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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Letchy fucking men

279 replies

ineedsun · 28/08/2021 12:03

I don’t think IABU but I’m due on so might be over reacting.

I wore shorts today because it’s warm here, not proper short, shorts, probably two or three inches above the knee, I walked somewhere - about 3 mile round trip. I’m just fed up of letchy men, I can ignore staring, and someone smiling and saying hello is friendly and nice but people slowing down to comment or make the sort of noise you make to call an animal. What the fuck is wrong with them. I felt genuinely intimidated at one point and I’m a nigh on 50year old grandmother, I changed my intended route on the way back because I felt too scared to walk along a footpath. I hate to think how teenage girls feel and what their experience is.

Perhaps naively I thought the world had moved on.

OP posts:
TooWicked · 28/08/2021 13:08

I’m sick to the back teeth of this, to the point where I haven’t even got any tolerance for the ones who think they’re “good guys” and aren’t outright letchy but think they have the right to interfere in my day by making any kind of comment at/toward/about me.

I said to my DH last weekend that there’s a bloke I see quite a lot when I’m walking the dog and he always has some comment to make to me, and yet when I’m with my 6ft3 built like a brick shithouse DH and he walks past us he doesn't even make eye contact with either of us. The next time I’m alone and he says something to me I’m going to call him out on it.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 28/08/2021 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ as it quotes a deleted post.

JamSconeCat · 28/08/2021 13:09

Why people deny this happens and seek to protect the men?

I guess it protecting the ego, from unpleasant realisations that the world isn't fair, that having to process how this would make one feel isn't something they want to deal with or accept at this point.

You may have a belief set that the world is just and fair, and threads like this will challenge that belief. Hence the disbelief and demeaning of another woman's experience.

yolo

sunshineandshowers21 · 28/08/2021 13:14

just because it doesn’t happen to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen!! would you come on here and deny people’s experience of racism because you yourself haven’t experienced it? no, didn’t think so.

thedancingbear · 28/08/2021 13:18

[quote girlmom21]@phishy there's nothing pathetic about asking for more information... what's pathetic is attacking 50% of the population for what is probably 1 or 2 people acting up in front of their friends. [/quote]
It’s not one or two men, it’s the overwhelming majority unfortunately. They almost all behave like this.

TerraNovaTwo · 28/08/2021 13:23

YANBU. Shortly after my NDN moved in, whom I'd only spoken to briefly once or once, he greeted me with "Hello you beautiful sexy lady". 🤢 I avoid him at all costs.

girlmom21 · 28/08/2021 13:25

@thedancingbear you clearly surround yourself with a lot of dodgy men...

torchh · 28/08/2021 13:27

This reply has been deleted

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OhWhyNot · 28/08/2021 13:29

Yes thedancingbear you are responsible for these men’s actions

Didn’t you know that ?

girlmom21 · 28/08/2021 13:30

@OhWhyNot

Yes thedancingbear you are responsible for these men’s actions

Didn’t you know that ?

You honestly think the overwhelming majority of men are letches? Is that your experience? Hmm
OhWhyNot · 28/08/2021 13:32

I think far far too many are

And while on the subject of letchy men far more than we want to admit are attracted girls that are obviously not adults

Blossomtoes · 28/08/2021 13:33

Jesus, that’s bloody awful @sunshineandshowers21. I hope you’re OK. I thought we’d moved on from this too. It’s appalling.

username890 · 28/08/2021 13:36

OP I thinks it's awful that you felt you had to justify yourself by describing your clothes. That's where we are and it's disgusting. You should be able to walk down the street wearing anything you like and not be intimated by anyone.

I got off a bus once and was walking towards the tube, on my way to the theatre and a gang of men (five or six of them) in their 20s started jeering at me and saying that I take it up the arse. I was by myself and I'm sure they would have been too cowardly if I was with others or they were by themselves. It is fucking disgusting behaviour.

gamerchick · 28/08/2021 13:37

Someone stopped in Aldi carpark and watched my boobs as I walked to the car. The look on his face when I locked eyes with him made up for it.

Yes I've big boobs and damned am I going to not wear a strappy top when its hot.

I'll never understand why people stick up for these men and pretend it just doesn't happen. Hmm

TooYoungToNotice · 28/08/2021 13:55

I went to an all boys school that had only just accepted girls so there were less than ten of us.

I've worked in two very heavily male dominated careers.

I've spent a massive chunk of my life in male environments,

There are huge huge numbers of letchy, misogynistic men about. I worked in an office in Leeds where all of the male office staff except one would spend parts of the day staring out of the window and commenting sexually on women.

One (Roy) would openly admit he loved hot weather when women had to dress in lighter clothing.

One of the female graduates when being shown round sites was taken to a hotel for lunch, where the man showing her round (who had met her days before during her induction week) had booked them a room. She was shy, naive and bloody horrified.

I had a male staff member leave, because he fancied the daughter of the company owner where he was going. He only developed an interest after she had a boob job as he was obsessed with breasts. She was easily young enough to be his daughter, but he genuinely believed he would get the chance to shag her. Despite being a multiple time divorced grey haired man who didn't pay maintenance and had asked to continue an arrangement from a previous employer of being part paid in cash so his ex partners didn't know how much he earned. What a prize he was.

If you speak to any of the women I've met in my previous industry, they all had been sexually harassed, it was an open topic of conversation comparing battle scars so to speak. The few women I went to university with all regale each other with the latest incidents when we catch up over a glass of wine, and we are old these days but it still happens.

I have so many tales like this. If you believe that NAMALT fair enough, but in my experience one hell of a lot are, and even more of them turn a blind eye to their mates doing it.

Nomorefuckstogive · 28/08/2021 14:05

YANBU, definitely, OP. Too frequent, too many men. Horrible and pathetic. I cope by saying under my breath, ‘Big beard, small dick,’ Beard can be replaced by car, van, attitude etc.

Don’t want to make light of it, because it’s horrible and threatening. There are odd people out there, male and female, who feel that it’s complimentary. It isn’t, it’s awful, misogynistic power play and way too common in 2021.

lazylinguist · 28/08/2021 14:07

@phishy there's nothing pathetic about asking for more information... what's pathetic is attacking 50% of the population for what is probably 1 or 2 people acting up in front of their friends.

Hmm So what if it was only one or two men. On this one occasion. Are you actually suggesting that it's rare? Or that one or two men per outing calling out or making noises to women on the street is somehow acceptable? Literally nobody is suggesting all men, or even anything like 50% of men do this. The OP said she was sick of letchy men, not that all men were letchy.

'What's pathetic' is that any men feel the need to behave like this. And no, I'm not a man hater. I'm happily married to a man who doesn't behave like an immature, sex-deprived teenager, and have a ds who is respectful to women. I know no men in my circle who would behave that way.

lazylinguist · 28/08/2021 14:08

I'll never understand why people stick up for these men and pretend it just doesn't happen.

Because they are victim-blaming handmaidens with no self-respect.

DontBeAHaterDear · 28/08/2021 14:15

[quote girlmom21]@phishy there's nothing pathetic about asking for more information... what's pathetic is attacking 50% of the population for what is probably 1 or 2 people acting up in front of their friends. [/quote]
Letchy men are not “50% of the population Hmm

It is never, ever acceptable to treat other people how the OP has been treated (and many other women and girls are too). This includes acting up in front of their friends.

It worries me rather a lot that your screen name implies you are a mother of at least 1 daughter and your comments here mean you are teaching/have taught your daughter(s) such damaging rubbish.

OpheliaOpholia · 28/08/2021 14:17

This used to happen to me fairly regularly when I was in my teens / early 20's and made more of an effort with my appearance.

I'm quite invisible now I'm 27 and too knackered from running around after small DC to be bothered wearing makeup or flattering clothes. That suits me just fine.

I'm sorry other people have to deal with that crap.

Creeps.

ineedsun · 28/08/2021 14:22

@torchh

If I was going to wistfully imagine anything, it wouldn’t be this. It’s depressing, scary at times and an issue experienced by too many people. I will repeat what I said in my first post, I’m knocking 50 and a grandma, it’s not to do with attraction, it’s 100% due to them.

I started off doubting myself but then reflected on why I get irate when I hear other people’s stories and it’s because I do think it’s out of order but I usually just accept it as being the norm when I experience it.

I’m glad for you that you don’t recognise it because it means you haven’t experienced it, that’s a good thing for you but as others have said I’ve never experienced racism, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

OP posts:
Missatkins · 28/08/2021 14:30

Op, I completely and utterly get you. The other day I was out scraping graffiti off the side of my property (another story), when a van with a few guys drove passed and shouted "Look at the arse on you..". I just ignored but they then turned around to drive passed again and proceeded to take a photo of me! I'm 50 years old Ffsake x

dancemom · 28/08/2021 14:49

The only thing worse than letchy fucking men are women who disbelieve, deny and accuse the victims of making it up 🙄

Lachimolala · 28/08/2021 14:56

It worries me rather a lot that your screen name implies you are a mother of at least 1 daughter and your comments here mean you are teaching/have taught your daughter(s) such damaging rubbish

Quite!

Woolywolf · 28/08/2021 14:57

I’m not doubting any of the stories on this thread and I’m sorry people have to deal with this. I’m genuinely curious where you all live and am wondering if this is a regional issue maybe as I’ve hardly ever witnessed this kind of behaviour-I can’t recall ever hearing someone shouting “nice arse” or similar in the street/from a car and I see attractive women walking round all the time. Maybe they only do it when no one else is around? I live in a nice area in the south east so that may have something to do with it, although I lived in a big northern city whilst at university and used to walk around almost everywhere with my very beautiful model friend and never heard anyone shout anything at her-a few car horns maybe and men in bars approached her a lot but not on the street regularly. Everyone’s experience is different though and it’s disgusting behaviour

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