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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH ‘I’m not coming home.’

385 replies

Livvielo · 28/08/2021 19:31

DH is out tonight. Someone at work is celebrating their 40th birthday.
They went to a golf club this afternoon and had lunch and drinks after. They’ve now gone into London. DH has just messaged me this:
‘Don’t wait up for me. I’m not coming home.’
I asked why.
His reply ‘crashing at work mates flat because it’s closer’ (he then said where it was. It’s 3 stops on the train before our stop. Hmm
AIBU to be annoyed at this??

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 29/08/2021 13:50

@riceuten

I'd be suspicious, and would (justifiably) surreptitiously be checking his card, his phone and his email.
The guy was saying his friend wasn't allowed in a bar because he's wearing trainers so they were going to try somewhere else.

If you think that's cause to check up on private communications and bank statements I hope you're single...

WTFisNext · 29/08/2021 14:13

@RevolvingPivot how the fuck is that a bribe?

It's just making clear that hosting of the in-laws...you know his family will not happen unless he's there.

That's not a bribe, that's common sense 🤷🏻‍♀️

RevolvingPivot · 29/08/2021 14:43

[quote WTFisNext]@RevolvingPivot how the fuck is that a bribe?

It's just making clear that hosting of the in-laws...you know his family will not happen unless he's there.

That's not a bribe, that's common sense 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
Oh sorry I took that the wrong way.

Timeforredwine · 29/08/2021 15:08

Im all for a party but dont undersyand the oh dear poor thing hasnt been out for 18 months, what has that got to do with anything. Prob perfectly innocent, hope you now having a good day op.

coodawoodashooda · 29/08/2021 15:08

@Timeforredwine

Im all for a party but dont undersyand the oh dear poor thing hasnt been out for 18 months, what has that got to do with anything. Prob perfectly innocent, hope you now having a good day op.
I agree.
coodawoodashooda · 29/08/2021 15:09

Is he home now?

ssd · 29/08/2021 17:50

Op busy?

Matleave22 · 29/08/2021 18:48

I really wouldn’t stress about this, they’re probably going to get the last train home/a taxi if they miss it. As long as he’s not ruining plans you had together for tomorrow, I’d just let it go, say have fun, and enjoy an early night!

Plus you’ve earned a night away with your friends too Smile

VeganCheesePlease · 29/08/2021 19:03

@stepupandbecounted

'Shall I send over your suitcase by cab or would you like to collect it in the morning from the garden - your choice - have a great night'
Bit of an over-reaction
Rollercoaster512 · 29/08/2021 19:23

Just read tft and I really wanna know If OP’s husband came home Hmm

ssd · 29/08/2021 21:18

Im not sure things are ok?

MyLifeNow20 · 29/08/2021 21:24

Are you Ok?

Original poster
Livvielo · 29/08/2021 23:20

Sorry for running off. He didn’t come home. I started to get worried as he wasn’t answering his phone by 11am. Through Facebook I managed to track down one of his work mates who said my DH had been ‘a bit of a state’ and that work mate made a few phone calls and eventually by 1pm I had the address of the friend he went home with. The in-laws came over and took the DC out for lunch and I drove to his mates house. Had to almost bang down the door for someone to answer. His bleary eyed mate answered the door and led me to my DH who was fast a bloody sleep on a sofa surrounded by empty beer cans and a half eaten kebab.
Managed to get him home but he was still in an absolute state. I felt like a mother of a naughty teenager. He took off to bed for the rest of the day finally waking up at 5pm asking me what was for dinner as he was starving.
Hmm

OP posts:
saraclara · 29/08/2021 23:23

...and what was your inlaws' reaction?

saraclara · 29/08/2021 23:24

...also I hope told him to get his own dinner!

Original poster
Livvielo · 29/08/2021 23:28

MIL told me to make sure he drank lots of water, told me to check on him regularly to make sure he was ok and leave some paracetamol, a bucket and glass of water next to the bed.
She also told me to put him in the recovery position. Hmm
I did none of those things. Grin
I told him he was ordering us all a take away and that is what he did.
He told me he had a ‘wicked’ night though. 😏

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 29/08/2021 23:39

oh isnt he lovely

MyLifeNow20 · 29/08/2021 23:43

wow

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/08/2021 00:00

He took off to bed for the rest of the day finally waking up at 5pm asking me what was for dinner as he was starving.

Bleurgh. Is he usually such a misogynist, expecting you to have a dinner prepared for him despite not showing up?

I was Team Husband and thought ah he's having a good time, OP seems lovely and will understand maybe he's got over excited (which you do and you did) but that expectation of a dinner minus a shit, thanks for coming to get me is... disappointing from him!

SpindleWhorl · 30/08/2021 00:03

Yeah, that's a disappointing epilogue tbh.

'Man has no powers of feeding self'.

Kiduknot · 30/08/2021 00:05

One off, unusual behaviour. So what.

Make sure you get a —weekend— night off too, soon.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 30/08/2021 00:17

@Kiduknot

One off, unusual behaviour. So what.

Make sure you get a —weekend— night off too, soon.

Yeah, one off, twattish and disrespectful behaviour. Who cares🤷
Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 30/08/2021 00:43

Glad to hear he had a top night and no real harm done.

Whitedressparis · 30/08/2021 00:48

I went out with a friend a couple of months ago, we stayed up till all hours (gone 4!) Shock - drinking - chatting - dancing to take that. We had an amazing time! I stayed over and got home at 11 the next day. DP made me a bacon sandwich - sent me to bed and brought me tea all afternoon while I watched below deck.

It was a once or twice a year blow out. No big deal/ I’ve done the same for him Gin

Original poster
Livvielo · 30/08/2021 01:11

Agree with those saying he’s acted like a complete twat tbh. It’s so out of the ordinary for either of us to do this. BUT what I got from posting here yesterday, helped me to think it’s just a one off, he’s having a nice night out, had a hard year, I’m not his mother etc etc.
But I am annoyed that he didn’t seem at all apologetic that he missed lunch with his parents or worrying me with no contact this morning, didn’t seem to care that I drove to his mates to get him, he just enjoyed his sleep all day.

He did tell me that Rick had to go home because nowhere would let him in as he was indeed wearing trainers.
Hmm

OP posts: