DH ‘I’m not coming home.’

[Livvielo]

DH is out tonight. Someone at work is celebrating their 40th birthday.
They went to a golf club this afternoon and had lunch and drinks after. They’ve now gone into London. DH has just messaged me this:
‘Don’t wait up for me. I’m not coming home.’
I asked why.
His reply ‘crashing at work mates flat because it’s closer’ (he then said where it was. It’s 3 stops on the train before our stop.
AIBU to be annoyed at this??

@Hellotoallmyfans

I think it depends how well you know your dh/if you trust him. For me, it would ring massive alarm bells as dh has never spent a night away from home and it would be massively out of character for him to do so.

Your spidey-senses are obviously tingling OP.

I think for me, aside from me being a bit annoyed (however irrational) my main worry would not really be cheating, but if he’s actually ok. As it’s so out of character, maybe he’s really stressed out at work or feeling a bit down. If this became a regular thing, then that would be my first thought. But if it doesn’t happen again, I will just accept he’s having a good night out, first proper night out since before Covid, and he just wants to get pissed and not have to creep around when he gets home and annoy me.

Sorry but i think this is weird .

And i think youre making excuses for him

Yes ikwym OP. I've just remembered a night a few years back when I went to a concert with my bf and decided to stay at hers afterwards. Dh was a bit grumpy and suspicious the next day bc, like him, it's out of character for me to do that but I literally was just wasted and knackered and didn't want another 20 min taxi ride on my own as I was worried I might puke! I think dh thought me and my bf had scored with two hot guys which I found hilarious .

@ssd

And i think youre making excuses for him

What would you suggest I do? Go to London and spy on him? I’m not making excuses, just trying not to jump to crazy conclusions when there is no other sign or issue in our marriage that questions my trust in him. If it becomes a regular thing then I definitely would be asking questions. But I can’t accuse him of taking drugs or shagging sally yet.

@stepupandbecounted

'Shall I send over your suitcase by cab or would you like to collect it in the morning from the garden - your choice - have a great night'

Hilarious. Some people on here are utterly batshit.

@Hellotoallmyfans

Yes ikwym OP. I've just remembered a night a few years back when I went to a concert with my bf and decided to stay at hers afterwards. Dh was a bit grumpy and suspicious the next day bc, like him, it's out of character for me to do that but I literally was just wasted and knackered and didn't want another 20 min taxi ride on my own as I was worried I might puke! I think dh thought me and my bf had scored with two hot guys which I found hilarious .

😂😂😂😂 I think DH will be amused when I tell him this thread

Go to bed and try to be unbothered when you see him tomorrow.

I’ve decided not to remind him of the lunch. Hopefully he is still snoring on Sally’s sofa by 11am and I will have to send an apologetic message to the MIL to cancel Sunday lunch.

But don't make an excuse for him that puts the blame on you.

I usually stay out overnight (pre arranged), I don't cheat it is just easier and I get a lie in as ds and dh are early risers 😆

At least he'll be throwing up in someone else's toilet 😁

Just the beer head on and the whole "I love enveryone and am having a marvellous time and socialising is great and I don't want this evening to end and I love beer and being out is great and I love everyone and being out is great I don't want to go home yet". Lack of punctuation intended.

Exactly what I was going to say. It's easy to get swept along when you're pissed up and having a great time (if my memory serves me ). Logically, does it make sense? Not much, but it's perfectly sensible to someone who is half cut - especially when someone has persuaded you not to leave by offering to put you up at their place that is a whole 3 stops away and to continue the party!

You were calling a woman for getting drunk at a Wedding the other day but it's okay for a DH to party all night

Eh totally different scenarios. Unless there’s a drip feed he isn’t wankered with a toddler at an immediate families wedding

Feel free to stalk posters round threads, that’s not weird at all.

He’s got enough stamina to keep in drinking so he might as well come home. As you said wd be okay if his mate lived in London. Seriously does he think you’ll sleep more easily knowing he’s sleeping elsewhere than listening him stumble in. Makes no sense and he knew that in the initial call/msg

@Blossomtoes

Stay out all night versus waking me up paralytic, slurring “I really, really love you, I do” and breathing alcohol fumes all over me, I know which I’d choose.

Me too, as a once off or occasional. As long as I trusted him I'd rather he slept it off somewhere else and was his grumpy hung over self somewhere else too. If you don't trust him OP thats a whole other tread.

I prefer my DH to stay out as he has a tendency to fall asleep on the circle line and go round a few times before he wakes up.

Ever since the night DH drunkenly brought his kebab to bed with him incase I was feeling peckish, I actively encourage him to stay over at a mate's house.

@LesleyA

He’s got enough stamina to keep in drinking so he might as well come home. As you said wd be okay if his mate lived in London. Seriously does he think you’ll sleep more easily knowing he’s sleeping elsewhere than listening him stumble in. Makes no sense and he knew that in the initial call/msg

Completely agree with it not making sense. Hearing how drunk he is, I’m thinking on this occasion, he really is just having a good time and too drunk to make logical decisions. The suggestion there is some kind of after party or just the promise of a few more drinks at his mates place is definitely plausible. If he does it again though anytime soon, I won’t will definitely think something suspicious is going on.

Maybe he just fancies a sleepover with his friend?

@Rachie1973

I prefer my DH to stay out as he has a tendency to fall asleep on the circle line and go round a few times before he wakes up.

I’ve done this once or twice many many years ago but I remember it well

Maybe his work mate really is male. And my DH is actually gay, and has been living a lie all this time. He’s going to do a Philip schofield on me.
A bit of a reach, but definitely a mumsnet thing

@stepupandbecounted

'Shall I send over your suitcase by cab or would you like to collect it in the morning from the garden - your choice - have a great night'

As if...🙄

I too think he's safer in the group judging by how drunk he already is !! Someone has probably said let's go back to mine, you can all stay and your DH wants to go. As long as you have no other relationship issues then I think he's just got caught up in the night out. Come back @Livvielo and update us tomorrow with how bad his hangover was and whether it was bad enough to cancel lunch with the in-laws lol. Enjoy your peaceful evening.

id be pleased. Id rather just be able to go to bed and not worry what time he will roll in, but id tell him to cancel going to his mums now rather than leaving it till last minute

Saying that, ive got no reason to think mine would cheat or be doing anything I wouldnt do

I’ve just seen on Facebook that he posted a photo of a row of shots and our ‘living my best life!!’ he rarely ever posts anything, and just scrolls through fb.

Maybe it’s a mid life crisis 😩😩