ Now come on, let’s not judge our girls on their appearance, it’s their football skills on show today.’ with a laugh but making my point in a gentle way.
Hahaha you think that's gentle? 😂 Possibly even more annoying than OP who at least was being direct.
WorraLiberty · 29/08/2021 11:00

All 10 year olds look cute in a nice sports kit.

Fighting the feminist fight is to be applauded but picking on people in the way you did, isn't.

It's a non issue even if she did apparently declare she wouldn't say boys looked cute in their kit.

Fncottonrrrrgh · 29/08/2021 11:02

I mean are adults so short sighted they will meddle with their child’s friendship? So as a mum, you have to toe the line to be ‘looking nice/right’ to the other mums (whatever that means where you live - I suspect this will vary wildly) so your child can fit in…..What a depressing way of living. sad

I wouldn't go as far as "looking right" to fit in but yes if you are a parent you'll realise this. Yes adults can be worse than the kids. Clicky.

ancientgran · 29/08/2021 11:02

I think cute is a bit different to saying aren't they beautiful, I mean kids who aren't conventionally good looking can be very cute just like a very attractive child can. I see it more like aren't they smart. So not judging on looks if you see what I mean.

Maybe we have different interpretations of the word?

pigsDOfly · 29/08/2021 11:03

@BaconAvocado

I’m learning to be okay with them not liking me because I think they are idiots! well if you think that about them then why is it a surprise they don't like you?
Every single woman there agreed that the girls look cute in their kit, then went on to agree they wouldn't say that about their 10 years old boys in the same situation?

Amazing that all the women there have this hive mind and are all 'idiots'; must be something in the water.

Still, one good thing comes out of it OP, it gives you a great opportunity to feel superior.

GiveMeNovocain · 29/08/2021 11:04

My grandma always just had to say something. She was very unhappy because although she always felt she was right constantly pointing out others shortcomings is a path to misery. I think primary aged children of both sexes look cute in football kits, but I'd have probably said something vague in response to you. Who wants a row over a child's hobby?

pigsDOfly · 29/08/2021 11:04

*Didn't mean to put that quote is at the top.

Starfish1021 · 29/08/2021 11:05

I think you totally did the right thing. It is the constant reaffirming that girls should look good first and it’s exhausting.

illuyankas · 29/08/2021 11:06

I thought my dc was cute when he was taking martial art grading when he was 10. 10 years old's serious face focusing on the task is cute to their parents. So I don't think nothing wrong with parents finding girls playing sports cute, they most likely feel the same about boys too.

cass5 · 29/08/2021 11:11

Simply compliment on their football skills and let other parents compliment what they want. That type of comments just leads others to think you are judgemental and uneasy. But if you just want to make your point and have no issues with antagonizing those who likely are the parents of your kids' friends go ahead with it. Dont wonder if all of you start being left out.

hey9654 · 29/08/2021 11:11

I would definitely say the same about my son 🤨

PricklesAndSpikes · 29/08/2021 11:12

So, some women watching their daughters playing football passed comment that they looked cute and you are so right-on that you had to ask them if they would same about boys and they all said they wouldn't? Rubbish! I bet if it had been some women watching their sons playing football they'd have said the same thing. Because all kids look cute in small versions of what is usually seen on adults! I'm all for feminism and pulling people up on deliberate sexism, but goodness gracious, mums passing comment on their daughters looking cute? Ridiculous!

AndTheReasonIsYou · 29/08/2021 11:15

but one mum then pulled me aside and said ‘see this is why the other mums don’t like you

This never happened.

Unless you live in a sitcom.

BaconAvocado · 29/08/2021 11:15

@Benjispruce5

I’d have thought it but not said it like you did. I’d have said something like ‘ Now come on, let’s not judge our girls on their appearance, it’s their football skills on show today.’ with a laugh but making my point in a gentle way.
That's worse!
GreyhoundG1rl · 29/08/2021 11:17

Infinitely worse.

ManifestDestinee · 29/08/2021 11:18

AIBU that this is one of the reasons girls and women’s sport doesn’t get taken seriously

YABVU, and ridiculous. My DD looks adorable in sports uniform, as do her friends. As did my sons when they were that age, and her elder sister. She's also strong and fast and talented and inspiring. If you heard me call her cute, why would you assume that I don't also call her all those other things.

There are a lot of reasons why female sport is less valued, but young girls looking cute is not one of them.

WorraLiberty · 29/08/2021 11:19

Thinking about human nature in general

The 'resounding no' was very unusual from the four mothers, as people tend to get defensive about things like that and would almost always say "Yes, of course I would".

GreyhoundG1rl · 29/08/2021 11:20

I’d have thought it but not said it like you did. I’d have said something like ‘ Now come on, let’s not judge our girls on their appearance, it’s their football skills on show today.’ with a laugh but making my point in a gentle way.
I'd think you were a right gobshite, tbh. Reading about it is even worse than hearing it, with the explanation of your self congratulatory "gentleness".

ManifestDestinee · 29/08/2021 11:21

I’d have thought it but not said it like you did. I’d have said something like ‘ Now come on, let’s not judge our girls on their appearance, it’s their football skills on show today.’ with a laugh but making my point in a gentle way

I would have told you to go fuck yourself.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/08/2021 11:21

They wouldn't like me much either then!
I got the hump a few years back when one of DS1's team, a girl, was constantly called "sweetheart" or other such pet names by the coaches, while none of the boys were, they just used their names.

However, I chose to stop going along, partly because DS2 started playing and trained and had matches at different times and places than DS1.

Icannever · 29/08/2021 11:21

I think my boys look cute in football or rugby kits

LizBennet · 29/08/2021 11:22

@WorraLiberty

Thinking about human nature in general

The 'resounding no' was very unusual from the four mothers, as people tend to get defensive about things like that and would almost always say "Yes, of course I would".

Absolutely.
RacistAngst · 29/08/2021 11:25

I’m Grin at all the mothers who are saying their 10yo boys are cute in their football outfit.

So far from what I saw with my own boys. Competitiveness has always been the first to come out at football (and swimming for schools etc….).

On that point, the OP is right. It’s unlikely that those mothers would have said the same thing about their sons.

BogRollBOGOF · 29/08/2021 11:25

I think my sons are cute in their various sports kits. I even think they're pretty, but don't voice that one aloud in case it comes over as a bad dose of mummy goggles Grin

I can superficially admire DS in football kit and at the end of the game talk about his effort, good moments and how well he's responded to feedback. I would do the same if he was a daughter.

DS and I go running. I wear "girly" things like skorts, cropped tops, and bold prints in "girly" colours. I talk about things like speed, strength, stamina and effort.

Girls are already ahead playing football in an unequal world. They can be, like boys, cute in their kit. If the mums are only ever making superficial comments about their daughters then OP might have a bit of a point, but by directly challenging fairly innocuous comments made by parents about their own children is neither going to win friends nor be persuasive about more egalitarian thinking.

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