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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Awww aren’t they cute”

190 replies

CelticFairy · 29/08/2021 09:32

Said about a group of ten year old girls playing football. This mum said ‘awww aren’t they just so cute in their football kit’ the conversation went on with another three mums agreeing and another saying ‘her dad always tells me how good she is, I don’t know anything I just think she’s so cute in her kit’ this made me irrationally angry and I had to say something so I simply said ‘would you say the same about the boys team or your sons’ the answer was a resounding no but one mum then pulled me aside and said ‘see this is why the other mums don’t like you’.

I’m learning to be okay with them not liking me because I think they are idiots!

But surely this is not how we speak about girls playing sport, they had been running about a training hard and are great footballers.

AIBU that this is one of the reasons girls and women’s sport doesn’t get taken seriously.

OP posts:
Benjispruce5 · 29/08/2021 11:27

Well quite happy that you think that of me @GreyhoundG1rl @ManifestDestinee as you sound absolutely delightful.Hmm

Snoozer11 · 29/08/2021 11:27

It was a throwaway comment. You may not agree or appreciate what was said, but putting someone down simply because they were making polite conversation is not on.

You sound unpleasant.

shinynewapple21 · 29/08/2021 11:29

@CelticFairy

one mum then pulled me aside and said ‘see this is why the other mums don’t like you’.

This is so rude . How did you respond to this ?

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 29/08/2021 11:29

My son is cute.

herecomesthsun · 29/08/2021 11:30

My daughter plays a sport normally played by boys. I don't understand the rules (am not sporty, am also gradually learning). I also think she looks very cute and that her friends also look cute. I think that's ok.

Lonelylooloo · 29/08/2021 11:34

I’d say it about my son and my daughter…they do look super cute in their little outfits Blush

OhGiveUp · 29/08/2021 11:43

My neighbour has a four year old son who wears a football strip. He looks really cute and I tell him so, especially when he's kicking his football around.
To be fair, I call him cutie anyway, because he is.
Fortunately his mum hasn't run me out of town yet.

JockTamsonsBairns · 29/08/2021 11:47

Calling yourself "Celtic Fairy" seems a little at odds with your point?

ZenNudist · 29/08/2021 11:51

There was similar response to pics of the boys team (with ds) similarly aged winning the cup.

It's just small talk. They are still cute. It's a great age.

chesterelly · 29/08/2021 11:53

My DS &DD both play football. Have I mentioned I think they look cute in their kits? Probably, at least a few years ago when they weren't taller than me. Do I admire their strength & determination, levels of fitness, team spirit, skill, resilience? Absolutely and I tell them both. Would I rather my DD did a sport where she could achieve all those things in glitter and spangles with her butt cheeks hanging out? Absolutely not. Give me mud, grass stains, sweaty boots, even those horrid black Astroturf beads like go everywhere and look like mouse poo. I think you can turn a blind eye to a cute comment and focus on the fact that their daughters are playing a great sport which for so long was so male dominated that any girl playing wouldn't have been cute they'd have been called weird. I think we all want to be able to say positive things but if these mums really don't know the game they might struggle to acknowledge a great pass or save or a cracking free kick so the "cute" is a fallback. Educate them, if you see their daughter play well, tell them, let them know the other reasons they can be proud.

Zombiemum1946 · 29/08/2021 11:54

You were over thinking the remark and should probably not commented. On the other hand the mum telling you that the others don't like you, is worthy of a public calling out of her remark. Its a clear attempt at being hurtful and to isolate you. That's what is in need of addressing. I still have friends from my sons nursery and school days that didn't get on and I called them out when they were shitty to reach other, but I didn't gel with my daughters. I am a lot older than them, with very little in common, but not once did any of them make such a shitty remark.I hope you call her out publicly, but maybe keep the sociological musings for a different occasion.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 29/08/2021 11:56

I used to take my brother to his U10's football, I heard exactly the same thing being said about them - how cute they look in their football kits especially since a lot of them were in oversized kits and it did look really cute

Pendhxa · 29/08/2021 11:56

You have to understand that pulling people up on comments that they have made is almost never going to go down well. Particularly when the woman was being friendly with chit chat and compliments. The woman is also not obligated to share your views or to be a feminist since we do still live in a free country.

ancientgran · 29/08/2021 11:56

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

They wouldn't like me much either then! I got the hump a few years back when one of DS1's team, a girl, was constantly called "sweetheart" or other such pet names by the coaches, while none of the boys were, they just used their names.

However, I chose to stop going along, partly because DS2 started playing and trained and had matches at different times and places than DS1.

I don't think cute is the equivalent of sweetheart. I agree with you that they wouldn't call a boy sweetheart but I think cute gets used for boys and girls.
WorraLiberty · 29/08/2021 12:01

@Zombiemum1946

You were over thinking the remark and should probably not commented. On the other hand the mum telling you that the others don't like you, is worthy of a public calling out of her remark. Its a clear attempt at being hurtful and to isolate you. That's what is in need of addressing. I still have friends from my sons nursery and school days that didn't get on and I called them out when they were shitty to reach other, but I didn't gel with my daughters. I am a lot older than them, with very little in common, but not once did any of them make such a shitty remark.I hope you call her out publicly, but maybe keep the sociological musings for a different occasion.
To be fair, we don't know that the OP hasn't asked her in the past why the other mums don't seem to like her.

It could've been a bitchy comment on an honest example.

From her comment, it seems this isn't the first time the OP has done this to the other mums and perhaps unnecessarily.

Notashandyta · 29/08/2021 12:07

People can comment on their own children how they like without being policed.

Cabbagewhites · 29/08/2021 12:09

well maybe they should ‘coo’ a bit more about the cuteness of their sons?

Treating the sexes equally doesn’t mean girls have to be treated the same as boys. Boys aren’t ‘better’.
If she thought the girls DID look cute there’s no harm in staying so!! Just be the parent to say the boys also look adorable next time.

ancientgran · 29/08/2021 12:11

My GS is 8 and incredibly cute in his football kit. His little sister is also cute but not quite old enough for sport just yet. I'm sure she'll get there though as her parents are sports mad.

GreyhoundG1rl · 29/08/2021 12:13

@Cabbagewhites

well maybe they should ‘coo’ a bit more about the cuteness of their sons?

Treating the sexes equally doesn’t mean girls have to be treated the same as boys. Boys aren’t ‘better’.
If she thought the girls DID look cute there’s no harm in staying so!! Just be the parent to say the boys also look adorable next time.

Maybe they will when they're watching a boy's football team playing? The girls were right in front of them, why would they need to comment on the absent boys to keep it fair?!
Christiehaven · 29/08/2021 12:17

You sound really high maintenance so it’s no wonder the other mums don’t like you. People are allowed to say what they want about their own children, you may think they’re idiots but they probably think the same about you. My nephew was page boy at my wedding yesterday, he’s 16 and looked cute in his suit.

supermoonrising · 29/08/2021 12:19

“I don’t know anything about football but I think she looks cute in her kit!”

How terrible! Someone needs to stop this oppression of girls at school where they are outperforming boys in every subject and the gap is widening every year.

supermoonrising · 29/08/2021 12:21

@Notashandyta
People can comment on their own children how they like without being policed
You would think so, but not anymore!

MarshmallowSwede · 29/08/2021 12:24

I say this about little boys playing sports all the time.

This is extremely militant and unnecessary.
Children are cute when they are in uniform.

MzHz · 29/08/2021 12:25

I read this article a while ago - it’s depressing how women in sport are treated

And my ds used to play rugby, not once did anyone say how cute they looked! Smart yes. Strong, yes.

Princessandthepeas · 29/08/2021 12:26

You sound very rude. You weren’t even part of the conversation and you joined in just to be a berk.