Page 37 | To not want an awake child around at 11pm when I'm on holiday PART DEUX

islaviolent · 29/08/2021 08:45

@WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld

I'd love to know the resort too if you are able to pm Thanks

Yes me to , could you send me a PM too

Monstertrucks · 29/08/2021 08:46

Could you please also let me know the resort you are at? It sounds ideal x

Safe travels today, big hugs to you

EnjoyingTheSilence · 29/08/2021 08:47

I don’t think I’d be bothered that the friendship is over. Both mother and daughter sound horrendous but it’s not the daughters fault. She is learning from her mum. Poor kid, she’s going to find life tough

peachykeenjellybaby · 29/08/2021 08:48

I dont blame you for taking your kids to the pub. You needed adult time and didnt get it all week. You should have been chatting and having time with your friend. Not random strangers on MN

With hindsight, you probably should have just done this pub trip with your friend and all the kids

Dazedandconfused2021 · 29/08/2021 08:48

I cant believe so many posters are congratulating OP. I think you've been cowardly all week. You haven't said much to your friend directly about the situation, you allowed them to approach your daughter in a threatening way, it was ok for your kids to stay up late when it suited you and for your son to fall asleep in a beer garden, and you've sneaked out this morning to avoid confrontation.
Also you haven't addressed any of the posts asking why you're so reluctant to take your children away on your own.
Your friend and her daughter sound awful but you don't sound much better.

Dontwanttobeatwat · 29/08/2021 08:50

Oh man, sounds horrendous. Also learnt the hard way don't go on holiday with people unless their vision and execution of a holiday reasonably lines up with yours (didn't speak to my sister for over a month following a quite spectacular bust up in holiday)
No useful advice unfortunately but hope the drive home is ok

Welshgal85 · 29/08/2021 08:50

Oh dear sorry about all the drama yesterday but good for your daughter sticking up got herself! How do you feel about your friendship now?

I wonder if your friend is feeling embarrassed today? It sounds like she has had a difficult week and needs to reassess how she is parenting. She must be aware that she just caves and gives into her daughter all the time for an easy life but she has to realise shes not meant to be your kids best mate shes parents and that means saying no sometimes and telling them when they are being unreasonable! I wonder if this is week maybe have hit home a bit and given her some things to think about?

Hope you enjoy the rest of your day and have a safe journey home

Beautifulbutterfly22 · 29/08/2021 08:51

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop....I have just spent a couple of hours reading your thread I too think you rock! 😁 have a safe journey home and please keep us updated on what your friend says 😁

MeridianB · 29/08/2021 08:53

Yikes! Your friend is soooooo far down the rabbit hole of indulging Alyssa. It sounds like they are both heading for more frustration over why no one understands, makes allowances, apologises to them.

Such a shame. And I feel especially sorry for the younger child, getting less attention, having to make allowances and probably feeling sad/scared/embarrassed about her sister,’s behaviours and at times her mum’s behaviour.

I don’t blame you for heading off early. Drive safely!

torchh · 29/08/2021 08:54

I cant believe so many posters are congratulating OP. I think you've been cowardly all week. You haven't said much to your friend directly about the situation, you allowed them to approach your daughter in a threatening way, it was ok for your kids to stay up late when it suited you and for your son to fall asleep in a beer garden, and you've sneaked out this morning to avoid confrontation.
Also you haven't addressed any of the posts asking why you're so reluctant to take your children away on your own.
Your friend and her daughter sound awful but you don't sound much better

-If op had said something directly the holiday would have been ruined on day one.

-It's a bit different allowing your kids to stay up once on a Saturday night, rather than all bloody week and then complain about being woken up in the morning

-Presumably going on holiday without another adult to speak to seems boring.

sunglassesonthetable · 29/08/2021 08:54

How do you feel about this friendship going forward OP?

Would you like to maintain it?

SarahBennettAdvice · 29/08/2021 08:55

Please don’t leave before your friend is ready to go. They need to be first to go, for gods sake think about Alyssa’s feelings for once.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 29/08/2021 08:55

🤣🤣🤣

WimpoleHat · 29/08/2021 08:55

@SarahBennettAdvice

Please don’t leave before your friend is ready to go. They need to be first to go, for gods sake think about Alyssa’s feelings for once.

BruceAndNosh · 29/08/2021 08:58

I hope the OP has had a dirty great fried breakfast.
Nothing better for a hangover

Immunetypegoblin · 29/08/2021 09:03

@WimpoleHat

Alyssa will be smug, I bet - she's basically won. She gets her mum to herself and everything her own way, as at home.

I don’t know - for once, there have been some consequences for her actions. She won’t have done what it was she thought she was going to do with the OP’s family. She won’t have had OP’s daughter for company yesterday. She’s seen the (natural) consequence of her behaviour, which is that it makes others upset and not want to spend time with her. So possibly a valuable lesson at some level?

We can but hope, for Alyssa's sake!

I agree that this has been a very interesting thread. Like a previous poster, it has made me sit up a bit straighter wrt both of my children

DS1 is a boundary pusher, like his father. This wasn't such a problem when he was smaller, but DH did indulge him and I seethed at being forever cast as bad cop. DS1 is now 10yo and has crossed the perception line from 'funny kid acts up' to 'entitled dick who needs a telling off' in the eyes of the world in general, not least DH. So DS1 is now struggling to cope with DH's firmness towards him (although DH maintains he has always been strict ), and clings a bit more to me, the one who has least been consistent in being a bitch firm throughout. It is not always easy though! He and DS2 have a very well-behaved friend visiting atm, and DS1 has acted up - the consequence is no treat breakfast for DS1. DS1 is being (by turns) remorseful, reproachful, sulky and outright rude about this, but the friend has been quietly nodding along with a 'Well that's reasonable mate tbh' face whenever I rebut DS1's complaints. My confidence is buoyed by his friend's tacit approval of my fairness

As for DS2, he is under assessment for ASD and is not always easy to manage. The trick with him is to assess what he really really can't do, and what he could do but doesn't want to. The former, he gets given latitude; the latter, absolutely no fucking way. To his credit, he takes this pretty well. It's a process...

StrongCoffeAvalanche · 29/08/2021 09:03

@SarahBennettAdvice

Please don’t leave before your friend is ready to go. They need to be first to go, for gods sake think about Alyssa’s feelings for once.

touché

itsgettingwierd · 29/08/2021 09:03

@SarahBennettAdvice

Please don’t leave before your friend is ready to go. They need to be first to go, for gods sake think about Alyssa’s feelings for once.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Love this

Blossomtoes · 29/08/2021 09:03

There’s not a single person in this awful saga I don’t feel sorry for. It sounds like an absolute nightmare. The friend who has absolutely no clue how to parent has created a complete monster and what a price she’s paying. It’s just all very sad.

Congressdingo · 29/08/2021 09:04

@DoWhatYouWantToAndShh

Anyway. We laughed. We cryed. We stayed up all night awaiting the finale. It didn't disappoint as I predicted. Op rises victorious.

To think this is someone's actual life.

Did you stay awake just to read this thread? Wow and when you are so thoroughly unimpressed by it too.

Why have you bothered if you dont like it?
Theres a whole internet out there if you really cannot find anything better on MN

Strictly1 · 29/08/2021 09:05

@NewlyGranny

As a teacher and parent, the child who hits, bites etc was calmly and firmly told, "People are not for hitting/biting etc," and encouraged to think of a way to make amends after a sincere apology. They also learned that their "Sorry!" was not a re-sent button but carried the commitment not go repeat the behaviour.

Often it takes a little time for the hitter to be ready to apologise but they spend that time alone calming down and thinking, not getting adult attention, which is focussed on seeing the victim is OK.

Children do need to learn how to apologise and put things right; it isn't innate or developmental and some don't witness it from their families.

Modelling how to apologise when in the wrong is an important part of teaching/parenting!

I fully agree with this. Especially in today's society where being rude or hitting is ignored or accepted at home. They need telling/explaining so they don't repeat the behaviour and if they do, they are given consequences. Shouting at a child in a lesson teaches them nothing and gives those who are deliberately challenging the attention they want. I find those children find it uncomfortable with a 1:1 talk without an audience to play up to. The children in the classroom don't see the consequence so parents don't get to hear about it. The bully rarely goes back to the class and shares with his mates how he hated being faced with his actions and cried. It doesn't mean consequences didn't happen.

Fartintheloft · 29/08/2021 09:06

@SarahBennettAdvice

Please don’t leave before your friend is ready to go. They need to be first to go, for gods sake think about Alyssa’s feelings for once.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

stepupandbecounted · 29/08/2021 09:06

Have a fun breakfast and a safe journey back.

Your 'friend' has lots of thinking to do after this holiday.

On the upside you now have new friends Frangi!

user1471604848 · 29/08/2021 09:08

I was going to buy the "how to talk" book when my 18-month old twins are older, but now changing my mind!

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 29/08/2021 09:08

Just remembered I fell out with a friend over our ds's on holiday.
And the friend wasn't even there!!
We offered to take her teen ds abroad... He had never been. Friend complained about the cost of his passport...
We never asked for any contribution.. She never offered. Fair enough.
But she never thanked us for his invite whatsoever..
He took quite a bit spending money which he spent on sweets and flaunted them under my dc's noses... Lent ds a euro for s lolly once as ds had swimwear on (no pocket) he moaned the rest of the day for it back.
There was a patio door in their room and they often sneaked out - ds was told sternly it was off limits to do so. Caught ds's friend out a few times.
He also wasted food as was so full (hyper) on sweets. One meds for adhd not a good combo back then.
Absolutely ruined the first week.
Sent them home on a plane!!
Friend refused to pick him up from the airport so my ils had them overnight then dropped him home.
He told his dps he and been sent home for refusing to babysit for our younger dc!!!
And she believed him!!

Took her 3 months to pay me his flight money.
Never spoke again!!