Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letchy fucking men

279 replies

ineedsun · 28/08/2021 12:03

I don’t think IABU but I’m due on so might be over reacting.

I wore shorts today because it’s warm here, not proper short, shorts, probably two or three inches above the knee, I walked somewhere - about 3 mile round trip. I’m just fed up of letchy men, I can ignore staring, and someone smiling and saying hello is friendly and nice but people slowing down to comment or make the sort of noise you make to call an animal. What the fuck is wrong with them. I felt genuinely intimidated at one point and I’m a nigh on 50year old grandmother, I changed my intended route on the way back because I felt too scared to walk along a footpath. I hate to think how teenage girls feel and what their experience is.

Perhaps naively I thought the world had moved on.

OP posts:
334bu · 29/08/2021 08:27

To all those on here who say that they have never witnessed or experienced such behaviour, I don't believe you.

I have had numerous conversations about this when " me too" happened and there was always someone who said not me and then when pressed , later remembered incidents of catcalling, exposure etc. These incidents were dismissed at the time and then forgotten.
Namalt behave this way but if every woman counted up the number of occasions it happened to them over a lifetime, there are an awful lot of them. YANBU!!!!!

IheartJKR · 29/08/2021 08:34

I agree 100% op.

Try having teenage girls. My dh is totally absolutely out of his mind with rage. He cannot believe what our dds have to experience from LETCHY MEN , predominately dh’s age - not boys or young men that’s a whole other thread.

Unfortunately it’s just another day for me and my dds.

TheHuntingoftheSnark · 29/08/2021 08:35

To the people who say they have never experienced harassment- you must just be oblivious as for every woman I know has had it incessantly from when they are about 12-13. Namalt, but all harassers are men, and lots of men keep quiet when it happens in front of them.
Last week, a builder said hey sexy to my teenage daughter when she was ahead of our family group. I heard it too and we both gave him the middle finger. My daughter’s dad still said we were mistaken and it wasn’t directed at my daughter.

IheartJKR · 29/08/2021 08:43

The fact that many people do not believe that it happens is because of the victim blaming entrenched within society that makes women responsible for what men do.

@TheHuntingoftheSnark dd wasn’t being catcalled…, of course not. She doesn’t fit the profile… it’s only certain kinds of women this stuff happen s to…. And his dd was just walking along minding her own business… she didn’t do anything to ask for it.
Therefore it didn’t happen.

It is just to difficult for some people to accept just how much men hate women just because they exist.

lollipoprainbow · 29/08/2021 08:54

I find it hard to believe that men would go crazy for a 50 year old in long shorts !! Exaggerated much ??

misscockerspaniel · 29/08/2021 09:02

I work mainly with men and it is an eye opener into how they view women. These are ordinary men with families. Last week, they admitted that the first thing they think when they see a woman is "would I or wouldn't I".

Original poster
ineedsun · 29/08/2021 09:06

@lollipoprainbow

I find it hard to believe that men would go crazy for a 50 year old in long shorts !! Exaggerated much ??
Why would you think that?
OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 29/08/2021 09:07

@lollipoprainbow

I find it hard to believe that men would go crazy for a 50 year old in long shorts !! Exaggerated much ??
And another. So bloody depressing.
lazylinguist · 29/08/2021 09:27

I find it hard to believe that men would go crazy for a 50 year old in long shorts!!

Who said they were 'going crazy' for anyone? It's not about them having a sudden, uncontrollable passion for some woman they pass. It's that they enjoy showing off what they think is their right to publicly evaluate the attractiveness or unattractiveness of any female. I think it amuses them or makes them feel powerful. They don't care if it makes women uncomfortable. In fact lots of them probably like that effect, otherwise they wouldn't do it. Your frankly ageist assessment that a woman who claims to have experienced this is deludedly overrating her own middle-aged attractiveness is both naïve and depressing.

GlinnerForPM · 29/08/2021 09:30

@lollipoprainbow

I find it hard to believe that men would go crazy for a 50 year old in long shorts !! Exaggerated much ??
Seriously? What a misogynistic comment.
Butchyrestingface · 29/08/2021 09:33

I bet girlmom21 has an All Lives Matter banner on her FB profile pic.

DelphiniumBlue · 29/08/2021 09:39

I think the violence behind some of the comments has got much worse- whilst there have always been men who are publicly letchy, it used to be generally limited to the equivalent of " nice tits, love".
The nasty rapey vicious comments talking about physical damage is a modern thing, and I do think it's related to internet porn.

See the post above where one of the cat callers said how he wanted to ‘shred the arse’ of the woman he was addressing.
Just horrible.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 29/08/2021 09:41

I find it hard to believe that men would go crazy for a 50 year old in long shorts !! Exaggerated much ??

It's not about going crazy, whatever that means. It's about men humiliating women for their own pleasure, it doesn't matter if the woman is 50 or 15, because it's not about the women, it's about the men who do it.

How can you not see that?

HailAdrian · 29/08/2021 09:47

I was wearing jeans and a hoodie on my bike a few weeks ago and got 'ooh ride me like that.' I can't imagine making a comment like that to a stranger, even to try and make my friends laugh. It's happened so much, especially when it's groups of drunk men, that i hardly bat an eyelid anymore.

cushioncovers · 29/08/2021 09:56

I don't think a lot of men will ever change to be honest. Some just seem to think they are entitled to comment on women full stop. If you're fat they comment, if you have red hair they comment, if your wearing anything that catches their eye they comment. It really isn't about being attractive or wearing shorts.

I know a girl who works in a fast food chain and she said just as many young men make crude comments as older men. And this is from the younger 'woke ' generation who have supposedly grown up in a more modern enlightened society. And she says if the older men aren't being crude they are being condescending and patronising.

I have no idea why they do it. It seems to be a worldwide thing. And I've no idea how we will ever change it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Corrag · 29/08/2021 10:08

It strikes me that the men doing this are the tip of the iceberg. For every man that makes a comment/shouts from a passing car there are probably umpteen more that are thinking the same thing but don't actually say/do anything.

Thenosleepclub · 29/08/2021 10:12

I grew up in the westcountry, and had it happen to me just once or twice I think before leaving for university in London. I rarely wore trousers and liked skirts mostly, but only particularly short ones when going out. First weekend I was there I walked down on a Sunday morning to the local Tesco in my area of inner London and had so many cat calls , comments and men approach me that I never wore a skirt again when out alone, and completely changed my style of dressing.

I moved back to the westcountry a couple of years ago and again I can only remember one occasion it's happened and I live near a major road. However I now have 2 kids under 3 so look quite a train wreck.

Blossomtoes · 29/08/2021 10:14

@Corrag

It strikes me that the men doing this are the tip of the iceberg. For every man that makes a comment/shouts from a passing car there are probably umpteen more that are thinking the same thing but don't actually say/do anything.
Which is fine. They can think whatever they like. Nobody was ever harassed by thought. It’s when it progresses beyond that it gets ugly.
Tinpotspectator · 29/08/2021 10:15

I have bloody good evidence it happens frequently in both town and country, and that's just the women in my family.

Tinpotspectator · 29/08/2021 10:15

That said, I agree it's worse in London, actually.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 29/08/2021 10:17

There are definitely areas in London where is worse than in other places.

5128gap · 29/08/2021 10:18

@Corrag

It strikes me that the men doing this are the tip of the iceberg. For every man that makes a comment/shouts from a passing car there are probably umpteen more that are thinking the same thing but don't actually say/do anything.
100%. Truly, all those who think its exaggerated or it's only working class men, or 'no one I know does that', next time you're out, watch them. Watch them when they think you're not looking and you'll see, either directed at you or some other woman.
Corrag · 29/08/2021 10:19

@Blossomtoes I don't think it's fine actually. It's not OK for men to be seeing a teenage girl and thinking she's sexy. Not OK for men to be thinking they'd like to shred someone's arse. Not OK.

Journeyofthedragons · 29/08/2021 10:21

@lollipoprainbow

I find it hard to believe that men would go crazy for a 50 year old in long shorts !! Exaggerated much ??
Both younger and older men have been gradually labotmised by continuously watching "MILF Gets Destoyed" type porn on the internet and it's turned them into sick, depraved animals.
AnneElliott · 29/08/2021 10:42

The victim blaming on here is really upsetting. What do you posters think others are lying?

When I got burgled no one asked if it was my fault for owning a laptop? Or suggested I'd made it up to claim on the insurance? Yet sexual crimes are apparently often treated as though the victim is mistaken or lying or trying to ruin someone's life!

Yes I've had it happen to me - luckily less so now im in my 40s. And I have no compunction about complaining to employers either - as a society we need to stamp this out.

And of course it's not all men - no one ever said it was. My dad or brother aren't like that and nor is DH. But we can't ignore that there's a significant number who are - of it's only 1-2% of the population then they must be doing it 100% of the time!