Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is UK so child unfriendly?

783 replies

bezabez · 28/08/2021 08:08

Hi! I am foreign person living in the UK for the past 15 years.

I have noticed that the attitudes towards children are really strange in this country. Generally kids aren't accepted to be kids. They are expected to be quiet (ish) if out and about eg in a restaurant or a cafe, women don't breastfeed often in public (UK has the lowest rate of breastfeeding in the world) and they are expected 'to do as you're told' - that's a weird expression in itself tbh and to behave and never show a wild side. If on a train or other public spaces people tend not to engage with them even with babies (where I'm from there would be talking and smiling and general admirations) or tthey make faces, huffing and puffing etc if the children 'misbehave'.

Also parents complain A LOT about having children, sometimes as a form of a banter as these are socially acceptable jokes. Especially during the holidays.

On top of that there aren't many affordable childcare options or things like holiday camps and clubs (I know they exist in bigger cities sometimes but it isn't the same).

Overall it's no place for young people!

Does it come from the Victorian 'kids are to be seen not heard' thing?

Again where I'm from kids are celebrated as the future here they are mostly treated as inconvenience.

OP posts:
turkeyboots · 28/08/2021 13:55

I found the UK and London specifically to be amazingly child friendly. But there is a difference between "family" restaurants and adult restaurants and bars which is less marked in the rest of Europe and the US and Canada.
But that all vanishes when your cute child turns into a teenager. Suddenly there is no playgrounds, cheap activities and if they hang round with their friends they are consider a threat. That, plus the high pressure exam system makes for v unhappy children.

ofwarren · 28/08/2021 13:57

@turkeyboots

I found the UK and London specifically to be amazingly child friendly. But there is a difference between "family" restaurants and adult restaurants and bars which is less marked in the rest of Europe and the US and Canada. But that all vanishes when your cute child turns into a teenager. Suddenly there is no playgrounds, cheap activities and if they hang round with their friends they are consider a threat. That, plus the high pressure exam system makes for v unhappy children.
I agree with this. We certainly demonise our teens. My local Facebook group is terrible for it.
ElephantOfRisk · 28/08/2021 13:58

I live on the edge of a very small city, a town by English standards really, and I have just looked at a map and counted 19 play parks, 4 of these really large, within a rough mile radius, there are also several lots of tennis courts, basketball hoops, football pitches, areas of grass and trees. I wouldn't think that's un-child friendly really.

ElephantOfRisk · 28/08/2021 14:01

[quote amiadillo]@ElephantOfRisk but do you think today's dcs have the same opportunity to let off steam? My parents often had no idea what I got up to unsupervised. [/quote]
They have the opportunity I think depending on where you live? Not everyone gives them that though, I think i was generally a strict parent but I did trust mine at a reasonable age to go off and do things alone or with each other.

UndertheCedartree · 28/08/2021 14:01

Oh and also when visiting a relative's new partner when my DS was a toddler - there were ornaments/shells etc everywhere. She told me to let him touch what he liked and if anything got broken not to worry! It was so kind of her!

I do agree that baby change is much better here and often availability of high chairs.

amiadillo · 28/08/2021 14:03

But that all vanishes when your cute child turns into a teenager. Suddenly there is no playgrounds, cheap activities and if they hang round with their friends they are consider a threat.

I've noticed before that it's really unusual to see teenagers out in groups & wonder where there all are. I used to go to youth clubs, cinema, hang around the shopping centre, trip to Woolworths etc.

ofwarren · 28/08/2021 14:05

@amiadillo

But that all vanishes when your cute child turns into a teenager. Suddenly there is no playgrounds, cheap activities and if they hang round with their friends they are consider a threat.

I've noticed before that it's really unusual to see teenagers out in groups & wonder where there all are. I used to go to youth clubs, cinema, hang around the shopping centre, trip to Woolworths etc.

Many only socialise online now. It's really not good for them is it. We we never home at that age.
BrozTito · 28/08/2021 14:07

Because we dont want rude spoilt brats or to infantilise everything so adults can have somewhere? Or is this one of those 'britain is shit' fishing jobs when everybody is meant to gush over Germany and Scandinavia?

amiadillo · 28/08/2021 14:08

@ofwarren it's sad

riromay · 28/08/2021 14:12

Agree! And a crazy amount of child hating adults on here, huffing and puffing about children being children ! Absolutely ridiculous! Yes, other countries might not have the infrastructure or high chairs in all restaurants but children are not viewed like pests, they are celebrated and liked by virtually everyone

Constellationstation · 28/08/2021 14:20

@riromay

Agree! And a crazy amount of child hating adults on here, huffing and puffing about children being children ! Absolutely ridiculous! Yes, other countries might not have the infrastructure or high chairs in all restaurants but children are not viewed like pests, they are celebrated and liked by virtually everyone
I agree with this.

I wonder if the people getting so defensive about the UK have had the opportunity to be immersed in other cultures.

bluebeck · 28/08/2021 14:25

Gosh this thread reminds me of being in Tesco a few years ago at the checkout behind a woman with two DC in the trolley seats - I would say they were about 2 and 3. Behaving "normally" nothing remarkable.

Suddenly the woman turned on me and started shouting. I thought she said I was looking at her DC, so naturally I said "No, absolutely not, I have not been looking at your children." I just thought she had had a bad experience previously or something. She continued to be aggressive, saying "Yes! You aren't looking at them, and they are beautiful children. Why aren't you looking at them?"

I was totally gobsmacked and just left my shopping and walked out.

I do not hate children, I am simply not interested in other people's children. People like this, and like the OP seem to think this is criminal. Get over yourself - not everyone has to be enamoured and enchanted by your offspring.

bluebeck · 28/08/2021 14:26

Oh, and I lived in the USA (DC) for four years. Can't say I noticed any different attitudes to children in UK.

hidingnowsons · 28/08/2021 14:29

@bluebeck

Gosh this thread reminds me of being in Tesco a few years ago at the checkout behind a woman with two DC in the trolley seats - I would say they were about 2 and 3. Behaving "normally" nothing remarkable.

Suddenly the woman turned on me and started shouting. I thought she said I was looking at her DC, so naturally I said "No, absolutely not, I have not been looking at your children." I just thought she had had a bad experience previously or something. She continued to be aggressive, saying "Yes! You aren't looking at them, and they are beautiful children. Why aren't you looking at them?"

I was totally gobsmacked and just left my shopping and walked out.

I do not hate children, I am simply not interested in other people's children. People like this, and like the OP seem to think this is criminal. Get over yourself - not everyone has to be enamoured and enchanted by your offspring.

Oh come off it, that woman was a clear rarity
m0therofdragons · 28/08/2021 14:35

@Constellationstation wow so I’m uncultured because I’ve not experienced the hostility to my dc in the uk? Brilliant. We’ve travelled a lot in the USA (dc have visited 11 different states) Canada (Vancouver is weird as we only saw dc in the parks but never along the beach or in shops), we’ve also visited various places across Europe with dc and have family in a number of places across the globe. I’ve not noticed a huge difference other than in Kenya where dc were without any supervision begging on the beach - they were still polite and so were the adults to them. Maybe I just have likeable, polite kids Grin

ForgetMeNotLane · 28/08/2021 14:35

Shall we just take it as read that UK people are all horrible and all other nationalities are superior in every way? Then we wouldn't need all these threads.

m0therofdragons · 28/08/2021 14:39

@ForgetMeNotLane I agree this would be easier Grin we’re always the baddies in films so we can just live up to that.

AtticusHoysAnus · 28/08/2021 14:41

Not quite my experience so far.

Kids running around screaming in a restaurant surely would piss anyone off?

m0therofdragons · 28/08/2021 14:44

I’ve just counted and there’s 7 play parks within walking distance from my home - 2 very big ones plus 2 with skate parks.

fizbosshoes · 28/08/2021 14:47

Ive noticed , especially with DS friends , that their table manners are poor, bordering on non existent when they come over for tea. I've had children answering back, putting food over their face, up their nose, throwing food at other children, grabbing food that wasnt offered, climbing on , or under, the table during meal times. Almost none say please or thank you without prompting. (These are children age 7-10) I would be mortified if my own children behaved like that. I love my kids having friends round and am happy to entertain them and for them to play in the house or garden but I usually dread meal times.

latissimusdorsi · 28/08/2021 14:51

I think maybe culturally parents in uk stricter about bedtime. Most people born and bred in uk would not expect to see young children up and around in the evening. That would be seen as adult time.
If I was invited to a friends for dinner at 8pm I really wouldn't expect a 4 yr old sitting at the table eating with us. If it was 6pm then that's different.
DH cousin from another European country came to stay with us few yrs ago with her toddler. He had pasta about 5pm and I asked her what time he went to bed so we could time our dinner for after that. She looked at me as though I had 2 heads! He sat at table with us until 10pm
Nothing to do with hating kids, just what's culturally the norm

Summerfun54321 · 28/08/2021 14:51

Totally agree but there is an easy workaround which is just not giving a shit what other people think. Brits also aren’t generally too confrontational or vocal so you only have to block out a little tutting. I also love seeing young kids out late in restaurants in Europe which we just don’t do in the U.K. which is such a shame.

sprinkleyumnut · 28/08/2021 15:00

Depends where you live. Children are accepted in society and most people are friendly to them but at the same time there is a certain air of respect for others, so if they are throwing a tantrum, being extremely loud, that is frowned upon. Most people will understand though at the same time but you will get the odd few who throw nasty looks etc.

JudgeJ · 28/08/2021 15:02

@bluebeck

Oh, and I lived in the USA (DC) for four years. Can't say I noticed any different attitudes to children in UK.
This sort of thread always amuses me, the UK must be the very, very worst country on earth for absolutely everything. The most vitriolic comments are from people who've never lived elsewhere.
SenecaFallsRedux · 28/08/2021 15:08

they are expected to behave to be convenient to others

Well, yes. This is really the whole point of having manners: consideration of other people. And part of parenting is teaching children that. So it's not all right to run rampant in a restaurant, but it is fine to run and shout in a park. That is not being child-unfriendly; it's teaching children how to function in a world with many other people in it whose "convenience" also deserves consideration.